Usually high-quality men are happy to do the chasing, but there are always exceptions.
Some men are a little shy or have a different flirting style. In these cases, it’s ok for you to make the first move – but you don’t want to look too eager. Here are some obvious signs a guy wants you to chase him, and what to do about it.
How Do You Know If A Guy Wants You To Make The First Move?
If he’s shy or overly polite, these are huge signs that he has a passive flirting style. I spoke in length about flirting styles in this article, but here is a summary of the two passive ones:
Sincere Flirting Style:
Sincere flirting means that a man is more interested in creating an emotional connection instead of a physical one.
This means that he will reveal himself personally and try to get to know you, but won’t be overly intimate or physical.
This can make it difficult to see if he is interested in you as more than just a friend. Eventually, he knows that he will have to make his interest more obvious. If he doesn’t want to make his flirting more intimate, he might hint at you to make the first move.
Polite Flirting Style:
Similar to the above flirting style, this style is used by men who want you to make the first move. In this case it is because they feel it would be rude to be overly aggressive.
This type of man is usually reserved and polite in all aspects of his life.
If he is very kind, generous, and humble, he’ll hint that he wants you to make the first move. Shy men who don’t talk much or put themselves out there often fall into this category as well.
When Is It Ok For A Woman To Make The First Move?
As you saw above, you can have a perfectly honest and true man that doesn’t have an aggressive flirting style. Yet, this doesn’t mean they won’t be an extremely loving and romantic partner.
Although I am a big believer in men taking charge in the early phases of dating, sometimes it’s ok for you to get things started.
The key is to spark the fire and then let him feed the flames.
If you make a move with a man and he accepts it, that’s all you need to do to boost his confidence. He now knows that his advances are welcome. At this point a high-quality man will then take over and start initiating future contact.
You don’t ever want to be in a position where you’re doing all the work. Where you’re the one texting him, asking him out, etc.
So if you notice any of the signs a guy wants you to chase him, make sure to give him a hint that you’re interested, and then let him take over.
Otherwise he is not a high-quality man and isn’t worth your time.
Now, let’s take a look at the ways he might hint for you to chase him. Here are the 10 signs a guy wants you to chase him.
10. He Talks About Other “Women”
This is not the healthiest way to get your attention but some men will try to make you jealous.
He wants to make you think he’s talking to other women so that it sparks your interest and gets you to chase him.
A man who is doing this will often talk about women vaguely like “I was talking to this woman” or “I met a woman at the gym”. He won’t be specific, so he won’t say things like: “classmate”, “My Friend” or “My Yoga Teacher”.
He won’t refer to these women in a specific way because he needs you to know that the person he is talking about is female.
So if you find him talking a lot about “women” but they don’t seem to have a name or other title such as “teacher” or “coworker” then that makes it obvious that he’s trying to make you jealous.
9. He Kisses You. Then Does Nothing
This one is usually not the result of a man using the sincere or polite flirting styles.
In this case he is likely just trying to get your attention, and not in a good way.
If he kisses you and then doesn’t follow up or ask you on other dates, he is definitely a man that enjoys getting women to chase him.
This is either because of insecurity or the thrill of being hot and cold.
If a man does this to you, he either wants you to chase him or he’s not interested, but either way, you shouldn’t chase him back.
8. He Compliments You A Lot
This one is a great example of the “sincere” or “polite” flirting styles. In this situation, he is trying to make sure you know that he is interested in your personality. He wants you to know that he doesn’t want to have a fling.
It’s also unnatural for someone to constantly compliment someone else if they don’t have an ulterior motive.
Men know that if they compliment a woman too much, she will get the idea that something is up. So if a man wants you to know that he is interested, but doesn’t want to make things too obvious, he will turn up the compliments.
If you find that he is always slipping in little compliments here and there, things like “you’re so funny” or “you look really nice in that outfit” you can be sure one of the biggest signs a guy wants you to chase him.
In this case, go for it! He is being nice and wants to make sure you’re comfortable with moving onto the next stage of attraction and flirting.
7. Starts and Ends Text Conversations Quickly
Men often use texting as a way to communicate their intentions.
If he initiates texting you often but then doesn’t keep the conversation going, he is probably checking to see how interested you are in talking to him.
He wants to show his interest, but also really wants to see if you’re interested back.
The key is to pay attention to how often he starts the conversation. If it’s only once a week, it’s likely not a sign that he wants you to chase him. If it’s every few days, this is better, and if it’s every day, this is a huge glaring neon sign on the Vegas strip.
So you’ll want to pay attention to how often he starts the conversation. If it’s often, even if the conversations are short he is likely interested and wants to see if you are as well.
6. Doesn’t Follow Up After Dates
This one is similar to him kissing you and then doing nothing.
If a man has already started asking you out on dates and then doesn’t text you or follow up, he is likely insecure or not interested.
