The short answer is… probably not. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear! I’m sorry. There are some, rare, situations when it’s ok to call him, but yeah, probably not, and you didn’t need me to tell you that. I say this because if you need to ask “should I call him?” you’re probably doubting it. Your gut thinks it’s a bad idea so you haven’t done it yet.
If you think that it might still be ok to call, here’s a list of ways to determine if you should do it.
7 Ways To Know If You Should Call Him
#7 – Is A Call Better Than Text?
No matter how old you are, in these modern times, a text will usually do. If you’re wondering how he’s doing or just want to check-in, a friendly text will do the job.
Texting is much more casual and makes it look like you’re just casually checking in.
A phone call makes it look like you want to talk to him, at length, right now.
That being said, there are situations when you should call. Here are some examples:
- You’ve been texting back and forth and things are getting heated
- One of you is out of town and you’ve been calling each other to catch up
- He calls you on a regular basis and now the ball is in your court
- You need an immediate answer. Like the code to get into his apartment or directions to the place where you’re having a date.
If none of the listed situations are relevant. Move on to the next scenarios below.
Related: How To Text Guys: The Rules of Texting In the Modern Dating World
#6- Is He Your Ex?
Are you sitting at home thinking about calling your ex? If you don’t have kids or need to talk to him for a specific reason, don’t do it.
Contacting your ex after a breakup will prevent you from moving on.
This has been proven in studies. One example is this one highlighted in NCBI:
…We found the predicted association between contact with ex-partners and greater declines in life satisfaction from pre- to post-dissolution…In addition, it may be that continued contact is related to, or exacerbates, ambivalence about the break-up.
That quote is saying that if you keep in contact with your ex, your ambivalence about the breakup increases. This means that you start to doubt the breakup and question if it was the right decision.
When you’re doubting your past decision, it’s impossible to move on.
As you can see, calling your ex can start a downward spiral of negative thinking about the breakup.
If you are having doubts or missing your ex, what you need right now is time. You need time to heal and separate yourself from the situation.
With enough time you will be able to think of the next best step.
If you need help overcoming a breakup, check out this post: How to Move On From Someone You Love And Get On With Your Life
#5 – Has He Ever Called You?
If he’s never called you before, you might be wondering:
Should you ever call a guy first?
You’ve been flirting at work or texting casually, and now you’re thinking, should I just call him?
Is it ok for me to make the first move?
You’re a modern-day woman after all, and you should be allowed to call a guy if you want to.
There’s nothing stopping you from picking up the phone and calling, but you really, shouldn’t do it.
This is because you don’t have to call him if he’s a high-quality man.
High-quality men are providers and leaders. They want to take the relationship to the next level. This includes calling you and asking you on dates but it’s also for the more important stuff.
When the time is right, a high-quality man who is serious wants to make it”official” when the time is right, asks you to move in together, and eventually asks you to marry him.
Men who are serious about finding a woman to date for the rest of their lives are happy to be the leader.
So for that reason, if you haven’t ever talked on the phone, it’s best to wait until he does it first.
If he never does it, he’s not worth your time.
Note: Even though your first move should never be a phone call, a text or some flirting doesn’t hurt. Find out if you’re dealing with A Man Who Is Attracted But Hiding It.
#4 – Did You Call Him Last Time?
Is the ball in your court?
If he calls you on a regular basis, then there’s no problem with you giving him a call as well.
Him calling you is actually a great sign that he wants a relationship and not a fling.
When you’re newly dating, before you’re official, the ratio should be 2:1.
He should start 2 conversations for every 1 that you start. You should also be mirroring his behavior.
So if he sends you a quick “hey” text, send a quick text like that back. If he calls you every couple of days, then you can call him back.
The key here is to follow his lead and put in the same amount of effort that he’s putting in.
Related: How To Make A Man Fall In Love With You – From Dating App To Marriage
#3 – How Long Should You Wait To Call Him?
Has he been ignoring you? If you’re wondering if you should call him, it might be because he hasn’t reached out to you in days, or weeks.
Check out my in-depth article on what’s going on if he hasn’t texted in a week.
The situation here depends on the reason he stopped reaching out. Here is a breakdown of the possible reasons and what you should do.
