If A Guy Doesn’t Text You For A Week, He’s Probably…

If a guy doesn't text you for a week vancouver dating coach for women
Lana Otoya
If a guy doesn't text you for a week

You really liked this one, didn’t you? The date went well. He was funny. You were laughing, and then poof! He doesn’t follow up or text. Here’s what you do, in a few simple steps.

Step 1. Next!

If a guy doesn’t text you in a week, he’s probably not that interested. Even if he hasn’t fully ghosted you, the long gap between texts is not a good sign.

You were hoping I wasn’t going to say this, but I wouldn’t be a professional dating coach if I was scared to share the truth.

Men know it’s their job to take the lead. They know they have to text a woman who they are interested in, or she could start chatting it up with another man.

If you haven’t heard from this guy in a week, don’t text him and don’t think about him anymore – just chalk this one up as another one that didn’t work.

But wait! You might be saying. What if he’s just busy? Dating coach, Anna Jorgensen has the answer to that question.

Is He Just Really Busy?
If a man is still building his kingdom, then his career will come first. (If he’s a great lover, you’ll come, too, but it’ll be when his work is done for the day.)So, yeah, he could be super busy. But if he’s into you, he’ll reach out — 

See? Even if he’s really busy, he’ll still reach out. Period, end of story.

PS. Want to know why men ghost? Here’s the scientific answer.

Step 2. Release Your Energy

When you meet someone that is really awesome, it can give you this overwhelming feeling of excitement. It’s that glimmer of hope that maybe you won’t need to swipe on Bumble anymore. Maybe the search for that high-quality man is finally over!

That hope is what is making you hold onto something and question it, even if it feels wrong. It can be hard to let it go if this seemingly great guy decides to ignore you after a date that went so well.

What you’re dealing with is all this built up energy.

You’re wondering what happened. Did he forget how great the date went? Did he get kidnapped? Maybe work really is that busy for him this week?

All of this mental energy will drive you nuts and you’ll want to text him just so you can breathe a sigh of relief.

You’ll reach the point where you don’t even care if he’s not interested anymore you just want an answer. You’ll be tempted to text him something funny or even a lie just to see what his response is. You want to send the “test text” to see if he’s interested or not.

Don’t do it.

You’re better than this. You’re a high-quality woman.

If he’s not putting in the effort, neither will you. Find a healthier way to get your “fix”.

Text a friend, go for a run, go on another date. Watch your favourite movie again, anything!

Just put your phone away and think of another way to release.

Step 3 – Omg You Almost Settled

If a guy doesn’t text you for a week, it’s a big deal. It’s my job as a dating coach to tell you this, but you already know this. That’s why it makes you feel so bad and has your thoughts racing like crazy.

So listen to your gut! You almost settled for less.

Here’s a guy who has given you one (or maybe a few) good dates and you’re ready to throw away one of your most important dating standards?

You want a serious guy right? A man who can take the lead? A man who is committed for the long-term?

If a guy doesn’t text you for a week – this is not that man.

You’re looking for high-quality, so why are you settling? If you really want high-quality, it means that you want a man who meets your needs. A man who is serious about a relationship and wants to go out of his way to make you feel loved and supported.

With a high-quality man, you never have to wonder if he’s interested. You’ll know.

You’ll always know.

Free Checklist: How To Attract Higher-Quality Men

Step 5: Take Back (The Right) Control

It may seem petty or ridiculous that I’m writing a huge blog post on this topic, but it’s actually a very serious issue.

As a dating coach for women, I see this all the time.

The problem has nothing to do with texting. It’s your need to control the wrong things.By questioning whether or not he’s worth it if he hasn’t texted you, you’re actually wishing that you could control him.

That you could just send a telepathic message that says “please check in with me and text me so that I can still be attracted to you… the dates we’ve been on went so well…I don’t want to be on Bumble anymore….please”

This is the wrong area to focus your mental energy.

You need to take back control of yourself and your dating life. You actually control these things so use your mental energy here. So how can you take back control of your dating life?

Think about it as if you were a major film director.

You are about to cast the role of the male romantic lead in your big movie. So you hold auditions.

As each man walks in, you have to turn many of them away. Some can’t act, some are not good looking enough.

As a director who is in charge of this film, the outcome of it relies on you.

So, do you just sit there trying to turn the man who came in with an awful audition into a good actor just because he’s good looking?

No!

Would a director really waste his time on someone that can’t act?

No, she would say “thank you, we’ll call you.”

