Dating is not that fun, I know.
It’s exhausting going out and seeing people that you don’t know. You’d rather spend time with your friends. You’d rather spend time with your Netflix.
Dating is exactly like looking for a job. No one enjoys making resumes, sending emails and doing interviews. Yet, we go through it because the consequences of NOT doing it are pretty dire.
Today I’m here to help you make this process easier and more efficient so the suffering doesn’t have to last so long.
These are my top 10 Most Important Dating Tips For Women.
The 10 most important dating tips for women
#1 – Change Your Dating Mindset
I have to apologize.
The things I said in the intro about dating not being fun and it being exhausting – that’s actually NOT how I feel about dating.
I just said those things because that’s how most people feel about dating and I thought you might relate to that.
I’ll admit it can be tiring and take up your free time but I never really had that attitude when I was out there in the dating world.
I knew that going in with that negative attitude, and viewing dating as a chore was going to keep me in the dating world much longer and that wasn’t a good option for me.
I wanted to find a partner that I could be with for the rest of my life. Does that sound desperate? Maybe, but I had goals and I wanted to reach them.
Dating to me was an opportunity to meet new people. It was a chance to get out of the house. It was a chance to score a free dinner (most of the time). I always tried my best to view it as fun.
This benefited me in the following ways:
- I was able to see more people in a shorter amount of time. I had no problem with going on 2 or 3 dates a week because it wasn’t something I avoided.
- Not hating the dating game allowed me to hold out and wait for the right guy to come along. I wasn’t just going to settle down with the first guy that was “just ok” so that I could get out of the dating scene.
- I had a good attitude on every date which likely made me more enjoyable to be around.
- Going on tons of bad dates has left me with some pretty killer stories.
#2 – Be Ok With Being Single
This is probably one of the most important dating tips because if you don’t follow it, you might end up in a long term relationship (or even married) to the wrong guy.
This is like getting a life prison sentence.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again, and I’m sure you have too – where people are in relationships that they hate.
I have been to weddings where everyone in the audience knew that bride and groom were no good for each other.
You don’t want this to be you.
Being in a long-term relationship that is bad for you is very difficult to get out of. You are miserable yet you just can’t leave (like I said, it’s a lot like jail).
The best and most effective way to prevent this from happening to you is to be comfortable with being single.
We all have this gap inside of us that needs to be filled in order for us to be happy. It’s human to have this need but guess what? The one that fills this gap is YOU. Here’s a list of things to fill this gap:
- Your hobbies
- Career/professional goals
- Friends and family
- Attitude and mindset
Once you are able to make yourself happy, you can say NO THANKS to the wrong guy and keep on looking for the RIGHT GUY.
#3 – Get Ready To Be Vulnerable
I made an in-depth post about taking down your protective wall in order to find true love. Be sure to check out that article if you struggle with being vulnerable. I won’t be going into as much detail here but I’ll cover the basics.
When you put up a wall to stop yourself from getting hurt, it really works.
You don’t get too attached
Your true self or opinions are never revealed
You heartbreak proof your relationships because if he leaves, it won’t really matter that much.
The problem with this genius plan is that the wall stops everything. It stops heartache, yes but it also stops true love.
True love happens only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It is trusting the other person with everything we have and just hoping and praying that they don’t use that power to hurt us.
There’s a lot of risk.
But it’s essential.
When you’re out there in the dating world, make sure you’re ready to be vulnerable in order to find true love. Don’t go out there with a wall that is going to stop the right guy from getting in.
#4 – Focus on the right guys
As I mentioned earlier, being in a relationship with the wrong guy is a modern day form of life-long torture. You want to avoid this at all costs.
You need to concentrate on important dating standards and ignore the ones that aren’t going to matter in the long-term.
Things like hobbies, common interests, height, hair color – none of that stuff is going to matter when you’re 50 years old!
Do you think a couple that has been married for 35 years talks about how they both enjoy hiking? Or how they’ve both seen every episode of the original Star Trek?
They have to make decisions and compromises as a team. Support each other in times of need.
Married couples need to make big life decisions on a regular basis and they need to do this in a healthy way that keeps both partners happy. No big fights. No temper tantrums.
Here are some examples of what married (or life long partners) need to decide together:
- How many children they want to bring into the world (if any)
- What city and environment they want to raise these children in
- How they are going to pay for their lifestyle
- Who’s going to do the chores
- What they’re going to do now that one of them has lost their job
- How they’re going to care for their aging parents. Can they afford full time care? Should the parents be allowed to move into the spare bedroom?
- How they’re going to help their son because he’s failing every school subject
I could make this list very long but I think you get the point. Sharing a life with someone means that you’re going to face all of life’s curve balls together. In order to survive this you really need to care for each other.
When you’re dating, make sure he’s the kind of guy that is going to care for you.
He should text you back and ask you out on dates. He should want to spend time with you and listen to your stories.
Making you feel happy should be something that he does naturally and if he makes a mistake, he should be willing to correct it or apologize without making a big fuss.
You want to look at his character and make sure it complements yours.
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#5 – Don’t be the chaser
Even though this might be a bit of a gender stereotype, I have noticed that most of the time, women tend to be more of the Type A, organizer, planner types. Women are usually the ones that plan the vacations, plan the dinners, keep track of the kids’ sports schedules etc.
In general, women are very good at taking charge and keeping things on track and organized where men tend to be a little more “go with the flow”.
The funny thing is – this needs to be the 100% total opposite while in the dating phase.
I don’t know why nature got this backward, but it’s the reason why so many women struggle with dating and why they sabotage their own dating game.
