Home » How To Text Men » Why Is He Texting Me If He’s Not Interested? 15 Reasons

Why Is He Texting Me If He’s Not Interested? 15 Reasons

So you have a complicated relationship with a guy.

Maybe you’ve dated in the past and things didn’t work out. Or you had a crush on each other but decided to stay friends. Or maybe you’re friends but you know this guy is already seeing another woman!

Why Is He Texting Me If He's Not Interested?

Don’t Worry, This is Common

Whatever the reason you can’t be together, something is up with this guy and it has you wondering:

Why is he texting me if he’s not interested in anything more?

Well, as a professional dating coach, let me assure you by saying that this is extremely common. Guys do this all the time!

Here is your guide to dealing with this the right way.

#15 – He Wants To Be Friends With Benefits

The first (and possibly most likely) reason that he is still texting you is because he’s hoping to have sex!

Sorry, I know that can be a little harsh, but they don’t call me the blunt and honest dating coach for nothing 🙂

Most men are happy to have sex with any woman that they find remotely attractive.

It’s even better for them if they actually like hanging out with you and talking to you. So even if he doesn’t want a relationship, if you get along well as friends, you’re his perfect candidate for some casual fun.

One of the easiest ways to know if he wants to be friends with benefits is if he asks you to come over to his place for any reason.

This could be to watch a TV show, make dinner or play a board game. If you notice that he wants to hangout at your place (or his) but doesn’t really like doing things outside the home, it’s very likely he just wants sex.

Related: Why Do Men Pull Away After Sex

#14 – He Wants To Be Friends

Now, not all guys want to be friends with benefits. Some of them genuinely do just want to be friends with you.

If he wants to be friends (without the sex part) then it’s pretty easy to tell.

If he just wants to be friends then he’ll be happy to text you casually and doesn’t expect anything else in return.

He doesn’t invite you over to his house or your house, and he doesn’t make any sexual or flirty jokes.

If he wants to hang out, he asks you to do very wholesome and innocent things. Like go watch a movie, check out a concert, or go for dinner.

He also never offers to pay for you. If you’re always going 50/50 on the bill, that is very “we’re just friends” behavior from a guy.

But… is there any chance he might be interested in more?

Well, what made you think he wasn’t interested in the first place? Did you talk about this already? If he already mentioned that he’s not interested or if he’s seeing someone else, you can pretty much bet all your money on the fact that he just wants to be friends.

Related: 10 Obvious Signs A Guy Wants You To Chase Him

#12 – He Is Lonely

If he doesn’t ask you to hang out or do anything besides texting, he could just be lonely.

If you think loneliness might be why he’s texting even if he’s not interested, ask yourself this questions to know for sure:

  1. Did he recently get out of a long-term relationship?
  2. Did the two of you just break up recently?
  3. Has he mentioned having a crush or liking another woman that he can’t get with?
  4. Has he had any other major life changes? Like moving to a new city or changing jobs?

If you said yes to any of those, it’s likely he just needs you to keep him some company. Men get lonely too!

Related: Why Do I Feel So Lonely? The Answer Will Surprise You!

#11 – You’re Keeping Things Fun

Are you making the texting experience really fun?

Maybe the two of you have really witty and clever banter. Or have a lot of inside jokes that you always share with each other.

You send each other funny videos, memes or the latest update on some show you’re watching together.

If you have a lot in common and you go out of your way to make the conversations really fun, it’s no wonder he’ll keep texting even if he’s not interested in a relationship!

If you want a relationship with him and this friendship doesn’t make you happy, then I would suggest reeling in on the amount of “fun” your texting is.

Related: How To Text Guys – Rules of Texting in Today’s Dating World

#10 – He’s Being Polite

Are you texting him first? Starting the conversations?

If so, then he’s just answering your questions and going along with what you’re saying.

If you’re taking the lead, then he could just be a polite guy that doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

As a dating coach, I am a big believer in the power of feminine energy while dating and this means that you shouldn’t ever be the one taking the lead. That’s how you get stuck with men who don’t actually want to be in a relationship with you!

