“Ghosting” isn’t a new trend in the world of dating. In fact, it’s something that has been around since the beginning of time.
What Is Ghosting?
Well, the Google definition is “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.”
In other words, you meet a guy, you establish a connection, and it seems to be going somewhere.
But then, out of the blue, you never hear from him again.
It’s unexpected, unprecedented, and downright disheartening — right?
I get it.
After all, I’ve had my fair share of ghosters in the past. (Haven’t we all?)
That said, it’s difficult to know the right way to respond to ghosting, so here are my tips!
5 Signs You Might Be Ghosted
The clients I have who have been ghosted were usually in the early stages of dating someone when it happened.
They didn’t know the person well and, in hindsight, there were some fundamental issues with the relationship.
Essentially, everything may seem great with the guy you’re dating upon first impressions.
However, be on the lookout for these 5 red flags to protect yourself from ghosting.
#5 – He’s Blowing Hot and Cold
One of the most prominent signs that you may be ghosted is if he’s giving you mixed signals.
Or he may frequently change how he behaves with you — i.e. be all over you in private and then refuse to even hold your hand in public. Humph.
Needless to say, this will be confusing, hurtful, and nothing short of frustrating.
#4 – He Doesn’t Seem Emotionally Invested
When I was ghosted, the ghoster was always pretty closed off. He wouldn’t share many details about his life or what his plans were.
In fact, it was like trying to work out the square root of 169 without a calculator.
Whenever I communicated my feelings and asked him about his, he would dodge the question or change the subject.
Contrast this with the man who turned into my fiancee…we were telling each other our deepest secrets only a few dates in.
- He will struggle to relinquish control and adapt his typical routine to include you in it
- He will flatter you, be flirty, and keep the conversation light without giving too much away
- He will seek perfection in a partner and point out your flaws so he has an excuse to walk away
- He will have a past full of short relationships so he doesn’t have to reach the intimacy stage
- He will seem angry and distrustful of the opposite sex and may even admit that he doesn’t do well in relationships
It’s all about spotting these signs early so you can protect your heart.
#3 – He’s Openly Dating Other Women
Another giveaway that your guy is emotionally unavailable is if he’s blatantly keeping his options open.
Perhaps he talks about other women or flirts with them in front of you. Or maybe they’re all over his social media pages.
Either way, guys who don’t make you a priority are common ghosters in the digital age.
And always remember that you’re the main steak dinner, not a side dish.
#2 – He Refuses to Talk About Your Future as a Couple
A guy who’s about to ghost you will also avoid talking about the future of your relationship.
If you try to ask him about it, he’ll give vague answers or promise to come back to it at a later date. Or he might even change the subject (much to your annoyance!).
In addition, he’ll avoid putting a label on the relationship and you’ll always be “just some girl he was seeing.”
This is absolutely unacceptable behavior and it is something you should not stand for.
Remember that high-status women act in a way that keeps a high-status men on his toes. You don’t ever want to let him get away with things that don’t serve your best interest.
If you want to learn more about high-status dating click here.
#1 – He’s Started to Reduce Communication
The ultimate sign that the guy you’re dating is about to ghost you? The messages he sends you when you’re apart just keep getting worse.
I’m talking about one-word texts, a text once in a blue moon, and communication that is now practically ice cold compared to how it once was — i.e. a burning hot flame.
In this case, things are about to get real spooky real quick.
Related: If He Hasn’t Texted for A Week He’s…
How to Respond to Ghosting
Disclaimer: there’s no right or wrong way for how to respond to ghosting.
However, these tips will help you to deal with it in a mature and healthy way.
Give It Time
First things first, don’t just assume you’re being ghosted if he doesn’t text back after a few days.
There might be a valid reason, such as a family emergency.
Give him the benefit of the doubt until time reveals the truth.
And if it’s been a week and there’s still nothing but the sound of crickets, I’m sorry to tell you that you might have been ghosted.
A popular initial reaction is to take offense. You might wonder, should I text him? Should I call him? You’re probably tempted to send him a text asking how he’s doing or saying that you haven’t heard from him “in a while”.
But, to be honest, this would only make the situation worse.
Remember men in the early stages of dating are very primal. They want to hunt and if they are no longer interested, they will stop the hunt.
Only in very rare circumstances will a man want you to chase him.
But I know it can be hard not to text him. You’re curious about what happened, you just want to know. Before you text, you need to take a deep breath.
If you’re struggling to stay calm, Healthline also suggests the following:
- Admit that you’re angry. When you express and label how you’re feeling, the anger is more likely to decrease.
- Challenge your thoughts. When you’re angry, you have irrational thoughts that are the “worst-case scenario.” Ask yourself if the thoughts and the conclusion that you’re coming to are a true reflection of what’s happening or an exaggerated version.
- Exercise. This releases emotional energy and stimulates serotonin to help you calm down and feel better.
- Write it down. Sometimes we’re too angry to even talk. Writing down how you feel will help you get negative thoughts out of your head.
