Do you remember being the blissful age of 22? The world was your oyster, you had so much time.
You could switch majors in University or even change career paths and it wouldn’t matter.
Hell, you could even ignore dating altogether. Many millennial women chose to stay single in their twenties to focus on their careers. But then-
You realized you’re 30 and single and now you’re thinking about the limited time you might have to find a man.
Below is my take on how you deal with being 30 and single.
Being Single In Your 30’s – A Guide
Being 30 and single is really great and awesome, but kinda sucks at the same time.
If you want biological children, you do have less time than when you were in your twenties, BUT!
Being 30 is not a death sentence!
You might not have as much time, but you still have plenty of time.
You are just starting life. You are in your prime.
According to science, you’re not even middle-aged yet.
This is something you have to keep in mind because you want to make the most of your time here on Earth. The best way to do this is to know that 30 is not too late.
The pressure of feeling too old when you hit 30 is there because of an archaic stereotype that has passed its way down from history.
Think about it – your grandma was probably married at 22 and your mom shortly after that. To them, 30 was the time when your kids were just entering school!
If you’re feeling pressure from family, friends or even social media, remember that many people are just stuck in that old school mindset that just isn’t the reality anymore.
It’s completely okay!
It’s OK to Be Single in Your 30’s, Here’s Why
First things first, stop comparing yourself to others!
Something that many of my coaching clients tell me is that they see others doing “this” or “that”.
You’re likely comparing yourself to the best parts of other people’s lives.
For example, I had a client tell me how she was so jealous of a woman her age because she already had a family and had settled down with a very nice and wealthy man.
But that woman was a stay at home mom and my client would hate to live that life.
So why do you feel you can pick and choose the parts of other people’s lives to be jealous of?
This makes no sense and it is hurting your self-esteem.
Instead, be grateful that you spent time in your twenties making yourself better.
Whether that was going through bad relationships that you learned from. Or building up a career that you are proud of. Or traveling the world.
Whatever you did in your twenties, that time wasn’t wasted it was used.
Being Alone is Good
Being single at this age means you have more freedom to spend time with yourself.
You are also old enough to actually enjoy it.
You know yourself; you know what you want out of life, out of your time, and you should be more content because of it. If you don’t feel that way, you’re overthinking it.
So, if you’re 30 and single, cheers to you – it’s okay to be!
The best part is that more Americans are single than ever before, and one of the best results of this is that they are healthier!
You can focus on your physical, mental, and emotional wellness when you are single and focusing on you and your life.
Isn’t this awesome?
When you enter your next relationship, you will likely be the happiest, most secure, and fulfilled version of yourself that you’ve ever been before.
The older you get, the more your learn about what makes you happy.
The Reality of Dating in Your 30’s
Many of you know me as the blunt dating coach. I like to tell it like it is.
The reality of dating in your 30’s is that it can definitely be tough.
When you were young, you likely had roommates, or felt happy and proud to be “out there on your own.”
But now… things feel different.
Coming home to an empty house doesn’t feel as liberating as it once did.
You might think all the good ones are taken, and so on.
These fears are all real, and totally normal – but the last thing you want to do is let these fears get in the way of your goals.
Looking negatively at your life or feeling sorry for yourself just hurts your self-esteem. Doing this will make it so much harder to put yourself out there and date.
So you’re shooting yourself in the foot when you start to look at your amazing life in a negative way!
Now is the time to pick and choose your dates wisely. You live a busy life and you don’t have time to waste on men that aren’t the right fit.
Being 30 and single means that dating is going to take on a different tone.
First, you need to determine your core values. You need to find out what you really want in a partner.
This includes lifestyle goals, whether or not you want children, and the location where you’re going to live. Being clear on these things will help you filter out men who are not in-line with your path in life.
Related: Needs Vs Wants in Relationships
Be Picky, But Not Too Picky
You are more than welcome to be picky when it comes to being in your 30’s and dating.
You want to make sure you’re choosing someone who you can actually enjoy the company of.
If you are not picky enough, then you might find you start disliking the person you chose shortly down the road.
But you just want to make sure that you’re being picky about the right things.
I have helped my coaching clients search for men on dating sites, and the numbers game is mind blowing.
I will see the search results go from 5000 men, down to 2000 just by clicking “Must be 6’2 or taller”.
This makes sense because the number of men in the US that are above 6 feet is only about 14%.
Now that you’re 30, I don’t think you want me to tell you that the entire world is all sunshine and rainbows. There are a few realties to this that are important to understand.
