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Law of Polarity in Relationships: Masculine/Feminine

So you’re hitting it off with a new guy, he seems great – this never happens! You really like him and he seems to like you until… nothing. He seems to stop texting. He doesn’t ask you out on dates as much. Or worse – he cancels dates last minute! So what happened? The answer is the law of polarity and it’s a key part of healthy relationships.

Law of polarity in relationships

What is the Law of Polarity in Relationships?

First things first, the law of polarity is the principle that everything has two “poles,” i.e. love and hate, positive and negative, light and dark. 

The easiest way to picture it is with magnets. Magnets have a positive and negative side, the opposite sides are attracted to each other and the same sides repel each other.

In relationships, the opposite poles are masculine and feminine. They are two opposing energies and they attract each other.

If two people are both too masculine, they repel and if they are both too feminine, they also repel.

Now please remember that this has nothing to do with gender!!

Men can be more feminine than masculine and women can be more masculine than feminine. I personally consider myself to be more naturally masculine, and I had to work very hard to bring out my feminine side.

The law of polarity is even present in same-sex couples. If you look at two men or two women who are in a relationship, you can often pinpoint the one that is more masculine and the one that is more feminine. This is the only way a relationship can survive.

Related: 10 Traits of A High-Quality Man

What Happens When You Tap Into the Law of Polarity?

So how can you get the law of polarity to work for you? Well, first you have to know what kind of relationship you want.

What kind of man are you looking for?

Are you looking for a man that is going to provide for you, take the lead, take charge and sweep you off your feet? Or are you looking for a man that is more laidback and maybe needs you to be the breadwinner and plan the dates?

As a dating coach and matchmaker for many years, I find that most women, not all, but most women, would prefer a man who is more on the masculine side.

This is the kind of man that texts you in between dates, asks you out on dates on a regular basis, moves the relationship forward, and takes the lead.

A man who has these qualities is on the masculine side of the spectrum. So if you want to attract a man like this, you have to make sure you’re bringing out your feminine side when interacting with him.

When you have a good balance of masculine and feminine, there’s passion, which is the secret to relationship longevity and success.

Related: If A Guy Hasn’t Texted You In A Week…

Masculine Energy Versus Feminine Energy

Before we talk about how you can bring out feminine energy, it’s important to know the difference between feminine and masculine.

Now remember, I said before that this has nothing to do with gender. You can be female and have more masculine traits (I am like this myself).

So then what’s the difference?

Both masculine and feminine energy are a group of traits.

Generally speaking, masculine energy involves working towards a goal, whereas feminine energy requires emotional fulfillment, or what I like to call inner strength.

Let’s explore them in more detail, shall we?

Masculine Energy

According to Corey Wayne, the person in their masculine energy has the following traits. They:

  • Are purpose-driven—they like to focus on their goals and achieving them
  • Enjoy challenges—especially facing and overcoming obstacles
  • Enjoy doing and taking action—and struggle to stay in the same place or situation for too long
  • Are protective and supportive—and encourage their other half to follow their dreams

Some may even argue that the “masculine” partner wears the pants in the relationship. Why? Well, they’re known to take the lead with important decisions.

Feminine Energy

The person in their feminine energy has the following traits. They:

  • Are soft and playful—and all about making connections and feeling connected
  • Are vulnerable and enjoy opening up on a deeper level—to strengthen bonds for the long term
  • Have great intuition—and tend to follow their heart rather than their head
  • Are creative, loving, and nurturing—which also makes them empathetic and compassionate
  • Have deep inner strength – they are secure and confident in themselves and are at peace with wherever they are in life
  • Collaborative – Not afraid to ask for help and see the value in using a team of people to achieve goals rather than doing everything solo

The “feminine” partner is also happy for the other person to take the lead in most situations.

Related: How To Be More Feminine – 10 Unique Ways

The Value in Feminine And Masculine

Now, if you take a look at the above traits, which one would rather be – masculine or feminine?

The answer is both!!

If you’re more naturally a masculine person then you’re likely very goal-oriented and career-driven. You’ve probably worked your way up a ladder of success and feel very proud of how far you’ve come – this is awesome.

But don’t you also want inner strength and deep connections with other people? And possibly a romantic relationship and connection? That’s the value of the feminine side, and a healthy person knows how to tap into both.

As a woman, you usually need your masculine side to thrive in the workplace, and your feminine side to thrive in relationships.

When I was a young woman, I wanted to be successful in my career so bad. I was working in the film industry – a male-dominated industry – and did everything I could to fit in “with the boys”.

I achieved both career and financial success, but when I looked around, I had no one to share it with.

I was single, alone, and didn’t have a lot of inner strength. In fact, it was the opposite, I was plagued with anxiety and workplace stress, something even the biggest paycheck couldn’t help solve.

My balance was all off.

If you’re finding that you are struggling with finding the value in your feminine side, check out my post on How to Be More Feminine here.