- Think it through. Don’t be too hasty with whatever you do next. Take some time to process your anger. Ask yourself questions such as “How important is this?” and “Am I going to allow this person to disrupt my peace?”.
The idea is to be in a good headspace before you proceed with what’s next.
Consider Asking for Closure
According to Psychology Today, it’s normal to feel unsatisfied once you’ve been ghosted.
Why? Well, because we’re information-seeking animals. As a result, our brain is wired to search for solutions to problems.
Until we have an answer, we can’t move on from a particular question.
Hence, reaching out to your ghoster for closure is a good call if you want to help yourself move past this unpleasant experience.
But before you send a “closure” text, make sure that you are fully willing to walk away.
Send a text that says something like.
“It has been nice hanging out with you but since I haven’t heard from you in a week, it’s best that we say our goodbyes. I wish you all the best :)”
This is a “high-value” text that makes you look like you have self-respect and also that you are mature enough to say goodbye to people when you’re no longer interested. Unlike him!
If he doesn’t reply, this is usually because of one of the following reasons:
- He’s chicken. People who don’t handle conflict well fear confrontation and will actively avoid it.
- He’s avoidant. Ghosters tend to have intimacy problems and don’t want to acknowledge a relationship that’s getting too close for comfort.
- Learn about avoidant attachment style here.
- He’s ashamed. He has low self-esteem and wants to avoid the criticism and shame he anticipates by getting to know you better.
- He’s a game-player. He lacks respect for your feelings because he assumed your relationship was just a way to satisfy his ego and sexual needs.
- He’s seeking safety. If you’ve been in arguments in the past where you’ve raged at him, been violent, or been emotionally abusive, he may have ghosted you as a way to protect himself.
Even if he doesn’t respond to your final goodbye, it doesn’t hurt to try.
And at least you leave the relationship with the last word.
Related: Traits of A High-Quality Man
If you’ve tried to reach out and he’s still not responding, he’s not even worth your time anymore.
Cut your losses and delete his number, remove him from social media, and forget about him.
After all, he’s clearly not the person you once thought he was.
Related: How To Make A Man Chase You
How to Move On From Being Ghosted: 5 Things to Remember
Even though being ghosted is shocking and humiliating, you will get through it.
In the meantime, just remember these key things.
#5 – You’re Allowed to Be Upset
Firstly, allow yourself to feel everything you want to feel.
If you want to cry, cry. If you want to take up boxing to let out your anger, do it. If you feel like taking a break from men, take a break from men.
Learn more about self-care.
Either way, give yourself time to grieve the relationship. This person was once important in your life and now he’s out of the picture — and you need to learn to accept that.
In the long run, giving yourself this time to heal is worth doing.
How come? Well, it will make you more emotionally available for the next guy who comes along.
Remember that healthy attachment styles attract other healthy attachments styles. Learn more about that here.
#4 – It Says More About Him Than You
When you’ve been ghosted, it’s easy to look inward for an answer because the ghoster doesn’t necessarily give you an answer.
That said, you need to remember that this isn’t your fault. There’s nothing you should or could have done.
If he wants to behave like a coward and not end the relationship respectfully, then that’s on him.
You can hold your head up high knowing that you would never, and will never, treat someone that way.
Related: How To Move On From An Ex
#3 – A Ghoster Won’t Make a Good Partner
Let’s face it, you don’t want a ghoster for a partner anyway.
How come? Well, let’s recap. Going out with a ghoster usually means he’s:
- Emotionally unavailable
- Playing the field
- Bad at communicating
- Lacking in common human decency
You want to be with someone who can communicate when he has a problem — and not just runs at the first sign of trouble. Right?
#2 – A Ghoster Won’t Change
The truth is, if a guy can ghost once, he can do it again.
Heard the expression: “once a cheater, always a cheater”? Well, once a ghoster, always a ghoster.
And like I said before, it’s best to avoid ghosters like the plague.
#1 – You Deserve Better
Do you need a man in your life?
Of course not!
You are a confident and successful woman. You have good friends, a good job and you’ve been working on making your life amazing for years.
You deserve someone who can communicate his thoughts and feelings easily and when asked.
And you deserve someone who is solely focused on getting to know you and being with you.
After all, there’s going to be an amazing future between you and a guy like that.
And the fact of the matter is, you can’t have a future with a ghoster.
How To Attract High-Quality Men
I hope you found this article helpful, but it does you no good if you’re not attracting High-Quality.
If you’re a confident and successful woman, you need a confident and successful man.
It sucks to be ghosted and you may not always know how to respond to ghosting.
However, unfortunately, it does happen in today’s age where it’s so easy to dispose of one romantic connection and move onto another (in just a click of a button!).
Just realize that you’re always better than a ghoster if you have self-respect, boundaries and standards.
Then can cut that ghoster out of your life knowing that there are better (and less scary) things to come.
Love, your favorite dating coach.