The numbers game is one of them.
In my experience, I have found that the best way to play the numbers game is not to go on more dates, more frequently, but instead be consistent.
Instead of deciding to go on 12 dates in a month, decide to commit to 2 dates a month and try to stick to this every single month.
Just like working out at the gym is best if you’re doing it consistently, so is dating.
This way you are going on fewer, more quality dates, but also making a point to stick to it and not just push it to the back burner.
How To Choose Wisely
Consider the pros and cons of the person.
Sometimes their cons are easy to deal with and live with.
He might have a decent job but has no interest in becoming the CEO of the company.
Maybe that’s not such a bad thing?
Maybe him being happy and content where he is will make him a loving and happy husband rather than a stressed-out one that is always at work?
Know what you can overlook, but definitely keep the things you cannot overlook in mind.
You don’t want to be stuck with someone who you absolutely hate. Relationships are supposed to make you happy.
You don’t want to be in one just for the sake of being in one.
Know Your Life Goals, Wants, Needs
Although opposites can attract, in my experience as a matchmaker and coach, it’s usually the other way around.
We attract and are attracted to those who are like ourselves.
When you start living the life you want to live as a single person, you will have an easier time finding someone who relates to you.
If you’re out there solo traveling through Europe, the chances of you finding a man doing the same thing are very high!
You must understand your own goals, and start living them.
This is the best part about being 30 and single – you are much more secure in yourself and what you want out of life.
Love Yourself and Your Life First
Most of my coaching clients feel like they have shot themselves in the foot by being so independent.
Now they have great lives, a great career but they’re alone.
This can’t be further from the truth.
Working on yourself and focusing on your career shows that you know how to achieve your goals.
If your next goal is to find a loving man, what’s stopping you from doing that?
Only a bad attitude can really hurt your chances of finding someone. Your man is out there, whether you believe me or not. There are hundreds, if not thousands of men who meet your criteria – even if you’re picky!
But here’s the best part, even if it takes another few years to find someone, your happiness comes from within you.
This is not some woo woo fantasy!
Your happiness, literally comes from your own brain. Whether a man is beside you are not, you can be happy. Having this mentality allows you to hone in on your feminine energy.
Feminine energy means to receive. That means that instead of trying to control everything around you, simply accept yourself, love yourself and wait for those higher quality men to enter your life.
If you want to learn more about this, check out my feminine energy video here.
Don’t think that being 30 and single means you now need to rush!
I’m sounding like a broken record here but:
You don’t ever want to settle. Doing this will hurt your mental health more than being alone.
If finding that great man takes time, that is ok. There is still plenty of time to take this seriously and find someone before you can no longer have biological children.
When you are with someone, you can enjoy their time but know that you don’t have a ticking time bomb behind you during each and every date.
High-quality men have nothing but time. They have settled on their career, they usually have a good social life and now they’re just waiting for the perfect woman to add to their life.
If you act like you’re in a huge rush to settle down, this will turn off a high-quality man who just wants to see how things go.
I know it sucks to wait for something you really want, but this also gives you a chance to actually spend time with him and see if you even like him enough to take things to the next level.
Most people have adopted this mentality.
In fact, more people are turning away from marriage during current years than previous for multiple reasons, so being 30 and single is actually becoming the new norm!
Free Checklist: How To Find Higher-Quality Men
Being 30 And Single Is Incredibly Fun!
When you’re in your 20’s, you made a million mistakes.
You should be so happy that one of those mistakes wasn’t getting married to the wrong man.
Even if you’re currently divorced or got out of a really bad relationship, you are now free from that and ready to find a love that will truly last forever and make you happy.
The world may have been your oyster in your twenties, but I believe that being single is the true launchpad for planning your life and taking it to the next level.
Being single gives you so much freedom.
Being single in your 30’s might just be more fun and better for you than being single in your 20’s.
You get more out of life when you are in this situation.
It has actually been shown that the average age for being married is continuing to increase.
This means that more people are getting married at older and older ages, or even some are choosing to not get married at all.
Take your time, someone out there is waiting for you – you just have to find them!
Until then, you do you girl!
How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality
I hope you found this article helpful, but it does you no good if you’re not attracting High-Quality Men.
Check out my Free Checklist by clicking on this link now:
“How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”.
I hope this post has shown you how awesome being 30 and single really is.
If you have had bad luck finding high-quality men, be sure to check out my coaching page here.
Love, your favorite dating coach,