And then she’s be onto the next audition.

Your dating life is like this. You are in the director’s seat, looking for that guy to come along.

You have to let go of the idea that you can control others, and instead learn to control yourself.

Your mindset, your attitude and your ability to keep looking and not settle for the wrong guy.

Ok, I’ll confess. I know that what I just outlined is easier said than done.

Positive thinking and constantly reassuring yourself is going to help with this. Like dating expert Bela Gandhi says:

Thoughts like “I’m not good enough, I only attract bad people, I’m too fat” These stories will keep you stuck where you are. You need to turn these stories into positive ones — “love exists for me. I am beautiful just as I am.”

If you need some help with positive thinking, you can check out this blog post.

Step 4 – There’s Only One Exception

After all this has been said, there is only one exception to what I just laid out and that is:

If he already planned another date with you.

If he mentioned at the end of the last date or the next day that he wants to take you out again next weekend, that’s a really good sign. In his head, he knows he made plans with you and he could just very well be busy at work or not feel like making small talk conversation over text.

He doesn’t feel the need to do this because he has already made plans with you and knows he will be seeing you again. That’s perfectly fine. The only thing to watch out for here is that if he doesn’t confirm the date.

He should confirm either the day before the date or early on the day of said date, and if not, I’d consider him low-quality.

This is a man who doesn’t respect your time and leaves you hanging up in the air.

Not high-quality.

Step 5 – When To Forgive?

When dating, everybody is somebody’s second choice.

Although that sounds bad, it’s not really a bad thing, it’s just human.

As dating coach Evan Marc Katz reminds us:

You’re asking if you should have compassion for him. And the answer is yes. Because every person you date is a human being, with flaws and blind spots and insecurities and strengths, just like you.

He may have gone on a couple of great dates with you, had a great time, and then met someone else that made him more excited.

That’s totally normal, could happen to anyone.

If that other relationship didn’t work out, he might reach out to you to see if you’re still interested.

So should you text back? Should you go out with him? If you’re still interested in him, yes you can go out with him, but don’t be overly eager or show an overwhelming amount of interest.

If a guy doesn’t text you for a week, he’s not putting in my effort and neither should you. The level of effort you put in must always match his level of effort.If he texts you after a week and says “hey, sorry, been busy at work, how’s your week going?”

Match his level of effort by saying “It’s going well, how’s yours?”

See? Simple, not too much detail, not too much effort.

If he’s able to keep the conversation going and “woo” you into going on a date, go for it. If after that date he starts checking in, planning dates, and acting like a high-quality man, you can forgive him and see how things go.

But if he goes MIA again after this date, cut him loose forever.

You can forgive once, not twice.

And you never chase.

Get 30 Flirty Texts!

Things might not be working out with this guy who hasn’t texted in a week, but it never hurts to spice up your texting game!

If you need some help spicing up your text messages, download my Free List of 30 Flirty Texts.

In Conclusion

So, in conclusion, if a guy doesn’t text you for a week, he’s probably not high-quality enough to be worth your time.

You deserve better than that and you’ll get it if you keep looking.

I hope you find this article helpful! With love from your favourite dating coach,

-Lana

Related:

How To Stop Negative Thoughts

How To Know If He Loves You – 10 Signs of Real Connection

Why Did He Ghost Me? The Answer From Science

How Many Dates Until The Relationship Is Official?

28 thoughts on “If A Guy Doesn’t Text You For A Week, He’s Probably…”

  1. What if talking to guy 6months.
    & hasn’t talk you you in week. Rules still apply, Or is he playing games LDR aswell.

    1. 6 months is a long time to be talking to a guy where he hasn’t made a move to be more official. That’s already not the greatest sign. I guess I would need more info but in general, if he’s not making a move to be more official in 6 months, he might not be serious. I wouldn’t text him if I were you. You deserve higher-quality if he’s just going to waste your time!

