Your relationship was going well, you almost stopped overthinking everything and then poof…he starts acting distant all of a sudden. What now? Does he need space? Is he just busy? Am I overthinking?
His Behavior Changed
You thought you had a good connection. It seemed like he was as happy as you are. Then, out of the blue, he starts behaving differently.
In both of these scenarios, the sudden change of behavior just doesn’t make you feel good. In fact, this is probably the least connected you’ve ever felt to him—and you’re becoming concerned.
Sound familiar? Don’t worry—I’m here to help you get to the bottom of what’s going on.
Before You Start Overanalyzing…
Hey overthinker! Welcome to the club.
You are here because you can’t help but continuously over-analyzing your relationship to try and “figure out” what’s going on so that you can “fix it”. As a dating coach, I see this all the time with my clients and I’ve been a victim of this myself.
Before we get too far into analyzing your boyfriend… take a deep breath.
Remember that what’s in your head isn’t always the reality. Before you read through why he might be acting distant, remind yourself that no matter what you do, time will reveal all the answers.
You don’t always need to be in the driver’s seat trying to control everything.
Sometimes it’s ok to just go along for the ride. This is a key part of feminine energy and it will allow you to navigate your relationships in a healthier way.
Now that I’ve tried to calm your racing brain a little bit (and hopefully it worked), let’s try to figure out what might be going on with a calm and level head.
Free Download: Use Feminine Energy to Attract Better Men
5 Clear Signs He’s Acting Distant
If he’s being distant with you or holding you at arm’s length for whatever reason, there are usually some tell-tale signs.
#5 — He’s Difficult to Pin Down
At the beginning of your relationship, did you feel like he was constantly making time for you but now you hardly speak to him (or see him)?
Maybe it’s always you asking him to hang out or arranging dates and it wasn’t always that way. Or, nine times out of ten, he’s busy when you try to make a plan.
Either way, he doesn’t make himself available for you as he used to, which doesn’t make you feel like a priority—and it sucks.
#4 — He Cancels Dates At the Last Minute
He’s busy with work again. He’s “tired” and wants to reschedule. He’s “just not feeling up to it” this evening…whatever the excuse, he’s canceling dates last minute and it just makes you feel so broken.
What happened that made him want to start acting like this?
It may feel like the time you spend together is now minimal compared to the beginning of your relationship—and it’s not for lack of trying on your part.
#3 — He Doesn’t Call or Text You Back
Is everything fine when you’re together but then he doesn’t text you for a week? If so, this is another sign that he’s acting distant.
Whether it’s him dodging your calls or failing to call or text you back, you feel like it’s always you reaching out and hanging on at the end of the phone these days—and this is nothing short of frustrating.
#2 — He’s Going “Hot and Cold”
One minute he’s loving all over you and texting you every day, the next he’s nowhere to be heard of.
One thing to remember about healthy relationships with a high-quality man is that they are consistent. They don’t love-bomb you with affection and then go cold the following week.
If he’s going hot and cold on you, it’s a clear sign that he’s acting distant.
Free Download: How To Attract Higher-Quality Men
#1 — He’s Withdrawn When You’re Together
One of the key indicators that he’s acting distant all of a sudden is if he acts withdrawn when he’s with you.
Maybe you catch him shifting his eyes while you’re talking. Or you see him glancing at his phone while you’re supposed to be watching Game Of Thrones together.
In other words, he doesn’t make you feel special anymore. He acts like you’re not his priority at that moment.
There might also be limited physical affection—or attention in general—on his part.
Whether he doesn’t seem to listen to you during conversation or he lets you do all the talking without contributing much, you don’t feel seen, heard or understood like you used to, and it sucks.
So Then, Why is He Acting Distant All of a Sudden?
In actuality, there could be a few different reasons why he’s acting distant all of a sudden.
#5 — He’s Going Through Something Personal
Firstly, it’s important not to assume the worst, i.e. that he’s losing interest in you.
He could actually be going through something stressful in his personal life that he’s not ready to talk about yet, such as a:
- Conflict at work
- Health issue
- Family emergency
- Friendship drama
It might be the case that this problem is taking up all of his mental energy and he’s struggling to focus on anything—or anybody—else right now.
#4 — He’s Got Comfortable in the Relationship
A lot of guys shower women with attention and compliments in the early stages of dating to chase them into liking them.
I’m sorry to say that some insecure men aren’t even sincere in their compliments, they just want to boost their ego by getting you to confirm your feelings.
And then once he’s “caught” you, he may feel like there’s no need to continue trying so hard. For the woman on the receiving end, this can feel like a switch has been dramatically flipped (and you want it flipped back pronto!).
Related: Signs of Jealousy in a Man
#3 — He Might Be Feeling Smothered
Your man may feel like you’re on different pages in terms of timelines, i.e. you might be ready for him to meet your family and friends and he’s not.