Women so often want to jump in and start the text conversations, plan the dates and follow up on the dates afterward but this doesn’t work.
For years and years, society has taught men that they are the ones that need to do this. They are the ones that need to plan the dates, check in with texts, follow up afterward, and keep chasing the woman.
If you do all this stuff for him, you’re stealing his job and he’s not going to like it.
Even worse, it’s going to cloud your vision. You’re going to become too invested in him before he has proven to be worthy of that investment.
This is how you give too much too early and then get ghosted without an explanation.
Take things slow and let him do the chasing. You’ll have a clearer vision of which guys really care about you and you’ll lower your risk of getting hurt.
#6 – Make him feel good
As I mentioned earlier, living with someone for the long term is all about caring for each other. It’s about making a million life long decisions without having one person throw a temper tantrum.
If we break this down a little further, it simply means that two people are able to live together while making each other feel good.
When you’re on a first date, or in the early phrases of a relationship, the most important quality you can have is to make him feel good.
This is one of the best points that I learned from renowned dating expert Evan Marc Katz’. In his book Why He Disappeared, Evan mentions that a guy on a first date is “putting on a show”.
He’s trying to impress you.
This means that the quickest way to his heart is going to be responding well to his show. Laugh at his jokes. Compliment his outfit or his hair style. Tell him that his job is very impressive or that he must be a very hard worker to be where he is.
Don’t lie or say things that aren’t true to yourself. But don’t be afraid to show and tell him what you might already be thinking. If you make him feel like the smartest, most impressive and handsome man on the planet, he’s really going to want to keep you around.
#7 – No interrogations
When you’re in the early phases of a relationship, you want so badly to skip to the good stuff so that you can know if this guy is worth your time. Does he want to get married? Does he want kids? Would he see himself living in the city for his whole life or would he want to move to the suburbs?
I’m all about efficiency (it’s one of my favorite things) but there is such thing as too much too soon. These are things that must be revealed as they come about organically.
Treating the first date like an interrogation is just going to be awkward and a major turn off.
Think about it.
The first date is all about a “vibe”. You can’t possibly know everything there is to know about a person over one dinner. So whether or not you’re getting a second date doesn’t really depend on your personality.
It depends on your “vibe”. That feeling or “aura” is everything on the first date.
If you’re constantly asking him deeply personal questions, your vibe will come across as “uptight, desperate, too eager” etc. even if you aren’t those things in real life!
You want your vibe to be more: fun, energetic, understanding, non-judgmental, easy going.
You will have a lot better luck giving off that vibe if you keep the conversations lighthearted and fun. There’s plenty of time to get to the juicy stuff, trust me.
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#8- Give him a second (and third) chance
Like I said earlier, there is absolutely no way that you can know everything about a person from one date. The first date is clouded with so many external factors. It’s awkward meeting someone for the first time. You don’t always know what to say or how he’s going to feel about a certain topic, and you know what?
He’s feeling the exact same way.
He’s nervous, it’s awkward. He wants to make jokes but doesn’t want to push too far.
If it were up to me, I’d say that the first date is kind of a wash in terms of getting to know someone and you’re really better off going on a second date to really see if the person has potential.
So many women will turn down a second date for the dumbest reasons.
“He had three beers when I only had one”
“His shoes didn’t match his outfit”
“He was too shy and awkward”
I think that if you’re ever in the “he was ok…” camp, then you should try going on a second or third date with him if he asks. Unless you’re in the “ew no, he was awful, worst date ever” camp, it’s worth it to give someone a second (or third) chance to take the pressure off and reveal who they really are.
#9 – Understand the numbers game
Dating is a numbers game.
I’m sorry! I get so much hate for this when I mention it but it really is.
The more dates and people that you meet, the more likely your chances of finding someone that you really mesh with. It’s a numbers game whether you like it or not.
This means that, yes, going on more dates will increase your chances of finding someone.
It can be hard to hear this sometimes because we all want to believe that we can just walk into a book store and find our perfect guy organically, with no effort on our part, but it doesn’t work that way for most of us.
“I’m so sick of online dating. I just want to meet someone organically”
“I hate going to bars”
“I’m so tired of dating”.
Those types of phrases are going to be your famous last words.
Get on Tinder or Bumble, find your favorite online dating app and put yourself out there so that you can actually find someone. No one is going to fall in your lap if you’re always at work or seeing your friends.
We all need some tough love sometimes and this is it – time is a wasting – go out and find someone!
#10 – Don’t rush it
Hold your horses!
I know I just got you all fired up and ready to get out there but…
I just want to leave with you with some final words of caution. When you’re dating, you need to let things take their course.
Yes, you can definitely go out there and start meeting people, as many people as you can bare to handle.
But when you start seeing someone that you actually like, just slow it all down and let things breathe.
Don’t have sex too quickly. Don’t start sleeping over at his place every night.
If he is really “the one” , you have a very long time to get to know each other and let things develop. The beginning stages of a relationship are really fun.
You don’t want to rush through the fun part and straight to the boring life part without enjoying yourself first.
In other words, you don’t want to rush through the hot sex and lovey dovey text messages all the way to “hey, you forgot to put the dishes in the sink.” That would be a real shame.
Hey friend, thanks for checking out my 10 most important dating tips for women and I’m glad you made it to the end! I’d love to hear your thoughts below and please do share it if you think someone you know will find it helpful.
How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality
I hope you found this article helpful, but it does you no good if the men you’re attracting are not high-quality.
You’re a confident and successful woman – you deserve a confident and successful man.
If you’re interested in learning what High-Quality men look for in a woman, check out my Free Checklist “How To Attract Higher Quality Men”.