Latest posts by Lana Otoya (see all)
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Are you afraid of being too awkward or embarrassing yourself when flirting with a man?
Well, don’t worry. Learning how to flirt with a guy is in your biological make-up. That’s right!
Flirting is directly tied to having sex so it’s is a biological instinct. It’s something that your ancestors have been working on for a very long time.
If you don’t trust yourself to just wing it and trust your instinct, have no fear. Here are my scientifically backed up ways to flirt with a guy.
How To Flirt With A Guy – 10 Ways to Build Chemistry
First things first! Confidence is a very attractive trait to both sexes. This is because humans are social creatures. We love human connection.
Since we love human connection so much, we hate the opposite of connection which is rejection. Rejection sucks. It feels shameful and miserable.
Sometimes our fear of being rejected can be so strong that we don’t want to put ourselves out there and engage with someone new. We want to play it safe to protect ourselves.
If you feel this way, it’s going to be hard for you to flirt. Confidence is what you’ll need in order to get started. Renowned dating coach, Evan Marc Katz reminds us of the role confidence plays in flirting:
Being a good flirt comes from a place of irrational confidence. When you have it, you could theoretically go up to anyone on earth and assume he/she going to love you as much as you love yourself.
Having confidence means that you don’t care if other people reject you, you don’t take it personally.
I like to tell my coaching clients something that helps put this in perspective.
Rejection is a normal part of life. It’s going to happen to you no matter what.
After all, there are 7 billion people and 7 billion personalities. You’re bound to clash with a few of them.
Showing confidence also makes it easier for the other person to open up.
Imagine being in a crowded room when someone very confident walks up and introduces himself to you. His confidence is going to make it a lot easier for you to open up to him.
By having confidence and showing it to the guy you’re interested in, it’s going to make it easier for him to let his guard down and start connecting with you.
2. Small Talk
Getting good at small talk is going to really help your flirting. Although flirting has a lot to do with body language, not knowing how to start a conversation is going to make it tough to whip out the flirty body language.
Remember that small talk is not about talking about the weather. It’s actually about creating an environment.
When talking to someone you don’t know very well, you’re not going to reveal your deepest darkest secrets to them, and they won’t want to do that with you.
Instead, you have to chit chat about smaller stuff so that you create an environment where they feel safe. A space where they feel they are welcome to share more personal stories or deeper conversation.
You create this space by having lighthearted and friendly conversations.
This may sound difficult but the good news is that being a good small talker involves more listening than talking.
Michaela at Introvert Spring gives us some advice on this:
In a society suffering from chronic ADHD, simply giving someone your full attention is both memorable and attractive. As an introvert, you are probably already a good listener. Take your listening skills to the next level by really focusing in on subtleties.
You can easily show your interest in them by asking questions. Things like:
“Hey, how’s the week treating you so far?”
“Good, thing it’s almost Friday, do you have any plans for the weekend?”
Getting them to open up and engage is going to be the best way to make them feel at ease and it takes the pressure off of you having to do all the talking.
3. Eye Contact
The first two tips could be used if you just want to make new friends. So what makes flirting different?
Well, flirting involves something else…. sexual chemistry.
As a dating coach, I find that my clients want to be too upfront or forward because they don’t want to waste time or play games. But chemistry does not come from big gestures. Chemistry is in the little details.
It’s picking up on tiny little hints and nuances from the other person.
This uncertainty helps build chemistry because neither of you really know if the other person is romantically interested or just being nice.
It’s up to you to make sure you’re giving off the signals that say you’re romantically interested without being too obvious. Using eye contact is a great way to start.
When you make eye contact with a man, you not only show you are confident, but you show him that he’s the only thing that you care about right now.
Keeping your eyes on him even though there are other people or distractions in the room means you’re saying “I am only interested in you.”
What’s more attractive to a man than that?
4. Smile and Laugh
The next way to use body language is to smile. When men look for a woman to have a sexual or romantic relationship with, they want it to be fun.
Men are much more physically motivated than women. Women will often go out with a man just because he has a good job or is very nice.
Men want to make sure the woman he is with is physically attractive to him.
Now don’t get me wrong!
I’m not saying all men are sleazy and want to get you into bed right away. I’m just saying the subconsciously he will want to make sure you are physically meeting his preferences.
One way to instantly make yourself more attractive is to smile. Smiling shows you are positive, fun and light-hearted.
The other thing smiling does is boost his confidence.
Men want to impress women that they are attracted to.
One of the ways a man impresses a woman is by making her laugh. Every time he makes a joke, he is trying to make sure that you’re enjoying yourself.
The best way to show that you’re enjoying yourself is by laughing at his jokes.
When you laugh at his jokes, he feels safe and confident around you, which increases his feeling of sexual chemistry towards you.