      1. Hey, I currently was talking to someone who had started flirting and dropping hints at me first and most girls just reject them softly so I did that so he could ask me out better than just saying let’s get food, we started talking then he started getting more followers and he posted females and males which I have no problem whats so ever trust is something I had with him. So mind you his a full-blown freaky virgin while I’m not but he’s hornier than me, I tell him I’m on my period, and he requests ubering me since he had a meeting, but I decline nicely and respectfully than he just starts being distant and all after a whole week!!! He texts me saying “he missed me” and while I’m texting him just saying how he can’t just text me when he feels like it, he keeps replying with “Bae” or “Baby” and it reminds me of my old best friend which was a guy he would always complain that I would do this and I remember just being happy when I called him each time like smiling at the facetime call when it was connecting but now I feel like I’m going through so much and I thought someone like Bubba (the person I was talking too) is just not there for me and I can’t text my best friend because he said we cant be bestfriends if you’re doing this on and off bull crap and I understand so I asked him if he would date me and replied with “You’re just not freaky enough like all the other girls” and I only feel like he feels like this because I wasn’t there every day and I’m just falling because no one will understand how it feels to be hit by a bullet by just men and it’s not loving that brought me towards this or relationship problems. Please help me.

      2. I knew this guy from primary school, last time I saw him I was 12yrs old. We recently got back in contact after all these years and he told me he was so happy I reached out to him and that he’s been looking for me online for ages. At first he was flirty and would message me consistently to wish me a goodmorning. Then after a while it kinda died down a bit. We’d still talk but not so frequently. He had asked to see me a few times but I kept putting it off then one day I finally went to go see him at his house… When I get there he is very shy and akward, he asked me when is he going to see me again within the 1st half hour of me being there and he also told me he doesn’t consider this a date but a reunion and that he will take me out properly next time. We ended up getting intimate and it didn’t feel pressured or fake. It was very natural. He was stroking my hair, looking into my eyes and smiling at me, and he even kissed my forehead. We cuddled for ages after and even went into a deep convo about his life. He kissed me at the door and helped me buckle my heels. When I got home I messaged him and told him that I had a nice time and he messaged me back saying he did too and that he enjoyed my company. But he’s still distant and I’m not sure how info me he is because he hardly messages me.

    1. What a load of cr4p, you cant expect one person to do all the initiating.

      Also start phoning instead. Cannot believe you are actually advising people to text.

      1. Yeah. Texting needs to be LESSENED in modern relationships. Its good for quick bursts if info but that’s it. We are trying to build relationships with quick bursts of info. It fools us into thinking there’s morw THEEE there than there really is.

  2. Helpful article. Help please 🙂 I have been casually dating a man for almost 5 months. Currently he calls me maybe once a month, texts me everyday, but sometimes he takes long to answer in which I then match his energy. He sees me maybe twice a month. He’s taken me on one actual date back in March and cooked for me once, but I feel like he’s not making an effort to plan dates. It’s always “can I come see you.” I’m not sure if I should overlook it because of COVID-19.

    On July 10th (a Friday) he text me to see what I was up to, I responded and then responded when I asked the same question back. When I then asked him what he was up to for the rest of the night (it was maybe 10pm at this point) he did not respond. He text me on Monday afternoon saying Goof afternoon! Happy Monday! How has your day been? Like he hadn’t just ignored my message for 3 days. He has done this before (3 previous times to be exact) and I told him the first time he did it that when people do this I forget about them. We’ve also had a conversation about effort where we agreed that we would both put in more effort and he said he was willing and able and was aware it was his duty to initiate things, but he also felt like I don’t initiate anything (I just didn’t think he had been putting in enough effort for me to start initiating).

    So after he messaged me that Monday, I didn’t respond. Because you are well aware of my boundaries. Tuesday he sent me a video on Instagram of a guy leaving a message for a girl saying he misses her and to call him or text him because he needs her in his life, that she can be his wife etc. I thought this was childish and ignored it. Wednesday he text me Good morning, how are you doing today?(around 9am), I ignored it until that evening (8pm) where I answered and said “Hey, I’m well”. He text me back at 10pm and said “How’s your week been?” and I text him back Thursday at 6pm “It’s been good, yours?”. He didn’t text back until Friday at 8am where he said “Lonnnnnggggg lol. Happy it’s Friday. Good morning!” I did not respond and that was a week ago. I haven’t heard from him since. I haven’t reached out or answered that message because he wants to small talk and gloss over the issue at hand which I am sure he’s well aware of. And feel if this is a relationship he wants he would be doing more. I am hurt because I thought this meant more to him though I know his actions should showing more. He continues to be the first or second one to watch my instagram Stories when I’ve posted them over the past week. What should I do? Please help.

    1. You are playing games though by waiting to message him-games are dishonest and your trapping yourself in a cycle of accepting less that your worth. You know your worth-this dudes not it. There are many a man out there that will gladly string you along like this, and I gotta say-this was a DRAG to even read (no offense to you, just the gratuity and dreary endlessly slow ‘back and forth’ you and this man are doing) move on!! This is so below you. It’s not your job to show interest when you are the one calling HIM out either- that raises red flags of narcissistic personality disorder that he would spin it around onto you (an effort used by immature men to avoid responsibility) this guys is oozing with red flags IMO!! And men like this will make YOU start to behave toxic too!