If guys feel any pressure, they can sometimes run in the opposite direction.
This is why it is so important for a strong feminine woman like yourself to make sure that you’re letting him take the lead. Men who are serious about a relationship will be happy to move things to the next stage when they are ready.
Always remember the law of polarity in relationships.
If you don’t want to sit back and “wait” for a man to take the lead, that’s fine – but just know that when you make all the moves yourself, you might not like the result. You could end up forcing something that wasn’t meant to be.
Likewise, he may be an introvert who needs his own space every once in a while, and he doesn’t feel like you’re respectful of that. If you feel this is what’s happening, you have to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t need as much quality time as you do.
Related: How To Be More Feminine
#2 — Something in the Relationship is Bothering Him
Another big reason why a guy might start acting distant is that he’s upset about something.
Is he super irritable and short with you? Does he roll his eyes when you’re talking? Does he generally treat you badly?
If your answer to one of these questions is yes, this could indicate that he has an issue with the relationship that needs solving before you can both move forward.
Next time you’re hanging out, keep an eye out to see if he’s actively annoyed with you.
If you catch him being moody, mean or rolling his eyes, ask him if everything is ok. He might just open up and tell you what’s on his mind!
#1 — He’s Scared of Commitment
In contrast with the previous point, he may not be feeling negatively towards the relationship. On the contrary, he could be enjoying the relationship so much that it’s scaring him because of his commitment issues.
According to Healthline, these are the key signs that your partner has got a fear of commitment:
- He’s not invested in the relationship or in you, so won’t introduce you to his loved ones or commit to dates in the future
- He won’t talk about the future of the relationship, changing the subject when it arises or providing vague replies when you ask how he feels
- He struggles to open up and be vulnerable with you, so he knows all about your deepest thoughts and feelings but you don’t know much about his
- He talks about the future but doesn’t include you in the conversation, whether it’s booking trips with friends or finding a new apartment
These realizations can feel hurtful for you, especially if things are getting more serious from your perspective.
What to Do if He’s Acting Distant
Once you’ve established that he’s being distant, these are the next steps you could take.
Take a Hard Look at the Relationship
Could one of the reasons why he might be acting distant that I mentioned earlier be true for your relationship? How long has he been acting distant? Is there a pattern of behavior or is it just occasional?
It’s time to ask yourself some difficult questions (even if you may not like the answers!).
Have an Honest Conversation
The truth is, you can’t just give up on the relationship before you’ve even discussed the problem with your partner.
After all, his reason for being distant may be completely different to what you think it is. As a dating coach – I find that what goes on in your head is rarely what’s actually happening.
So, you need to discuss the situation and get to the bottom of it.
Approach the conversation carefully. According to Psychology Today, there are some ways to speak up without starting a fight.
- Be Calm and Optimistic: Don’t assume you’ll be met with a negative response. When people expect that expressing their emotions will cause conflict, they might suppress them, which causes them to “explode” later on and attack the other person. Channel positive energy from the start and throughout, which will encourage your partner to do the same.
- Use “I Feel” Sentences: Expressing your emotions makes anybody feel vulnerable, which naturally makes you want to justify your feelings and blame the other person. Instead, state how you feel and wait for the response, i.e. “I feel sad.” The other person should ask why, inviting you to explain your feelings further.
- Express What You Want, Not What You Don’t Want: Stating what you don’t like about the relationship might put the other person on the defensive. For example, change “I feel hurt because I don’t like that you’re always busy” to “I feel hurt” (wait for a response). When your partner asks why, say “I love you and I want us to spend more time together.”
The idea is to increase the emotional intimacy in your relationship to achieve an outcome that both partners are happy with.
Decide How to Move Forward
The nature of the conversation should help you to determine whether you want to continue with the relationship or not.
Even if things go south, try to find something you agree on to end the conversation on a good note, such as you moving out at the end of the month.
Remember you have the power to walk away from any situation where your emotional needs aren’t being met.
As a strong-feminine woman, you have an intuition that can help guide you.
There’s a voice inside of you that warns you when something “feels off”. If your gut is trying to tell you something, it’s probably right. Learn more about how to use your feminine energy to attract better men…
Learn More About Using Feminine Energy To Attract Better Men
I hope you found this article helpful. Throughout this article you might have seen me reference “strong feminine women” and that is because you can use feminine energy to attract higher-quality men and reach inner feminine strength.
Learn more about attracting men with feminine energy in my guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”.
It can be unnerving when your man starts acting distant suddenly, but this could be down to a number of reasons.
It’s easy to automatically assume that his feelings towards you have changed. Although, you should give him the benefit of the doubt until you have concrete evidence of this.
(Think “innocent until proven guilty”!)
I’m in your corner always.
Love, your favorite dating coach.