Latest posts by Lana Otoya (see all)
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My best friend in University made a huge mistake.
She started seeing a guy who was “amazing” and “could be the one.” They were having sex and seeing each other often.
Before she knew it, she was in love.
After months of dating, he finally broke the news. He was not interested in a serious relationship.
The catch to this story is that I knew he wasn’t serious after they were dating for about a month. Even though I tried to warn her, she wasn’t aware of the signs.
Here are 15 signs he serious about a relationship so you don’t make the same mistake.
15 Signs He Wants A Serious Long-Term Relationship
1. You Don’t Have To Do Any Chasing
This is one of the best signs that he wants a relationship and not a filing.
Men who are ready to settle down and find a serious girlfriend don’t want to wait around.
Think about it this way…
Let’s say you’re a 33-year-old man who has established himself in his career and is finally thinking about meeting a woman to settle down with and start a family.
You are emotionally stable, over your past relationships and do not have any trust issues.
Do you think a man like this wants to play the “we’re just casual” or “I’m busy this weekend, let’s reschedule” game?
Do you think a man who is ready to find a real partner wants to beat around the bush and wait months before making you his girlfriend?
I think you can see where I’m going with this.
Related Post: How To Find A Husband Who Really Loves You
2. He Introduces You To His Friends
Men who want serious relationships are not afraid of incorporating you into other aspects of their lives.
Relationship Expert April Masini Says:
“When your partner starts taking you out with other couples and hanging out with friends who are part of couples, it’s because they want a long-term relationship with you,” explains Masini. – Elite Daily
If you haven’t met any of his friends after you’ve been dating for more than a month, he’s likely not ready to commit to a real relationship.
3. He Tells You Everything
Being vulnerable is a very important part of falling in love so a serious man will not hesitate to do this.
He should talk about his past relationships, his hardships, his struggles and other personal details about his life.
He doesn’t need to unleash all of these deep topics in one conversation, that would be too much.
But over the course of the first month, the two of you should be having deeper conversations that lead to a real connection.
If he just wants to throw on a Netflix show and chat about what kind of pizza you want to order, he’s probably not interested in something long-term.
Related: How To Know If He Loves You
4. He’s Ok With Losing A Bit of Independence
Men who are ready to be part of a couple are ok with losing a bit of freedom.
In fact, this is an essential quality that a man must have if he is going to be a long-term partner.
A single man is allowed to do anything he wants.
He can spend a night out with the boys or go to strip clubs and no one is going to tell him otherwise.
A man in a committed relationship must realize that someone else has an opinion on the things he does – and he must be ok with this.
Now before you get all crazy eyes on me, realize that this does not mean you can start telling him what to do.
It’s not a good look to keep tabs on your boyfriend and he will probably be turned off by this.
Instead, look for signs that he is willing to do this on his own.
For example, his friends are having a big party and he rather stay home with you because you’re sick.
Or he decides to stop going to the gym on Friday nights so that you guys can spend time together on your day off.
Or that he wakes up an hour earlier so that he can drive you to work.
Things like that are signs that he’s ok with making little sacrifices for the good of the relationship.
This shows he is willing to share his life with someone.
Related Post: Attachment Styles in Adults – Is He Emotionally Stable?
5. He Doesn’t Cancel Plans
Men who are serious are not flaky.
They make a plan and they stick to it.
If for some reason he has to cancel a date, he has a good reason for it (work or an emergency), he apologizes and he reschedules immediately.
If you’ve got a man that just cancels whenever he changes his mind, see sign #4.
6. He Likes Casual Kissing
This is a really big one.
Men who are willing to fall in love and have a real connection with someone, enjoy intimate moments that don’t lead to sex.
This means that he wants to just kiss you on the couch, or kiss you when he leaves for works.
He kisses you on the lips of course but also in other places like the forehead of the cheek.
These types of kisses show real intimacy and connection because they are not directly related to sexual satisfaction.
7. He Checks In With You Between Dates
As a dating coach, this is one of the most common things I hear from about men who are not serious.
If you have a date set up with a man and it is a few days or even a week away, he should still want to make contact with you before the date.
He should text you during the week or ask about your day. As dating expert, Adam LoDolce tells us:
“Even if you’ve been dating just a few weeks, if he’s texting or calling you at least once or twice a day, then he’s serious about you. He’s taking time out of his busy workday to let you know that you’re on his mind. A guy who just wants something casual wouldn’t bother.” Sexy Confidence
As the date gets closer he should finalize the plan, like he’s picking you up after work or he’ll meet you at the restaurant at 7pm.
When he checks in with you about details like this, it shows that he is being respectful of your time and also…
That he actually wants to see you!
8. He’s Ok With Labels
“Why do we need to put a label on things?”
“Why does it matter if we call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend?”
If he’s asking you questions like this after you’ve been dating of two months or more, he’s avoiding something.
Serious men don’t mind being called boyfriend, in fact, they enjoy the responsibility.
He should be proud to introduce you as his girlfriend and tell others that he’s in a relationship.
