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How To Attract A Sapiophile – 18 Things They Need

Welcome to the ultimate guide on how to attract a sapiophile! As a dating coach and matchmaker, I know that one of the most popular traits people look for in a partner is intelligence.

how to attract a sapiophile

Sapiophiles Want More Than Average

Everyone wants to be able to “hold up a conversation” with someone. But sapiophiles, and those looking to attract them know that this is not about “average” intelligence. Sapiophiles pride themselves in wanting to attract those with significantly above average intelligence.

What is A Sapiophile?

The meaning of a sapiophile is someone who is attracted to intelligence, more specifically, above-average intelligence.

Dictionary.com describes it as:

Modeled after words like Anglophile or cinephile, The word sapiophile comes from a combination of the Latin root sapient-, “wise,” and the suffix –phile, from the Greek for “lover of.”

According to a study highlighted by Psychology Today, there is a certain range for what is attractive, intelligence-wise.

 A new study by psychologists Gilles Gignac, Joey Darbyshire, and Michelle Ooi of the University of Western Australia suggests that there is a certain IQ score which is the ideal to have in order to be maximally sexually attractive. Any higher an intelligence score than this number, and your desirability to others begins to drop off, while lower scores are found less attractive.

Most people are attracted to others who score in the middle range of the IQ test. If someone scores too high, there are deemed to be “too smart” and that person becomes less attractive to the average person.

Sapiophiles however, love the person who is “too smart” and appreciate a high IQ.

What is the opposite of a Sapiophile

There is no coined term for the opposite of a sapiophile. This would be someone who is attracted to people without intelligence.

Seems like there are not enough of these people for it to have its own word.

18 Things That Are Attractive To Sapiophiles

Now that you have an idea of what a sapiophile is, let’s get into what they find attractive. Here are the 18 things that will show you how to attract a sapiophile.

18. Deep Conversations

Sapiophiles love deep conversations. They don’t like small talk and will quickly change the conversation to a more personal or challenging topic.

As a dating coach, one of my biggest philosophies is that you must be good at small talk. This is so you can create a safe environment for the other person. You want them to be free to open up to you.

If you’re trying to attract a sapiophile, you won’t need to start with much (or any) small talk.

If the sapiophile starts asking you more personal questions, go for it. Dive deep, right off the bat, as this will be the best way to attract their attention.

Related: How To Attract A Man And Keep Him Interested

17. General Knowledge

Sapiophiles really appreciate someone who can kill it at Trivial Pursuit.

You want to be a know it all. Someone that has a decent amount of knowledge on a wide variety of topics. Not only will this make you more attractive to a sapiophile, it will show them that you can keep up a variety of conversations.

Sapiophiles also love this because they like to talk about things they know. If you like to learn about a wide variety of topics, they will enjoy teaching you.

Learn more: Lust Vs. Love – Ways To Know If Passion Will Last

16. Obsessive Behavior

If you want to attract a sapiophile, you’ll need to know A LOT about something. Preferably more than one thing.

In order to know a lot, or be really good at something, you must spend a lot of time with that subject.

People with above-average intelligence are familiar with diving deep into topics. You’ll need a bit of an obsessive nature to good at focusing on one topic for a very long period of time.

Becoming an “expert” on as many things as you can is extremely attractive to sapiophiles.

Learn More: How To Small Talk

15. Devil’s Advocate

People who have above average-intelligence are happy to explore ideas.

Sapiophiles want you to question everything.

It is extremely attractive to them if you are willing to engage in a friendly debate and play the devil’s advocate.

In order to do this effectively, you must never get frustrated or show signs of discomfort while having a healthy debate.

Playing the devil’s advocate doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with what you’re saying, you’re just challenging them. You’re just questioning the sapiophile’s beliefs or opinion.

When you do this, it makes them think about their position and they can really analyze if it’s the best decision. That way they will feel confident in all their life choices and opinions. Sapiophiles love when their partner can help them do this by playing the devil’s advocate.

Learn More: How To Find A Husband That Really Loves You

14. Learning Hacks

Sapiophiles love seeing that you make your learning as efficient as possible.

Here are some ways that show them you are doing this:

  • You know how to speed read
  • Photographic memory
  • Listen to Audiobooks
  • Voice memos
  • Productivity or brain improvement apps
  • Constant self improvement

The more quickly you can pump that knowledge in your head, the more you will attract a sapiophile.

13. Higher Education

One of the more obvious ways for how to attract a sapiophile is to have the paper to prove it.

If you have advanced degrees, including Master’s or PHD’s, they will love it.

Bonus points if you received these degrees at a reputable or even Ivy League school.

12. Own A Lot of Books

In order to attract a sapiophile, you must read a lot. Listening to audiobooks or reading your Kindle is great, but physical books are much more attractive. Sapiophiles enjoy seeing the proof that you have read thousands of books.

So make sure that you own the physical copies of books and display them in your home.

Learn More: Is dating coaching for you?

11. Curiosity

Although having a breadth of knoweldge is attractive to a sapiophile, they want to see that you are continuing to expand that knowledge.

This is what will keep the spark alive.

See, it’s one thing for someone to get an advanced degree and become an expert in their field. But if they choose to stop learning there, the sapiophile will soon get bored.

Sapiophiles want to see that you are learning and want to hear what you have learned. This is what really gets them going.

