Dating Advice for Introverts

dating advice for introverts, dating while introverted, dating with social anxiety
Lana Otoya
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Hello fellow introverts! If you’re looking for some dating advice for introverts, you’ve come to the right place. I am a dating and relationship blogger and had to navigate the dating world as an introvert myself. Dating can be difficult when you:

-Hate small talk

-Struggle connecting with new people

-Find it difficult to pretend to like someone

-Find it difficult to pretend to be interested in a converstation

Basically dating is an introvert’s worst nightmare.

I was inpired to write this post after reading a well-intentioned yet “not the best advice” article on the Quiet Revolution. I am going to use the article as a starting point to give you actual advice that you can take with you into the dating world if you’re an introvert.

All the quotes in my post are from that article if you want to check out the source in context.

Dating advice for introverts


DATING IS A NUMBERS GAME

I used to have a friend who’d say, “Dating is nothing but a numbers game.” She believed that going on more dates was equivalent to a higher likelihood of falling in love. It might sound pretty reasonable when you first hear it except for the fact that it’s utter bullshit. I should know. It took me years of dating before I finally started ignoring this type of “practical” advice.

It might be bullshit in the sense that it “sucks” but dating is a numbers game – this is a fact not an opinion. The more people you meet, the higher the chances you’ll find someone that you really connect with.

Look at it the other way. If you decided to only go on one date for your whole life, do you think that one person would be “the one”? Probably not… it’s happened before, I know but the chances of that are slim. 

The article also mentions that if you want to only go on one date every three months, that’s totally fine.

Yes, it’s “totally fine” but you’re seriously lowering the chances of finding someone you connect with. One date every three months is only four dates in a whole year. Again, the numbers are against you here, don’t forget that.

It takes the average person YEARS to find a partner, why would you want to make this process any slower than it already is?

I’m trying to get you up and out of the dating scene here, not stuck in it forever

BUT, I SUCK AT DATING

I know, most of us do – and yes, it is even harder when you are introverted as I mentioned above.

For introverts, first dates are minefields of small talk and mindless chatter. After jumping through the hoops of answering questions such as “where are you from? do you like your job? how many siblings do you have? if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one to hear it, would this date be just as bad?”

Dating is a numbers game but it’s a “self care” game first and foremost. You need to be sure that you’re in the right mental state when going out in the dating world.

If you really don’t want to go on a date, then don’t go. If you have a negative mindset going in, the date is going to be a lot harder to get through and you’re not going to have any fun. 

It’s a lot more productive to adjust your mindset so that you set yourself up for success.

The first step is to stop telling yourself “I suck at dating” or “dating sucks” because that is surely setting you up for failure.

“You get to meet complete strangers (not always our strongest suit), who will then subject you to a barrage of intensely personal questions and judge you! “

This is a negative mindset. If you just think “he’s judging me” then you’re not really understanding what dating is about. If he’s out there dating, it means that he is also looking for someone to connect with.  He is out there trying to find a best friend, a partner.

Instead of thinking that hes judging you, think that he’s interested in you. He wants to get to know you. It’s nice when people find us interesting! This is a good feeling, not negative.

The two of you are in this date together. It’s not about him “judging you”, it’s about seeing if the two of you get along and if you dig each other’s vibe. If it turns out it’s not working, then move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea. 

Look at every date as an “opportunity” because that’s what it really is.

 

Related:

 

He’s probably an introvert too

The percentage of introverts vs extroverts is very even, it’s about 50/50 although the exact statistics vary. The chances that the person sitting across from you “judging you” is also an introvert is REALLY HIGH. He probably totally understands where you’re coming from.

This is especially true if you guys met online and got a feel for his lifestyle and interests before meeting up. If his interests weren’t “I like to party hard every weekend and shotgun beers until it comes out my nose” and were more like “I enjoy reading books and working out alone” then it’s really likely he’s probably introverted just like you.

Take comfort in knowing that he probably hates this as much as you do and is probably just as nervous as you are.

You’re both in the same boat here, it’s not a competition, it’s a partnership – even if it’s just for an hour or two.

INTROVERT FRIENDLY DATES

Rather than cancelling on dates or bailing last minute – plan dates that are introvert friendly.

I did this a lot when I was dating and it was the best.  It was the difference between drowning in a conversation that I didn’t care about for hours, and getting home in time to catch up on Youtube videos. It also allowed me to stick with the dating game for a lot longer before getting burned out and having to take a break.

Remember I’m an introvert too so going out on lots of dates wasn’t exactly my pass-time of choice, yet I knew that I didn’t want to be single forever. I knew that it was important to make this a priority in my life so as to not have to date anymore.

DISTRACTION + END TIME = PERFECT DATE

So what’s an introvert friendly date?

Dates that involve some kind of distraction and have a limited time frame. Dinner and a movie is a GREAT first date for an introvert. You can be distracted by the meal and then hit up a movie where you don’t need to talk to each other.

This is better than “going for drinks” because that usually involves just sitting at a bar until god knows when.

It’s also good to do quick weeknight dates so that you guys can meet up after work and both know you’ll need to be home at a reasonable hour. Planning dates with a clear “end” is a lifesaver if things are not going well.

Avoid dates on the weekend like going to the beach, going for a picnic or a hike. These dates involve a lot of one on one talking time with no escape if you’re not having fun. It’s really hard to say “ok I have to go home now” or some other awkward excuse to peace out.

Giving dates an end time yourself is also a great idea, i’ve done this many times. One time I went skating with a date in the afternoon and told him I had to be home for a family dinner by 4pm. Clear end, easy to peace out after about an hour and a half. Oh yeah and there wasn’t really a family dinner.

Being introverted is not a weakness, it’s a personality trait and there is no reason for this to be holding you back from finding love. Especially when 50% of the guys out there are introverted too.

Being an introvert in the dating world can definitely be challenging but instead of hating the game, change the game so that it works for you. 

How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality

I hope you found this article helpful but it does you know good if you’re not attracting High-Quality Men.

Find out what High-Quality men look for in a woman, check out my Free Guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”. It’s free!

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