This is one of the most integral signs he wants a relationship and not a fling.
Related: 8 Ways To Know If He’s The One
9. He Talks About The Long-Term Future
Men who are interested in long-term relationships, talk about the long-term.
“If someone frequently brings up goals associated with long-term relationships early in the relationship, it’s a good sign that [they are] interested in having one,” Bennett says. “This could be generally mentioning marriage, sharing a house, or even wanting children.”
Even him talking about long-term plans that are in the near future is a good sign.
Like, he asks you about your vacation plans for the summer, even if it’s a few months away.
Or he tells you that he may be flying home for Christmas even if it’s only July.
10. He Says He Loves You
You would be surprised how many women continue seeing a man for months and months without any sign of the “L” word.
Don’t get me wrong, saying this too soon is definitely a turnoff, but waiting too long is equally a red-flag.
The endorphins released by your brain when you’re in love are the same as when you’re high on cocaine.
Feeling this kind of intensity is difficult to keep hidden, and most people have trouble hiding it.
This is why head over heels in love couples can be so nauseating.
He may want to keep things low-key in the beginning so he doesn’t seem like an over-eager creeper.
But longer than two or three months without him saying this means he might not be ready for a long-term thing yet.
11. He Introduces You To His Family
This one is similar to the friends one but I put it further down this list for a reason.
See, introducing you to his friends is kind of a “must-do” or there’s something weird going on.
Introducing you to his family is not as integral. Many men will wait a year or more before taking this huge step.
If he does take this step with you, it’s a very obvious sign that he sees you as something more than a fling.
Need Help With Your Online Dating? Learn More About Coaching.
12. He Moves The Relationship Forward
A man who is serious about a relationship enjoys taking the next step.
He might start spending the night at your place more often.
Or leaving some clothes or a toothbrush at your apartment.
Other signs of taking the next step towards a relationship include:
- Involving you in any kind of function where his co-workers/boss are present
- Seeing you in a more casual kind of way. Like coming to watch TV after work.
- Offering to do chores or help with mundane tasks like cleaning or feeding the dog.
- Making sure he makes plans to see you, at least every week.
13. He Doesn’t Mention Being Casual Or Not Being Ready For A Relationship
I almost didn’t include this one on the list because it’s so obvious when you read it black and white.
When you’re in a relationship though, it’s not so obvious.
I have coached women and had many friends that told me the man they are seeing said something like the following:
“I’m not interested in anything serious right now.”
“Not sure how I feel about the whole boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“I don’t know where I see things going,”
If he is saying anything like this but still acts like a loving and caring boyfriend, listen to his words, don’t fall for his actions.
Men usually tell the truth when it comes to these things. Take his word for it.
Related: How To Find A Husband
14. He Wants Know Your Long-Term Plans
He asks intimate questions about your life.
A serious man wants to know what kind of life you’d like to live and where you see yourself in the future.
If he’s asking you questions about your future plans it’s because he wants to see if he will fit within those plans.
Men who are not serious don’t care what you’re doing or if you want to get married or have kids.
15. He Doesn’t Drag It Out
This one sums up the best signs that he wants a relationship and not a fling.
He doesn’t drag it out, he makes things happen.
A serious man knows how to lead.
- He makes plans to see you often
- He asks to be boyfriend and girlfriend
- Your life plans and goals are important to him
- He doesn’t need a lot of time to think things through or see how things go.
- Decisions are made quickly and in a timely manner.
How Do You Know When a Guy is Not Serious About You?
If a man is not showing any of the 15 signs that he wants a relationship, how can you know for sure if he’s really not serious?
That’s right. When you’re dealing with a man who’s not that interested in you, you can usually tell, deep down.
If something feels off or you feel like you’re constantly trying to get his attention, he’s likely not ready for a real relationship.
If you need help determining some other red-flags that a no-good man may have, feel free to download my Free dating red-flags checklist here.
Can You Convince A Man Who’s Not Serious To Change His Mind?
As a dating coach, I often hear my clients tell me how they are falling head over heels for a man and the “don’t mind” that he is not serious.
They want to wait it out to see if he will change his mind, or they even ask me for tips on how to do that.
If you’re 22 and have a lot of time before you want to settle down, I would say sure, wait for him to change his mind, it really could happen.
But if you’re getting to the age where you don’t want to waste any time on a situation without a guarantee, I have to be the blunt coach that I am and tell you to stop wasting time.
If you are like my coaching clients, you are a strong and independent woman who lives a good life on your own.
When you want to go out for dinner with someone and have a good conversation, you can call a friend. If you want casual sex, you can swipe on Tinder.
A casual “fling” boyfriend isn’t adding much to your life.
If you want a real man who is ready to move things forward, date a real man that can prove he’s worth your time.
Related post: Why Men Come Back Months Later
A Word Of Warning
Now that you know the signs that he wants a relationship and not a fling, you might need to know some other red-flags that a no-good man will have.
I hope you enjoyed my 15 signs he wants a relationship list. Feel free to check out some of these other related posts below.
With love from your favourite dating coach,