Sometimes even if we’re in a text-book healthy relationship, we can start to question if this is really “all there is” or if this is normal. This is because happiness isn’t that exciting.
Happiness Is Not Gossip
Happiness is not a juicy piece of gossip that you tell your friends.
Comfort is not the passionate romantic love story that sweeps you off your feet.
You’re bored sometimes
A close friend of mine has been married for two years and has been in the same relationship for seven years. She recently told me that she had been asking herself if “this is it” because after the wedding high wore off, things just got a little “boring”.
This is totally normal, and healthy.
Boring means you’re not fighting.
Boring means he’s not always pressuring you into having pornographic, kinky sex.
Stability, trust and comfort are what will keep you happy for a lifetime. The outside world presents us with so many different scenarios.
If you lose your job, you want to come home to someone who will hold you when you cry.
If you get a promotion at work, you want to come home to someone who will give you that high five and that big hug.
Those things feel really good.
Bustle phrased this nicely by saying:
However, those who truly love each other will work to find joy and happiness in the everyday things of life. When you achieve this, you know your relationship is truly built to last.” – Bustle
If things are getting a little stale, don’t hesitate to try and spice things up. Go on dates, plan a vacation, try new things. These are healthy ways to fuel the fire of your relationship and keep it burning bright for years to come.
you’re not working too hard
Relationships are “hard work.” We hear this advice everywhere.
Good relationships take hard work. Sustaining a relationship over years is not for the faint of heart. You can’t be lazy about it or dial it in. That doesn’t mean that it can’t be joyful, life affirming, sexually satisfying, and fun – but the tradeoff is that it takes work. Doing well at your career takes work. So does staying in shape. Why shouldn’t having a good relationship take work, too? – Huffington Post
If your relationship is taking that much work, it’s not a good relationship.
Healthy couples know how to work together. They’re pros at it, they’ve been doing it for years.
They don’t blow up in to dramatic fights, they don’t try to play games with each other, they don’t try to manipulate each other and they don’t expect to read each other’s mind.
If they’re having an issue they… drum roll please….
Talk.
That’s it, they sit down and talk.
Now i’m not sure how you guys feel about talking, but talking isn’t that much work.
Feeling stressed is work. Being manipulative is work. Playing games is work. If you’re doing those things, it’s not healthy.
Your relationship should be easy and fun.
you still cuddle
Everyone always talks about how important it is to maintain a healthy sex life. Although that is important, most people do make it a priority to have sex, even when the relationship is bad.
This is because it’s such a primal need that many of us just can’t do without.
Just because you’re having regular sex, doesn’t mean you’re relationship is healthy.
A better test to determine whether your relationship is healthy is if the two of you show affection when it doesn’t involve the bedroom.
Cuddling on the couch, kissing each other when you get home from work or holding hands are ways that we show our love on a regular basis.
Doing these things every day are crucial to maintaining the closeness of physical touch when our busy lives don’t always let us have time for sex. Cuddling is a quick way for us to release some oxytocin so that even our hormones are helping us keep up the connection we have to our partner.
you still talk to each other
I don’t just mean things like “what do you want for dinner” or “did you put the laundry in the dryer”. I mean real conversations.
Are you keeping each other updated on your life goals and dreams?
Do you share with him your ambitions and inner thoughts or do you save those deep conversations for your girlfriends?
Emotional support is a key part of a healthy relationship and we reveal our emotions and our inner thoughts to each other by talking it out and sharing.
If you notice that the two of you haven’t been taking the time to have some real conversations, it might be time to schedule a date night or go on a walk to get to know each other.
I know you’ve likely known each other for years, but we as humans are always changing – it doesn’t hurt to check in every once in a while!
you Make each other laugh
Laughing and good conversation are one of the corner stones of a happy relationship. If you stop really enjoying each other’s company, it’s really time for a check in.
Your partner is someone that will be by your side for the rest of your life, it is essential that you guys understand how to make the other person happy on a day to day, moment to moment basis.
There’s also evidence that laughing together is a supportive activity. “Participants who laughed more with their partners during a recorded conversation in the lab tended to also report feeling closer to and more supported by their partners,” she says. On the flip side, awkward chuckles, stunted grins and fake guffaws all are flags that there may be something amiss. –Time.com
That excerpt from Time talks about how laughing with each other can show that you support your partner. It is also a way that you can accept your partner’s “bid”.
John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert talks about how happy couples respond positively to a their partners bids for attention or affirmation.
If your partner makes a joke, it is basically them asking you to think they are funny so that they can feel accepted by you.
Now this doesn’t mean you should laugh at all your partner’s jokes if you don’t think they are funny! Faking is never a good way to have a healthy relationship. However if you guys make each other laugh and react positively to each other’s bids for affection, it’s a good sign that you are a healthy happy couple all around.
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