How to Apply the Law of Polarity in Relationships in a Healthy Way

Now that you can see the value in tapping into your feminine side and having a balance of both masculine and feminine, let’s apply it to relationships.

If you want a masculine man, you want to make sure that you’re displaying a healthy version of feminine energy. Unhealthy or toxic femininity is when you just act like an insecure doormat that gets taken advantage of and does anything to “please her man”.

Unhealthy femininity can also be manipulative and desperate and This is NOT the kind of strong femininity we are going for.

On the flip side, you want to attract a man who has healthy masculine traits. Toxic masculinity can become aggressive, controlling, and competitive.

To put it simply, these traits can then lead to a toxic and unhappy relationship.

Instead, you want to display positive feminine traits that are attractive to the masculine this includes:

  • Playfulness and easy-going-ness, but still have a backbone so you don’t get pushed too far
  • Establishing healthy boundaries. If he cancels on your date last minute, make sure he is the one to reschedule the next date
  • Take your attention away (ie. stop texting) if he isn’t taking the lead
  • Don’t have sex until you have been on a number of dates and he has shown that he is putting in an effort

And much more! If you need more help using strong feminine energy to attract a masculine man, click here.

Attracting Masculinity

The basic emotional need of people with masculine energy is to feel needed and appreciated.

Let Them Support You

Because “masculine” partners like to take the lead, they also like being the “rock” of the relationship. In other words, they like being relied upon and asked for advice.

Even though it can be tempting—because let’s face it, you’re a grown adult who can manage perfectly fine on their own—don’t do everything by yourself. Instead, accept help from your other half when it’s offered.

For example, if you’re moving to a new home and they suggest that they could help, let them. You could even take this one step further and allow them to make the necessary arrangements without telling them what to do.

Ultimately, it’s all about making the “masculine” partner feel important and worthwhile in the relationship.

Remember, it doesn’t make you weak to ask for help from others. In fact, that way of thinking is very masculine.

Feminine energy values “collaboration” meaning the use of teamwork (ie. more than one person) to achieve goals. When you use teamwork in your life and you’re not doing everything by yourself, you actually get farther ahead.

There is value in using others to help you. You don’t always need to be the “Strong Independent Woman” that doesn’t need anyone. In fact, it can be quite a lonely life to live that way.

Related: How To Attract Higher-Quality Men With Feminine Energy

Create A Gap

Masculine energy likes to “fill the gap”. If you keep filling the gap for them, they won’t do it. Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you’re seeing a new man and all of a sudden he stops texting. He used to text you every day and then you notice it’s been two days and… nada, crickets.

There is a gap. So what do you do?

Well, if you fill the gap by texting him, then he didn’t need to fill it. By doing this, you are stepping into the masculine role. This will either repel a masculine man or attract a feminine man.

Then you need to ask yourself again, what kind of person am I trying to attract? If you always fill the gap, you are going to attract men who are laidback, easy-going, “go with the flow” type men. They often lean on you to plan dates, move the relationship forward and maybe even pay the bills.

If you don’t want that kind of man, and most women don’t, then don’t fill the gap! You must take a step back and let the masculine man fill the gap for you.

Related: How To Attract Higher-Quality Men With Feminine Energy

Be Gentle When Giving Negative Feedback

Masculine partners are more stubborn and don’t like to be told what to do. If you lean towards masculine energy yourself, you can probably relate to this.

That’s why if you’re trying to attract a masculine man with your feminine energy, you don’t want to criticize. You can state your opinions, sure, but you don’t want to tell him what to do.

You also have to realize that you can’t change a man. So if he has a trait that you really can’t stand, maybe he’s not the best fit for you and you need to move on.

Remember that strong feminine women know exactly what they want and if he’s not fitting the bill – NEXT!

Don’t Be A “Fixer”

Even though the “masculine” partner loves to be the protector, they also need to know that the other person is being sensitive to their needs.

If they feel appreciated, respected, and needed, the polarity in the relationship will increase.

So, if they’re having a bad day or struggling with a particular situation, be sympathetic. This could be anything from a friendship fallout or news that a relative has been taken ill. DON’T try to solve his problems.

It is a very masculine trait to try and swoop in with advice and quick fixes. Instead, just listen, let him vent, and don’t try to fix his problems. He’ll figure it out and you don’t need to take that burden onto yourself.

Related: How To Be More Feminine – 10 Unique Ways

Learn More About Using Feminine Energy To Attract Better Men

I hope you found this article helpful. Throughout this article you might have seen me reference “strong feminine women” and that is because you can use feminine energy to attract higher-quality men and reach inner feminine strength.

Learn more about attracting men with feminine energy in my guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”.


When applied in a healthy way, the law of polarity can create a happy, long-lasting relationship with sexual attraction on both sides.

If your relationship is lacking in polarity, you can get it back by understanding what type of energy you bring and what you need from your partner to feel wanted and appreciated.

I’m here for you if you need any help!

Love, your favorite dating coach.


Lana Otoya

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