5. Casual Touching
One of the best ways for how to flirt with a guy is to introduce some touch. Touch is a more upfront form of body language.
Since this one is more obvious and forward, you’ll want to work your way up to this.
Start with the steps I outlined before this. Then if you feel he is interested and responding well to your actions, you can introduce some casual touching.
This means a friendly push of his shoulder, a friendly slap on the knee (if you’re sitting down) or brush of the arm. Introduce touch in a friendly and not too sexual way.
This is going to really get him thinking that you’re interested in him in a way that is more than platonic.
On the topic of body language, I want to also remind you of the importance of having open and welcoming body language. Dating advice blogger, Eddy Baller gives this advice to his male readers:
Most people are oblivious to the majority of what is being communicated [through body language] in a conversation. The guy at the bar leaning toward a girl who is leaning away with her knees pointed in another direction, doesn’t get the fact that she wants to escape even though she is smiling.
Sometimes us women can give the impression that we’re not interested just by using closed body language. If you are interested in a man, be sure to open up your shoulders and point your body towards him so he knows.
6. Tease Him
Friendly teasing or making fun of him can be very sexy. The only thing is you have to be careful of is taking it too far. Pushing him too hard can make you come across as mean instead of friendly.
You want to know how to flirt with a guy without making him upset!
One way to keep yourself on the safe side of the line is to not push the same joke over and over.
For example, let’s say you joked that he was dumb by saying a sarcastic comment like “oh, I see, you’re a genius now.” That joke can be funny but then making another comment about his intelligence (or lack thereof) even if he’s really a smart guy can come across as mean. Same goes with anything else, like his fashion sense, taste in movies or music, etc.
If you make fun of something, try to make fun of it only once.
Here are some witty or clever comments you can try to work into your teasing.
“You look like the kind of guy who wears matching socks, I like that in a man.”
“With those big arms you’re probably really good at tennis – or maybe ping pong ;)”
“I feel like I could beat you in a wrestling match, just saying.”
The above comments play to his competitive side or have backhanded compliments that stay friendly and lighthearted. You want to stay on the safe side of the teasing so it doesn’t get too mean.
7. Mirror His Energy and Actions
One key part of flirting is to make sure you don’t come on too strong. Coming on too strong can be a turn-off and also give him the impression that you’re only interested in sex and not a date.
The best way to keep a handle on the level of flirting is to mirror him. If you brush him across the shoulder and he pulls away and doesn’t touch you after that, pull back on the touching.
If you make a joke and he doesn’t laugh or gets uncomfortable, pull back.
You want to see what he’s bringing to the table and try to stay on his level.
8. Focus on the Target Audience
The target audience here is a man! So many women forget that men like to experience flirting in a different way than women.
Women like subtle compliments or mind games but men prefer things to be a little more direct.
Rather than saying “you must take good care of yourself” just be more blunt and say “wow you have huge biceps, do you work out?”
Men appreciate it when women are direct. It’s not something they see often and it shows that you have a lot of confidence.
9. Hint At Sharing An Experience
Learning how to flirt with a guy is great, but what next? The idea of flirting is to have it eventually lead to a date.
One of the best ways to help move the flirting into this direction is to hint at a shared experience. This will give him the impression that you are interested in hanging out with him at another time and he is more likely to ask you out on a date.
Here are some examples of how to hint at sharing an experience.
“Well I could never mountain bike like you, but maybe you can give me some pointers during a nice stroll around the seawall.”
“That’s awesome that you’ve traveled to so many places. You should be my guide on my next vacation.”
“You seem to be a sushi expert! I bet you could show me a really awesome sushi place.”
10. Pull Back
After you’ve been flirting for a while, one of the most effective things you can do is pull back.
You want to leave him wanting more so that he reaches out to you again. Flirting for too long can be a killer to the chemistry.
So much of chemistry is built upon anticipation.
When you feel the conversation or jokes coming to a lull, find a way to put a stop to it and end it.
If you want him to ask you for your number, just hint at removing yourself from the conversation so he feels the pressure to ask. You can say things like:
“Wow, we’ve been chatting for 20 minutes already! I should be getting back to work soon.”
“Oh how the time flies! My friends are going to wonder what happened to me.”
Saying something like that will indicate to him that you’re about to leave and if he doesn’t make a move quickly, he’ll have to wait until next time.
Bonus Tip! Make sure he’s worth it
Now that you know how to flirt with a guy, you’ll want to make sure he’s got long-term potential. If you want to know what the most disastrous dating red flags are, you can download my free Red Flags Checklist here.
Now you know some of the best ways for how to flirt with a guy. If you still feel nervous, don’t worry. Flirting will feel more natural the more you practice!