You Got Into A Fight
If the two of you got into a fight and now he’s ignoring your texts or not reaching out. You should call him, no matter how long it has been.
You might not want to be the person to give in, but someone has to do it.
Keeping score of who is the one to reach out after the two of you fight is an extremely unhealthy way to fight. One of you should just do it, and if that person is you, awesome!
Before you rush to pick up your phone, remember not to attack him. If you’ve been fighting with your partner, simply give him a call and let him know that you’d like to talk.
You can ask him if now is a good time, and if not, you can plan a time to talk later.
Disagreements happen all the time, but fights don’t need to be hurtful or destructive.
You can learn more about healthy communication and fighting here: How To Fight Fair So You Don’t Break up With Your Soul Mate
You Feel Like He’s Pulling Away
You might want to call your man if you feel like he’s growing distant. Maybe he used to call you a lot and now he has stopped.
In this case, send a text.
If he’s pulling away, it might just be that he’s busy at work, or it could be more serious. He could be losing interest in the relationship. Either way, you don’t want to be pestering him if he’s not in the mood to talk.
That’s why the friendly text is your best friend.
Before you send the text, remember the 2:1 ratio.
If you’re not “officially boyfriend and girlfriend,” then he should be initiating contact with you 2 times before you initiate contact with him.
If you initiated the last conversation and he hasn’t made any contact, it’s best to let things be. High-quality men know that they are the ones that need to reach out. If he’s not doing it, he might not have the traits of a high-quality man and is not worth your time.
If you’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend, go ahead and send a friendly text. Ask how he is doing, or even if he wants to talk on the phone later that evening.
Doing this will show him that you’re interested and willing to make the effort, but not that you’re too eager.
#2 – Have You Talked About This Before?
The situation might be different if the two of you have had a previous conversation about this.
Have you talked about doing more regular phone calls instead of just texting all the time? Are you in a long-distance relationship and wanting to make more of a connection?
If the two of you had a previous arrangement and he’s not holding up his end, go ahead and give him a call.
#1 – Do You Really Want To?
You might be reading this article because you really really want to call him but you’re not sure if it’s a good idea. Most as I said before, if the man you are stressing over is not making a point to show you he’s interested, he’s likely not high-quality.
You are a strong and confident woman and you deserve a strong and confident man.
A man who is a leader and ready to settle down doesn’t need you to call him. He will call you.
If you’re asking yourself “should I call him?” instead, ask yourself if you even really want to.
How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality
If the answer to “should I call him” was no, then you might be searching for a man that is higher quality. If you’re interested in learning what High-Quality men look for in a woman, check out my Free Guide “How To Attract Higher Quality Men”.
I hope you enjoyed my post on how to know if you should call him. Click here if you want to learn more about attracting high-quality men and good luck on your dating efforts.
Love, your favorite dating coach.
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4 thoughts on “Should I Call Him? The Simple “Yes” or “No” Answer”
I really needed this message! You were spot on with the whole thing and I love how you started it off!
Simply.. Thank you.. I actually googled “ do I call him” and you were there with probably not.. spot on lovely with your reasoning.. it was exactly what I needed not what I wanted.. so I have backed up and put the phone down, walked away and now I’m smiling.. feeling pretty damn good.. bless you.. Cheers Nic
This is such a stupid post. There is no “2:1” ratio, if you like him, show it instead of trying to appear rare. This is so toxic
Hey L, I totally get it! It’s super hard to hold off texting men especially when you really like them. But there is a very important aspect of dating that involves “polarity” which is like the push and pull of masculine and feminine energy. If you text him too much, you ruin this polarity balance and it kills chemistry in the early days of dating.
It’s not so much about holding off texting as a “test” to see if he’ll text you back, it’s more just being confident that he’ll text you, and if he doesn’t, then you have the inner strength to move on rather than start chasing him. This is how you find a man who is truly committed and wants to take the relationship to the next level and it’s also how you stop bending over backwards for men who aren’t putting in enough effort for you.
If you have found yourself struggling to find committed men in your life, not having that “feminine and masculine” balance might be the cause.
Good luck in life and love!