      1. Hey Witney, no you’re not playing games if you don’t text him when he doesn’t text you for a week, you’re living your life. You are moving on and not wasting your energy on someone who isn’t putting in effort to be with you.

        It’s not so much about holding off texting as a “test” to see if he’ll text you back, it’s more just being confident that he’ll text you, and if he doesn’t, then you have the inner strength to move on rather than start chasing him. This is how you find a man who is truly committed and wants to take the relationship to the next level and it’s also how you stop bending over backwards for men who aren’t putting in enough effort for you.

        1. Thank you. Reading this today. Going through alot. It’s alotdeeper than I want to discuss but this advice still is perfectly applicable! Thank you so much for your time and concerns for others. Beat wishes love and protection for your kind heart!

  3. So there’s this guy I met over tinter. We went on a good date & he was like let’s do this again. But he didn’t follow through. So I dmed him. We went on a few dates & then he turned me down. A few weeks ago he started dming me pretty consistently & I responded. Because I guess I’ll give him a 2nd chance. We went out to coffee & I couldn’t detect any signs of flirting. We didn’t talk about what happened before just talked about random stuff. He hasn’t dmed me yet but he liked an old photo of mine I shared on my story. Idk what he wants. I don’t think he knows what he wants. Definitely if he doesn’t reach out again for a week I’m dropping it completely. No need to waist my time. Specially knowing what I want. But I do get cought up on was I not flirty enough, so on, so on. But he’s kinda giving me nothing to go off of. So frustrating.

    1. A one-night stand. I usually lie to the dudes about us having sex, and I see if that’s what he really is here for then you drop him cause yeah not happening

  4. Suppose he texts you, but never call? I noticed that I was making the calls. So, I stopped just to see if he would call me. He never called, but he text almost everyday.

  5. What to do if you miss someone but they ignore your message after being best friends then your not best friends because you don’t want to get hurt because he’s that type of best friend that has hoes when he’s single but I’m expected to not be able to talk to dudes I texted him back after a day and A GURL REPLIED!! She had said “Quit texting him he doesn’t care or okay he still don’t care” and I waited for him to txt back apologizing but there was nothing. SO NOW AS MY LIFE GOES WEEE I’m expected to be ignored. Time to holler at his bestfriend.

  6. Dated a guy 20 yrs ago but he was so full on and it made me want to take things slowly. Lasted a few months, never slept together and it ended on friendly terms. Thought about him over the years and 9 yrs ago aged 39 and him 46 we tried again. He was with me every moment he could be, we never fell out or split up. He said we were made for each other, he loved me and would grow old with me etc. My kids see him as father figure and my grandaughter (3yrs) calls him grandad. I adored him and would have done forever. The only thing i needed cost nothing. Dont lie or cheat. Hes never been unfaithful and hates liars and, he knew i was hurt badly in past.
    After ghosting me 10th – 18th november (14th is my birthday) for 2 weeks he told me he had money problems etc but nothing wrong with us. Boxing day he calls to ask what time he should come over and we need to talk.knowing i’d ask why he tells me he’s lost that loving feeling. Over 3 calls it went from he’d slept with somone once, months ago and guilt killed him. Now this woman is a friend. Then it was same as above but possably a relationship in future. Lastly hes been with her and in a relationship and covid was 90% to blame.
    What i don’t get is he didn’t understand why i wouldn’t let him come over to talk to me. I did not want him to stay friends and visit me in future. But he still loves and will miss me and kids. After telling him no to all above and he can’t possibly love me etc after what he was doing he left me knowing another lockdown was coming and i would be totally alone.
    if he has change of heart though he will hunt me down even if it takes another 20 yrs. This woman has same name as me which hurts she got married 12 months earlier, got matching tattoo with him as sign of love then dumped her husband when he was in a coma. This left him homeless when he recovered. 8 weeks later she was seeing my partner. How can anyone do this after 9 yrs esp for a woman like that?
    So, why am i a complete mess when he is selfish lying *********? How can i ever get through it and quickly?