A man who has the “sincere” or “polite” flirting styles only act like that before they have clearly crossed the line into “dating”. Once he asks you out on a date, the line is crossed and he needs to start acting like a high-quality man and take the lead.
This is one of the more obvious signs that a guy wants you to chase him, but don’t’ waste your time doing it.
5. Teases You
Some men still use the primary school technique. If he is interested but doesn’t want to make the first move, he might tease you to get your attention.
Although it seems counter-intuitive or even immature teasing and joking with a crush is a great way to test the waters without revealing everything. An excellent article from Cosmo highlights this point:
If you’re generally not a super-serious person to begin with, then the idea of being blunt about your intense feelings for your crush can especially make you revert to your jokiest ways. “Relationships are much scarier than we like to admit,” says Dr. Jeremy E. Sherman, author of Neither Ghost nor Machine: The Emergence and Nature of Selves.
So, if he’s teasing you, he probably just wants to see how you feel about everything and it’s an obvious sign that he wants you to chase him back.
4. Checks In, Then Pulls Back
Similar to the short texting conversations, this is another way for him to let you know that he’s thinking about you. If the two of you are co-workers or go to school together, he might come over and ask you a question or offer you a coffee, but then he won’t stick around too long to make it a full conversation.
He just wants to see how you react when he initiates conversation but doesn’t want to fully reveal himself by extending the conversation.
In this case, it’s a good idea to respond to his questions or conversations and then start short conversations back. If you’re also interested in small conversations, you’ve given him the freedom to take things to the next level.
3. He’s Happy To Hear From You
This one is a little more subtle. If he does this often it is a big sign that a guy wants you to chase him. If you start a conversation and he says things like “I’m so happy you called” or “Wow, it’s nice to see you” then he is really trying to say: “I am so glad you initiated contact with me.”
That is a really big sign that he is happy when you make the first move. If you chase him he will be thrilled.
A man who is using the “sincere” or “polite” flirting styles will often do this.
2. He Suggests Plans
A big sign that a guy wants you to chase him is that he hints at dates.
Let’s say the two of you are talking about football. He might say “It would be fun to check out a game sometime”. Or if you’re talking about a musician and he says “If he comes to town, we should go.”
These are vague hints that he’d like to hang out with you. He wants to throw it out there loosely to see if you’ll take the hint.
If he is doing this, there is a chance that he is not a “leader” or “high-quality” but there is a very easy way to test that.
You can suggest the first date or the first meetup, but then you have to stop initiating dates.
So if he suggests going to a game “sometime”, you can say something like “that would be really awesome! I think they are playing next week, we should go.”
If the two of you end up going on the date, your work is done. You have shown him you are interested. If he was shy or using a passive flirting style, he now can take the lead.
If he doesn’t take the lead after this, he is not worth your time.
1. He Doesn’t Advance the Physical Relationship
This could happen if a man is shy, or using one of the passive flirting styles. He wants to show you that he’s interested in your full personality, and interested in something long-term, not a fling.
If this is the case, he will take you out on dates, follow up with you via text and even have phone calls with you. But date after date will go by and he won’t lean in for the first kiss.
This is a big sign that a guy wants you to chase him. It means that he wants you to make the first move into the physical side of things. You can do this by putting your hand on his leg, brushing his arm at dinner, or offering to hug him when you say goodbye.
All of those moves are great but don’t lean in for the kiss.
Even if he is shy or has a passive flirting style, a high-quality man will know that he has to be the one to kiss you.
How Do You Know If A Guy Is Confused About His Feelings For You?
The biggest way to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you is if he is blowing hot and cold.
So if he seems really interested one day and then totally cold the next.
Signs of him being confused are him kissing you then not following up and taking you out on dates and him not asking for another date. Like I said above, these are situations where I do not recommend chasing him.
If he is just shy and wants to test the waters, there is nothing wrong with showing him you’re interested. But if he’s confused about his feelings, then he needs to get that figured out before you waste your time with him.
So make sure that he isn’t changing his mind or saying one thing and then doing another. These are signs that he is confused about his feelings.
To learn more check out: How To Know If A Man Is Attracted But Hiding it
What Do I Do If A Man Wants Me To Chase Him?
There’s nothing wrong with you getting things started and then letting him take the lead. If he’s shy or wants to make sure that the two of you are going to be a good fit, then he won’t want to be too aggressive in his flirting. You can help him out by getting things started, but then be sure to pull back.
If you are just talking online on a dating app like Bumble or Match, there’s nothing wrong with you asking him out on the first date.
If the two of you know each other in real life, like you go to the same school or gym class, then feel free to hint at dates or even suggest things like “grabbing coffee sometime”. This will be a great way to show him that it’s ok for him to start making the moves.
How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality
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I hope you enjoyed my post on how to tell if a man is attracted to you but hiding it. Be sure to check out the free checklist and good luck on your dating efforts.
Love, your favorite dating coach.