Latest posts by Lana Otoya (see all)
- Lust Vs. Love – 5 Ways To Know If The Passion Will Last - March 6, 2020
- Needs vs Wants In Relationships – What Is Really Important for Long-Term Love? - February 27, 2020
- What “I Need Space” Really Means, And How To Deal With It - February 10, 2020
You want to avoid the never-ending casual relationship at all costs. Find out how many dates before the relationship is official.
I don’t like wasting time so here’s the short answer:
You don’t want to date casually for longer than two months. However many dates you can squeeze into those two months is irrelevant.
A man will know if he wants to make you his girlfriend after two months. He doesn’t need more time than this.
If he avoids the question or doesn’t want to make the relationship official, run away girl! He’s a time waster.
When I was a matchmaker for single men, I learned a dirty little secret about them and that is…
Men who are ready for a relationship, actually want to be in one.
Men who are ready to commit are just as tired of swiping on Tinder as you are!
If he really thinks you’re the bees knees, he doesn’t want to see other women.
He’s going to lock you in.
The Exclusivity Talk
What happens to women is they decide to be “exclusive” with their new man but don’t take the plunge into calling each other “Boyfriend” and “Girlfriend”.
This is why women get stuck questioning how many dates before the relationship is official because their boyfriends are not giving them a straight answer.
You never want to be “exclusive” without being “official”.
So if he decides one day that he is ready to be exclusive, meaning he doesn’t want you seeing other men, this is your cue to say: “ok so we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” If he doesn’t like those terms, he’s probably not very serious.
The guy who’s been casually seeing you for over two months, where he occasionally texts you, occasionally sees you is simply not putting in the requisite effort to win you over. In the long run, he’s a waste of time because he’s already showing you the kind of relationship he wants: low-stakes, low rewards, no commitment.
Men who are ready to be in a relationship will ask you to be in one and that’s all you need to know.
PS. If you want to learn how to date with more confidence, check out this post.
Ok, the blunt and straight forward answer might have been too little information right? You’re scrolling down this page wondering if there’s more to this.
You’re complicating things.
As a dating coach for women, most of the time I end up just telling my clients what they already know deep down.
It doesn’t feel right? Then, it probably isn’t.
Are you questioning it? Then, it’s probably not working out.
That’s not what a good relationship will do!
When I was seeing my current long term partner, I did not question how many dates before the relationship is official because it pretty much felt official from day one.
He was sleeping over at my house. Texting me throughout the week. Asking me on dates every weekend. Picking me up from work. The list goes on and on.
It felt like an official relationship because he was ready for that and because I knew he was making me a priority.
Relationship expert Barrie Davenport tells us:
If he truly doesn’t have time to spend with you one day, he will make an effort to let you know as soon as he is free. When a man is in love with you, he makes sure to make room in his life for you because you are his first priority.
After about a month my boyfriend officially said the words “boyfriend and girlfriend” but even before he said those words, I knew he was serious.
I knew I was his top priority.
You want to be with a high-quality man like this. One who is interested in you and serious.
PS. If you want to know if he really loves you, check out this post.
You’re Getting Ahead of Yourself
If the two of you have just started seeing each other and you’re very excited to have found someone, that’s awesome, just enjoy that moment.
Googling how long it will take to make the relationship official won’t make it happen any faster, and you’re killing the fun part of the honeymoon phase.
Don’t worry though, it’s not really your fault.
Women tend to be planners.
We’re always thinking about the future and the next step and this can cause us to miss what is happening right in front of us.
Men are much better at taking things day by day. In fact, they do this because testosterone is a stress reliever for them and testosterone is released when they tackle a problem head on.
So, scientifically, a man will be more likely to take things slow and only let you know what he’s thinking about the relationship when he’s ready to take it to the next level.
Relationships Are Built On Communication and Trust
If your relationship is truly healthy and heading for the long-term, the two of you should be able to have a conversation about being official in good time.
You should be able to talk about this and be open to discussing it. As a dating coach for women, it is my job to tell women to let men take the lead. He will make this decision when he’s ready, but if the two of you have been seeing each other for 2 months, you have every right to ask him what he’s thinking and how he’s feeling.
Dating coach Hayley Quinn reiterates this:
Relationships are tons of compromise and communication. If someone you’re dating can’t be clear with you, is just not on the same page right now, or is kind of trying to muddle along hoping you’ll drop the subject; they’re not exactly screaming ‘good partner’ potential to me.
Dating is easier than you think
My clients ask me question after question because they want answers that the man probably doesn’t even have.
At the very beginning of a relationship, he doesn’t even know if he’s interested in you. He doesn’t know if he wants things to go long-term. He needs time to figure it out.
Men like to take things day by day. They are not planners like we are.
This means, if he asks you out on a date, he is interested. If he doesn’t, he’s not interested.
By the two month mark, if he asks you to be exclusive/boyfriend and girlfriend, he’s interested. If he didn’t ask, he’s not that interested.
Dating is a lot easier when we look straight at the facts and stop trying to analyze.
A Word Of Warning
If you’re reading this article because you’re doubting if your man is interested in moving things forward, you might have a time-waster on your hands…
Check out my Free Dating Red Flags Checklist to find out if you’re seeing a keeper or a loser.
Now we know that the answer to how many dates before the relationship is official is not actually a number of dates, it’s the amount of time you’ve been seeing each other!
Thanks for checking out my post. With love from your favourite dating coach,