If you want to learn more about feminine energy in dating, check out this guide.

#9 – He’s Bored

He could just be texting you to pass the time and get some human interaction.

There’s nothing wrong with this unless it’s making you feel unhappy. If the texting friendship that you have is not healthy for you, you need to stop.

But what about if he’s in a relationship?

Maybe he’s been seeing his girlfriend for a while and things are getting dull. So he texts you because your conversations are a little more fun and exciting!

If this happens once in a while, that’s ok, but if it starts happening on a regular basis, this is a bad path to go down!

This is the beginning of emotional cheating which is when someone seeks emotional support from someone other than their partner on a regular basis.

If he does this once in a while then that’s not a problem but if he does it frequently – run!

Put a stop to this before things get unhealthy.

Remember that feminine energy means we support all women and we don’t want to get in between a woman and her man.

Learn more about feminine energy attracting higher-quality men here.

#8 – He Likes Stringing You Along

Maybe he’s getting a kick out of stringing you along!

Maybe he’s dangling the carrot in front of you to keep you interested just in case he changes his mind.

If you think he’s having fun keeping you in the dark about his intentions then you need to get away from this man!

That’s a horrible way to treat someone.

You can easily pinpoint if he’s stringing you along by seeing if he makes empty promises.

This includes:

  1. Suggesting plans (like going to the beach) that never actually happen
  2. Offering gifts or nice meals that never happen
  3. Saying “we should” a lot. ie. We should check out that new escape room one day.

Even being really flirty with you one day and then really cold the next is an example of making empty promises. Some people flirt because they are genuinely interested in the other person, and others do it to manipulate you and keep you interested.

You can read more about flirting styles here.

All of this just means that he wants to keep you in his back pocket in case he wants to start a relationship or be friends with benefits.

No good! Unhealthy!!

Related: Do I Have Abandonment Issues?

#7 – He Thinks About You

He could just be thinking about you a lot and wants to reach out to see how things are going.

This is likely the case if the two of you had a very close friendship that got a little tainted after one of you confessed you had feelings.

It could also happen if the two of you were in a relationship before but broke up.

Basically, this happens if the two of you have a relationship that has changed from what it was before. Maybe you used to be best friends, tried dating, it didn’t work out, and now things just aren’t the same anymore.

If he texts you even though he’s not interested, it’s probably just because he misses the old relationship you had and wants to get a bit of that back one day.

Related: Flirtationship: A Guide For Friends Who Flirt With Each Other

#6 – He Likes the Attention

You know that feeling when you text someone when you’re a little unsure if they’ll text you back – and then they do?

It’s awesome!

It’s that feeling of “Yes! That person still likes me, at least on some level.” It’s a very satisfying and even addictive feeling.

If he is a little insecure or lonely, the feeling he gets when you text him back probably feels amazing – and so he wants to keep feeling it.

This means he’s going to keep texting you even if he’s not interested in anything more.

Related: How To Text Guys: The Rules of Texting In Today’s Modern Dating World

#5 – He Likes To Think Outloud

This one could be the case if he really trusts your opinion.

He might be the type of guy who likes to think a lot and needs another person to bounce ideas off of or get advice.

You can tell he’s doing this if he asks you a lot of questions. Another big sign he’s doing this is if he asks your advice for things relating to other women.

Many men don’t know how to act with women so if you’re his trusted friend that he feels safe around, he’ll want your tips and advice in order to help him score with the other ladies.

If the two of you are friends and you don’t have feelings for him, this kind of relationship is fine.

However, if you do have feelings and wish you were together – it will be unhealthy for you to hear his stories about other women.

If this is the case, it’s best to stop being his dating advice expert. Leave that to professionals like me 😛

Related: How To Let Go Of Someone You Love

#4 – He Needs A Confidence Boost

Some men are really insecure or shy.

If he’s not great with women or if he just has a lot of insecurities, then he might just like the confidence boost that he gets when he talks to you.

This is especially true if you activiely boost his confdience.