  7. I need it this ,glad i found this article. I started dating this guy and has been amazing,the connection is perfect,everything flow in such a perfect way but I felt something was wrong ,I felt in my gut i need to have a conversation cause after months i never knew anything about him. I knew he has a kid and he is separated for like 3 years from his wife,but turns out he still married . He doesn’t want to commit with anyone cause I can see he can’t handle another failure,he is damaged from his past and seems hard for him to believe in love,to believe how good our relationship was. So I end it ,we kept talking,he kept texting and even calling although not making plans . I told him if nothing will happen between us he doesn’t have to call or text me ,I’m not up for this if we are not together. So is being a week he hasn’t text ,is over and I can’t believe he won’t even fight for this . I don’t know if I did the right thing to walk away, i still can’t believe he doesn’t want me ,is upsetting and I’m just tired of being used and fooled . Why he will be so into me and then just leave all behind.. I’m so hurt and i want to call him ;( any advice over this will be helpful please.

  8. I met this guy via virtually who was introduced to me by my relative. He is in Canada and I am in Australia. We had a talk and he asked my number and I gave him. Then, after a week of meeting him virtually he messaged me and we had a conversation via text. Then he hasn’t texted me back. It’s been 2 weeks. Is this guy not interested?

    If he texts me should I ignore? Or should I reply?

  9. hahahah this was amazing! i kept expecting there to be a “do it if it you want!” and there wasn’t and i love that!

    we need to love ourselves and hold our self worth high

    thank you 🙂

  10. Had to sign up just so I could comment on this article. The occasional good point but a lot of this is really quite absurd. You expect the man to set up the 1st date, text you first after said date, set up the 2nd date and then finally be the one to confirm this date? A relationship (however early stages it may be) is a TWO WAY STREET. Men have lives and if you like them and want to see them you have to make some effort, not merely sit there waiting for him to call you. Speaking from experience, if a woman doesn’t text me after a 1st date I assume she is uninterested and work from that mindset when considering whether to try setting up a 2nd date or not.

    1. Hey Adam, gentlemen and high-quality men know that they should be the ones to initiate the first and second date. If you’re not doing this, you are going to miss out on high-quality women that don’t want to chase a man.

  11. There’s this guy, we’ve been texting for 5 months and started going out 3 weeks ago. We’ve met 5 times, and then he was going to go on a holiday and wanted to see me the day before leaving too. I really like how things flow between us in person and in text. I feel he is very caring and considerate in our interactions.

    So everything went great so far for me except for this last bit: he’s been gone on a holiday for a week now (in total he’ll be away 2 weeks) and we haven’t texted each other.

    In my mind he is the one who should text because, you know, as we don’t know each other that well yet i wouldn’t want him to feel like i bug him while he’s away doing his thing with his friends. And in my mind, he would think that too, so if he wanted he would text.

    I’ve read a lot of answers to similar topics saying “you can’t say something”, “you’re not together”,a holiday is the time to switch off completely” etc but i keep thinking: if you’re interested in a person and really like them would you really not text them even if it’s a holiday? How can you not have the urge to? So then i’m thinking he might not like me enough. But someone would say “what if he is thinking the same thing as you?”

    I guess I was just wondering if this situation falls clearly in the category of the article you wrote of “he didn’t text for a week” or if because it’s holidays it’s not exactly the same.

    Let me know what you think 🙂 thank you very much

  12. Hey there,

    Thank you for this post. It did clear a lot to me.

    I met this guy and we had this amazing chemistry, however, he works a lot and wants something casual, which I completely agreed on, coming out of a long relationship and a hurtful break-up, and being a busy lady myself.

    After going out with me twice, he left for a work trip asking me to see him when he returns after 3 weeks. I said yes, just text me when you´re back and we´ll see. Then I didn´t hear from him for 12 days, so I thought “that´s it” and wrote him off in my mind.

    12 days later he texts me and we end up going from a casual chat into full on sexting session. During the chat he called me “babe” which I thought is just steamy talk, felt in the heat of the moment. I asked him when is he returning, being very turned on and now really wanting to see him again! He said “next week, HOPEFULLY” telling me how he can´t wait to see me when he returns.

    A week later, I haven´t heard a word. Now I feel sad, but the more time passes, me not hearing back from him, makes me care less. But still, for me, this kind of chemistry was truly something special. Probably to him it wasn´t. Since my breakup I have been living like a nun and this kind of attention was so exciting.

    If he texts me again for another hookup, what should I say? I´m not looking anything more serious either, but at the same time, I do not want to compromise my time and my worth like that.

    Big hug,

    Diane

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