Latest posts by Lana Otoya (see all)
- What “I Need Space” Really Means, And How To Deal With It - February 10, 2020
- How To Let Go Of Someone You Love And Move On With Your Life - January 29, 2020
- How To Make A Man Fall In Love With You – From Dating App To Marriage - January 8, 2020
You Really Liked This One Didn’t You? The date went well. He was funny. You were laughing, and then poof! He doesn’t follow up or text. Here’s what you do, in a few simple steps.
Step 1. Next!
If a guy doesn’t text you in a week, he’s probably not that interested.
Even if he hasn’t fully ghosted you, the long gap between texts is not a good sign.
You were hoping I wasn’t going to say this, but I wouldn’t be a professional dating coach if I was scared to share the truth.
Men know it’s their job to take the lead.
They know they have to text a woman who they are interested in, or she could start chatting it up with another man.
If you haven’t heard from this guy in a week, don’t text him and don’t think about him anymore – just chalk this one up as another one that didn’t work.
But wait! You might be saying. What if he’s just busy? Dating coach, Anna Jorgensen has the answer to that question.
Is He Just Really Busy?
If a man is still building his kingdom, then his career will come first. (If he’s a great lover, you’ll come, too, but it’ll be when his work is done for the day.)So, yeah, he could be super busy. But if he’s into you, he’ll reach out —
See? Even if he’s really busy, he’ll still reach out. Period, end of story.
PS. Want to know why men ghost? Here’s the scientific answer.
Step 2. Release Your Energy
When you meet someone that is really awesome, it can give you this overwhelming feeling of excitement.
It’s that glimmer of hope that maybe you won’t need to swipe on Bumble anymore. Maybe the search for that high-quality man is finally over!
That hope is what is making you hold onto something and question it, even if it feels wrong.
It can be hard to let it go if this seemingly great guy decides to ignore you after a date that went so well.
What you’re dealing with is all this built up energy.
You’re wondering what happened. Did he forget how great the date went? Did he get kidnapped? Maybe work really is that busy for him this week?
All of this mental energy will drive you nuts and you’ll want to text him just so you can breathe a sigh of relief.
You’ll reach the point where you don’t even care if he’s not interested anymore you just want an answer.
You’ll be tempted to text him something funny or even a lie just to see what his response is. You want to send the “test text” to see if he’s interested or not.
Don’t do it.
You’re better than this.
You’re a high-quality woman.
If he’s not putting in the effort, neither will you.
Find a healthier way to get your “fix”.
Text a friend, go for a run, go on another date. Watch your favourite movie again, anything!
Just put your phone away and think of another way to release.
Step 3 – Omg You Almost Settled
If a guy doesn’t text you for a week, it’s a big deal.
It’s my job as a dating coach to tell you this, but you already know this.
That’s why it makes you feel so bad and has your thoughts racing like crazy.
So listen to your gut! You almost settled for less.
Here’s a guy who has given you one (or maybe a few) good dates and you’re ready to throw away one of your most important dating standards?
You want a serious guy right?
A man who can take the lead?
A man who is committed for the long-term?
If a guy doesn’t text you for a week – this is not that man.
You’re looking for high-quality, so why are you settling?
If you really want high-quality, it means that you want a man who meets your needs.
A man who is serious about a relationship and wants to go out of his way to make you feel loved and supported.
With a high-quality man, you never have to wonder if he’s interested. You’ll know.
You’ll always know.
But if you need some help determining if he loves you, check out these 10 signs of real connection.
Step 5: Take Back (The Right) Control
It may seem petty or ridiculous that I’m writing a huge blog post on this topic, but it’s actually a very serious issue.
As a dating coach for women, I see this all the time.
The problem has nothing to do with texting.
It’s your need to control the wrong things.
By questioning whether or not he’s worth it if he hasn’t texted you, you’re actually wishing that you could control him.
That you could just send a telepathic message that says “please check in with me and text me so that I can still be attracted to you… the dates we’ve been on went so well…I don’t want to be on Bumble anymore….please”
This is the wrong area to focus your mental energy.
You need to take back control of yourself and your dating life. You actually control these things so use your mental energy here.
So how can you take back control of your dating life?
Think about it as if you were a major film director.
You are about to cast the role of the male romantic lead in your big movie.
So you hold auditions.
As each man walks in, you have to turn many of them away.
Some can’t act, some are not good looking enough.
As a director who is in charge of this film, the outcome of it relies on you.
So, do you just sit there trying to turn the man who came in with an awful audition into a good actor just because he’s good looking?
Would a director really waste his time on someone that can’t act?
No, she would say “thank you, we’ll call you.”
And then she’s be onto the next audition.
Your dating life is like this. You are in the director’s seat, looking for that guy to come along.
You have to let go of the idea that you can control others, and instead learn to control yourself.
Your mindset, your attitude and your ability to keep looking and not settle for the wrong guy.
Ok, I’ll confess. I know that what I just outlined is easier said than done.
Thoughts like “I’m not good enough, I only attract bad people, I’m too fat” These stories will keep you stuck where you are. You need to turn these stories into positive ones — “love exists for me. I am beautiful just as I am.”
If you need some help with positive thinking, you can check out this blog post.
Step 4 – There’s Only One Exception
After all this has been said, there is only one exception to what I just laid out and that is:
If he already planned another date with you.
If he mentioned at the end of the last date or the next day that he wants to take you out again next weekend, that’s a really good sign.
In his head, he knows he made plans with you and he could just very well be busy at work or not feel like making small talk conversation over text.
He doesn’t feel the need to do this because he has already made plans with you and knows he will be seeing you again.
That’s perfectly fine.
The only thing to watch out for here is that if he doesn’t confirm the date.
He should confirm either the day before the date or early on the day of said date, and if not, I’d consider him low-quality.
This is a man who doesn’t respect your time and leaves you hanging up in the air.
Step 5 – When To Forgive?
When dating, everybody is somebody’s second choice.
Although that sounds bad, it’s not really a bad thing, it’s just human.
You’re asking if you should have compassion for him. And the answer is yes. Because every person you date is a human being, with flaws and blind spots and insecurities and strengths, just like you.
He may have gone on a couple of great dates with you, had a great time, and then met someone else that made him more excited.
That’s totally normal, could happen to anyone.
If that other relationship didn’t work out, he might reach out to you to see if you’re still interested.
So should you text back? Should you go out with him?
If you’re still interested in him, yes you can go out with him, but don’t be overly eager or show an overwhelming amount of interest.
If a guy doesn’t text you for a week, he’s not putting in my effort and neither should you.
The must always match his level of effort.
If he texts you after a week and says “hey, sorry, been busy at work, how’s your week going?”
Match his level of effort by saying “It’s going well, how’s yours?”
See? Simple, not too much detail, not too much effort.
If he’s able to keep the conversation going and “woo” you into going on a date, go for it.
If after that date he starts checking in, planning dates, and acting like a high-quality man, you can forgive him and see how things go.
But if he goes MIA again after this date, cut him loose forever.
You can forgive once, not twice.
And you never chase.
A Word Of Warning
I know it can be hard to know if a man is worth your time or not. This is why I made a Free Checklist of Dating Red Flags to watch out for when you’re dating someone new.
Click here to download the list for free.
So, in conclusion, if a guy doesn’t text you for a week, he’s probably not high-quality enough to be worth your time.
You deserve better than that and you’ll get it if you keep looking.
I hope you find this article helpful! With love from your favourite dating coach,