So if he texts you things like “I’m nervous about this job interview” and you always say things like “you’ll do great! You’re the best!” then he knows exactly where to go whenever he’s feeling down.

So if you complement him a lot or are his shoulder to cry on then he will continue to text you even if he doesn’t want a relationship.

Related: The No Contact Rule – How To Use It & Why It Works!

#3 – He Likes To Flirt

Is he a flirty guy? Maybe he has a way with the ladies and does this a lot? Some men are just players and they absolutely love chatting with women, even if they don’t want anything out of it.

You can tell if your guy is like this if you notice him doing this outside of the texting.

So if he’s just a very chatty and flirty guy with everyone he meets, he’s likely just a very extroverted person that likes to have a lot of relationships.

He is clearly getting a kick out of just chatting with you so that’s why he’ll keep texting you!

Again, if you don’t like him and have no feelings for him – this is ok, but if you do, it’s best to stop relationships like this or they could have a negative effect on your mental health.

Related: How To Let Go Of Someone You Love

#2 – He’s Testing You

Alright, this one is not so easy to hear so take a deep breath before reading further.

He might be testing you to see how much he can get away with – in order to use you.

This means he’s reaching out to you to see how much you’ll do for him.

Does he ask you to do things for him? Does he want you to help with tasks he should be doing on his own?

He might also be testing how available you are to see if he’s a priority in your life. If he asks you what you’re up to, do you answer with “nothing”?

That’s just showing him that you don’t have your own life to live and are just sitting around waiting for his texts!

Ouch, that’s not a good message to give to any man!

If he asks you to hang out last minute or texts you late at night, he is likely just looking to see how available you are for him.

Make sure that you establish boundaries with these kinds of men. Don’t text them late at night and don’t hangout with them with fewer than a couple of days’ notice.

Related: 18 Warning Signs He Doesn’t Care Enough

#1 – He Changed His Mind

There is a (small) chance that he wasn’t interested in you before – but now he has changed his mind.

If he really did change his mind then he can’t just go ahead and ask you out – that might scare you off. So he has to ease his way into seeing if you might still be interested.

Just take each message one at a time and handle this day by day. If he’s asking you about that new Game of Thrones episode, then just answer his question and be friendly.

If he really likes you, eventually he will ask you out. If you like him back – that’s great! If you are not interested in him romantically, that’s when you’ll just have to let him down nicely.

Don’t ever worry about “leading a guy on” that’s all BS. You’re not leading him on by being friendly and chatting.

Remember – don’t overthink!

Related: 25 Signs A Man Is Attracted To You

Should I keep Talking To A Guy Who Is Stringing Me Along?

The answer to this question is very simple.

Sit down with your hands on your lap and close your eyes. Relax your mind and then ask yourself – does talking to him make me anxious? Does it give me any negative feelings?

If you answered yes, then you should probably stop talking to him.

At the end of the day, you have to look deep inside yourself and listen to your gut, or as feminine energy coaches would call it, your intuition.

Your gut always knows the right answer. It can tell you what you should and should not be doing.

If you tried the exercise above and you still don’t know the answer, you can keep talking to him until your intuition gives you the answer. Your gut always knows the right answer if you give it time.

This is a key aspect of feminine energy and it is very important to tap into this when dating men.

You can learn more about feminine energy and dating high-quality men here.

How Can I Make Him Like Me As More Than A Friend?

You shouldn’t want to make him do anything.

Instead, you want to make yourself the best version of yourself.

You want to hone in on your feminine energy. This is the side of you that’s carefree, flirty, fun and is in no rush to complete any goals.

When you tap into this side of your body and mind, you will feel less stressed, more relaxed, and be more attractive to masculine men.

This is all you need to get him to like you, but if he doesn’t like you after you do this, it won’t matter because you’ll have inner peace and acceptance of who you are, without him.

It really is win/win.

If you’d like to learn more about feminine energy and attracting higher-quality men, check out my free guide.

Why Does My Relationship With Him Make Me Feel Sad?

Because your deeper-self knows that this is not right for you.

