The post is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
You put your profile online in the hopes that you’d get a date. Maybe a friend or family member set you up with someone they know.
And as it turned out, you both had an awesome time!
Naturally, you hope it won’t be the last one, so you’re already thinking about what will turn him on. The answer from BetterHelp is, quite literally, no worries.
Worry can be a huge turn-off to men. This same emotion can also put you in a position of analysis paralysis, which holds you in place. You’re so worried about what you should or shouldn’t do, so you over-analyze every step until it’s impossible to take any action at all.
Instead of putting all of your effort into worrying, there are steps you can take to turn on the man in your life.
What Men Really Want In The Way Of Turn-Ons
Many men appreciate visual turn-ons.They’re programmed that way. They like seeing a flash of skin, but you don’t have to reveal a lot of it all at once to get his attention. The male response to the power of suggestion remains strong, and whatever you don’t show, they’ll imagine.
However, if you think that most guys are all about scrumptious curves, exotic tan lines and perfect brows, think again. While good looks can be important, what really turns men on may come as a surprise to you.
In general, men find four areas to be tremendous turn-ons:
- Emotional closeness. Men experience emotions must may be less likely to show them. When he does want to share, put away your phone and be present for him.
To develop emotional closeness, open up. Use eye contact when talking; looking into each other’s eyes creates a connection. Lower your voice when talking, as though you have something private and intimate to say (you do!). Touch the back of his hand while he’s talking. These subtle strategies can bring the two of you closer emotionally.
- Confidence. Men appreciate confident women, and they hope you’ll recognize their confidence, too. It says that you’re both at ease with who you are as an individual. Confidence means that you have a strong sense of your own value; your relationship or the success of another person does not define you. You do, and that’s a turn-on.
How can you show that you’re confident? Try slowing down. People who speak at a slower rate of speed are assumed to be more confident. That’s because when you’re nervous or worried, you tend to talk faster. You rush your thoughts and come across as hurried.
Confident people are happy and positive people. They encourage and champion others. No wonder people like being around them; they make you feel good.
- Humor. It doesn’t matter if your jokes are silly or his puns are terrible. The biggest turn-on is your laughter.
Laughter releases endorphins, the feel-good chemicals that make you relax want more. Daily humor can increase your immunity and build your resilience to adversity. You may even find yourself worrying less. Laughing uses fewer muscles, too, so laughing is less likely to cause face wrinkles, which is another reason to include plenty of humor in your relationship.
- A genuine smile. Smiling can be an affirmation. Turning up the corners of your mouth, even slightly, reveals that you are experiencing an emotional connection with the person speaking. No wonder men find a genuine smile charming. The two of you are developing a bond between you.
Smiles can take several forms, from a slight upturn to showing those pearly whites. However, when you smile, be sure to include your whole face, not just your mouth. Try smiling with your eyes, letting the corners lift up and mirror your mouth.
Emotional closeness, confidence, humor, and a genuine smile show that you’re honest and respect each other. With practice, you can use these turn-ons in public and in private.
What To Do When You’re In Public
Guys appreciate public turn-ons, especially when they find them attractive. Try these turn-ons:
- Stand closer. Step into his personal space to show that you belong there.
- Tilt your head when he’s talking. This gesture shows you’re being an attentive listener. Than ask questions to show you’re interested.
- Play with your hair. Twist a strand or let it down. If it’s warm, put your hair up.
- Play with his hair, even if you’re moving a lock away from his eyes. Let your fingers brush against his forehead, his check, his neck.
- Stretch your legs, arms, back or neck. The gesture will make him take notice of your assets.
- Feed him some of your food, morsel by morsel. Let him feed you, too.
- Be mysterious. Reveal your intentions one by one.
- Touch his hand, squeeze his arm, put your hand on his knee.
- Move in for a hug to release more of those endorphins.
These gestures will build a closer emotional connection, and they may lead you to a more intimate setting.
How To Treat Your Man In The Bedroom
Once you’re in private, you can change your game plan.
- First, let go . . . of anxiety. Everyone has that one body flaw they wish they could get rid of. Instead of wishing it away, embrace it. He will, too.
- Try a massage. Even a backrub can lead to something else.
- Undress yourself slowly. The anticipation will drive him crazy. Undress him slowly, too – or speed up and tear off his clothes.
- Sex should be fun for you both. Be open to trying something new, but have the courage to speak up if it gets too strange.
- If you’re comfortable with it, talk dirty. Your descriptions can be a huge turn-on. You can also request that he touch you in ways that turn you on, too.
And those things you did in public? They’ll work in the bedroom, too.
Use eye contact, stretch, hug, play and touch to continue building those emotional connections.
Turn-Off Behaviors to Avoid
Now that you know how to build emotional connections that are turn-ons, be aware that some behaviors can reverse the feelings he has for you.
- Getting drunk. You may have an incident where you have a little too much, and that can be forgivable. However, getting falling-down, throwing-up, mean and nasty drunk isn’t okay. If you’re drunk, your guy won’t enjoy the rest of your time together, and you may not remember it.
- Pigging out. It’s one thing to wolf down your food because you’re hungry, but it’s another to be a messy eater or over-indulge. Instead, pace yourself. Ribs and corn on the cob are yummy, but messy choices for date-night.
- Poor hygiene. Anyone can forget to put on deodorant that one time, but forgetting to shower, trim your nails or brush your teeth is a huge turn-off. Clean up, wash your hair, and dab on a little perfume.
- Talking too much. Your guy will want to hear about you, but resist the temptation to monopolize the conversation. Conversations are two-way avenues that require give and take. Be sure to ask him questions, too.
- Looking at other men. If he’s at all curious, his eyes will follow yours to see what you’re looking at. Avoid ogling other men, taking secret photos of them, and especially, making comments about them.
- Negativity. It can be a lot harder to be positive, but negativity can destroy any emotional connection between the two of you. If you’re willing to be negative about something that’s happened to you or about another person, what’s stopping you from being negative about him?
- Meanness. Being mean goes hand in hand with negativity. Your guy will observe how you treat others, including his friends, your family, and even the wait staff.
- Bringing up the exes. Of course you have exes. He does, too. But he doesn’t want to hear about them.
Great Relationships Are About Communication and Compromise
If you’re still feeling worried about building a connection with your date, focus on the one thing that can make a difference in your relationship right away.
One of the best ways to initiate, build and maintain emotional closeness is to work on your communication skills. Your ability to communicate well can be the key that brings you together.
You can make the man you’re dating feel like losing you would be terrible, just because you reached him with communication: The way you talk, how you look at him, the gestures you use.
The Healthy Emotional Connection
When two people have a healthy bond, they develop a strong emotional connection. That connection becomes stronger with repeated contact and communication, but it requires that both parties commit to the relationship and the work it takes to develop it.
Discovering what turns on the guy in your life is part of that process.
You may even discover that you worry less and enjoy your relationship more.