10. Large Vocabulary

This is one of the ways for how to attract a sapiophile and you can bring it out in your first conversations. If you use big words, it will immediately bring your intelligence to the forefront.

This also includes using unique and expressive language via text.

If the sapiophile, makes a mistake while using language or grammar, be sure to correct it! Don’t do this too often, but once in a while will show them that you know how to use language properly.

9. Logic and Analytics

Sapiohiles appreciate it when their partner sticks to the facts.

Although emotions and feelings are always important, they don’t always play a role in figuring out the best plan of attack.

If you want to do something or say something simply out of emotion, be sure to call it out.

You can say something like “I know it doesn’t make the most logical sense to spend more on the white interior, but it will make me feel a lot happier with my purchase.”

A sapiophile will appreciate a partner that can acknowledge when their emotions are taking over.

Learn More: How To Know If He Really Loves You

8. Quirky Interests

One thing that sapiophiles love is when you’re interested in things that are different. The last thing they want to hear is that you love Game of Thrones and binge watched Tiger King.

They want to see that you think outside the box and make an effort to search for culture that isn’t so obvious.

Learn More: Needs Vs Wants In Relationships

7. Strong Work Ethic

It’s one thing to be extremely intelligent, but it’s another to go above and beyond. Sapiophiles are seriously attracted to women like Melinda Gates because they work really hard. They have a long list of accomplishments to show for it.

It’s great that they are also really intelligent, but the key is to use that intelligence to improve society or change the world.

6. Refined Tastes

A sapiophile prides themselves in finding a partner that can “keep up”.

This means you’ll need to know your way around situations that are associated with a higher level of intelligence.

Things like knowing about wine, classical music etc.

It also means acting in a well-mannered way. Knowing table etiquette, avoiding swear words, and always being dressed appropriately.

5. Poke Fun At The Plebs

If you want to know how to attract a sapiophile, it helps to know what doesn’t attract them. People who are interested in “every day” or average things are turn-offs for them.

You can show a sapiophile that you’re on the same page by lightly poking fun at popular culture. A great example from Bustle makes this point more clear:

Many a [sapiophile] enjoys laughing at the “plebs” and their unrefined tastes, so why not share a chuckle over the worst in erotic pop lit? Dress up Anais Nin’s renowned publication of erotic short stories Delta of Venus in a 50 Shades of Grey dust jacket to really hammer the point home. The juxtaposition of these two publications is sure to create humorous disjuncture between your form of sensual erudition and the de rigueur titillation of the masses.

4. Play Classical Music

Reading and playing classical music is associated with intelligence for two reasons:

  1. It is difficult to do
  2. It takes a lifetime of practice

Both of these are extremely impressive to a sapiophile. It is a combination of natural intelligence and extreme dedication.

The best part about classical music is that you don’t have to be intelligent to do it, the process itself will make you more intelligent.

Business Insider points this out:

“In particular, the areas of the brain used to process music are larger or more active in musicians. Even just starting to learn a musical instrument can change the neurophysiology of the brain.”

3. Be A Critical Thinker

This will make you better at debates and proving your point. But it will also make you better at questioning your own values and opinions.

You should understand the logical fallacies. A logical fallacy is an error in reasoning that renders an argument invalid.

You want to question your own beliefs, and the beliefs of others.

2. Change Your Opinions

A very interesting article from Inc tells us that Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, has a great way to test if someone is smart. He checks to see if they can easily change their minds.

Bezos has “observed that the smartest people are constantly revising their understanding, reconsidering a problem they thought they’d already solved. They’re open to new points of view, new information, new ideas, contradictions, and challenges to their own way of thinking,” Fried reports the Amazon boss saying. “Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”

1. Authenticity

The biggest tip for how to attract a sapiophile is to be honest and authentic.

People who are attracted to intelligence often expect maturity to come along with it. Sapiophiles do not like getting caught up in drama or insecurity.

Intelligence also comes with admitting when you’re wrong and owning up to it. There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes, but trying to cover things up or lie are very unattractive traits.

How To Start Dating A Sapiophile

If you want to start dating a sapiophile, or you are one yourself, you’ll want to go to places that tend to attract people with above average intelligence.

This includes:

  • Book clubs
  • Symphony/Orchestras
  • Libraries
  • Conferences such as TED
  • Public Lectures

The League is also a great dating app for finding people who are highly educated. You can also search by education on sites like Match.com or even Bumble.

How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality

Now that you know the signs that a guy wants you to chase him, it helps to know what you can do in order to increase your chances of attracting him, especially if he’s high quality. If you’re interested in learning what High-Quality men look for in a woman, check out my Free Guide “How To Attract Higher Quality Men”.


I hope you enjoyed my post on how to tell if a man is attracted to you but hiding it. Be sure to check out the free checklist and good luck on your dating efforts.

Love, your favorite dating coach.



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How To Find A Husband That Really Loves You

Is Dating Coaching For You?

Lana Otoya

2 thoughts on “How To Attract A Sapiophile – 18 Things They Need”

  1. Hello Lana, I enjoyed your article. However, under 16. , paragraph two is incomplete.

    And, I’m not a speed reader. I’m a careful reader and in fact reread sentences, a lot.

    Have a nice day.

    1. If you want to be perfect you are going to waste a lot of time for small results. It might a good thing if a court room is involved.

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