Many of my clients are very successful women. They are go-getters who like to get things done and reach their goals. This makes them very successful in their careers, but it hurts them when it comes to men.

With masculine and feminine energy, you can’t force things if they’re not meant to be.

Your feminine intuition knows what it wants and if you’re talking to a man who is not right, this will manfest itself as sadness or anxiety.

If you’re feeling this way when talking to a man, listen to your feminine side and let this man go.

How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality

I hope you found this article helpful. You may have noticed me talk about feminine energy along the way. I strongly believe in the power of feminine energy to attract -higher quality men and to foster healthier relationships.

Learn more about attracting men with feminine energy in my guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”.


Thanks for checking out my article on “Why Is He Texting Me If He’s Not Interested?” . I wish you all the best in your dating life.

Love your favorite dating coach,


Lana Otoya

6 thoughts on “Why Is He Texting Me If He’s Not Interested? 15 Reasons”

  1. A man I met online .Went on a lst coffee date.Had a lovely afternoon out.Since the date he always sends me a hello.Not having a proper conversation.Just random txts of a evening wen he is working.I won’t see him again.Was he trying to play me..I felt he was.

  2. Why is it not leading him on by being friendly and chatting, yet when he does it it’s stringing me along? Seems one-sided.

    None of these apply to my relationship. He always wants to hang out, always wants to text, always flirts and we talk sexually a LOT, but we’re just pals. I asked if he was interested in sleeping together and just being friends but he does not see our relationship like that.

    Honestly this has never happened to me before. I’ve never had a guy be so into me, yet not want to sleep with me. And I have mostly male friends, but they don’t do the heavy-duty flirting that he does. When they do, they become FWB. This one I just don’t get.

  3. Hi! I need some advice about dating a coworker. He and I are against it, but we did it anyway. Ends up, we both like each other a lot but he struggles with it…afraid of being judged and people talking about us. It makes him very anxious. Btw he dated a previous coworker and it didn’t end well. I told him how I feel and that I respect his decision, so why does he continue to text me like we’re in a relationship? As much as I don’t want to reply back…I do! Please help! Any advice would be helpful.

  4. A high quality man asked me out and we have spent 6 weeks having casual dates and getting to know each other. We are both older and mature (both widowed), and without going all the way, it seems like we are a good fit in all four areas of intimacy, including spiritually (although spiritually to different degrees enough that it causes me concern). He has “booked me out” a couple months with progressively nicer dates. My issue is that I don’t think we are meant to be together. We have talked about deep things, probably because we are both used to being in a good marriage. And this makes me feel like we should keep trying. But he isn’t over his spouse’s death to the degree I am. I don’t know how to “break up” with this nice man, especially since he has invested in some pricy tickets.

  5. I got to know a guy who was working from home last year during lockdown via a dating hook up site, not knowing exactly what that was at the time being a older female virgin lol. We seemed to be good texting via Whatsapp every day, and it was fun to have someone else involved. He was keen for another reason too and that took 5 months of pursuading me to meet him which he eventually came to mine and it was nice (wont go into detail but he was very gentle with things as didn’t want to rush me). I knew though then he worked long hours sometimes from 6am until midnight but during lockdown he would be on his own and able to lock up as he was in charge so could do so. No a year later, we text but its every few months and it’s weird as he could be stringing me along as some might say, but he works 90 hours a week and has said he jus has no time and ‘all work and no play’ could this be true? I have asked him if he still interested but nothing. I dont’ ring him as he doesn’t like chatting on the phone as is bit shy, believe it hes quite laid back which is nice as helped me to relax too, being an anxious virgin its hard to trust anyone. He said in March itd be nice to meet up yet theres just nothing and this happened after we met in June last year, no texts at all until he said hello in November and did say sorry. I am baffled as part of me wants to move on yet he was very good at something I have hoped hed want to do more of, but it’s possible he ‘lives to work’. I dont work myself yet so overthink I text him once a week just to ask but I just feel like am wasting my time. I don’t understand why he can’t say yes hes still interested or maybe he just doesn’t know, because of his work and is being polite!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *