Presented by BetterHelp.
Whether they’re just getting started, going hot and heavy, or coming to a close, relationships can be so complicated.
As much as we want them to last indefinitely, some relationships aren’t meant to survive long-term. They run out of steam or something happens to change the perspective of one or both of you. Partnerships may dissolve over time, leaving both parties wondering what to do next.
One of the biggest questions when a relationship nears its end is, “How do I know my ex is over me?”
It’s The End Of The Relationship
Whatever the cause of your breakup, it may be time to part ways. The challenge of any relationship lies not only in knowing when to end relations with each other, but especially in recognizing the signs that it’s over.
Moving on would be so much easier if there was a clear sign, maybe something with big letters saying “THE END.” Unfortunately, there are no giant words, no ping, and no flashing neon lights signaling you that it’s time to move on.
Instead, you have to figure it out on your own.
The clues you’re looking for may already be there. Lots of little things can point to the close of your relationship: missed calls, unanswered texts, solo activities that leave you out. These small acts may indicate that you’re headed in different directions.
The Signs Are There; You Just Have To Look For Them
If you think you’re seeing the signs that your ex is over you, you’re not alone.
Many people observe multiple indications telling them that the relationship is fizzling out or is finished. Sometimes your friends may notice the signs before you see writing on the wall. However, the signs that your ex is over you are often so small that they are easy to miss when they first appear.
So where do you start?
You might need to consider the many facets of your relationship, including:
- Is he emotionally and physically present?
- Has he found a new partner?
- How does he treat you?
Learning how to recognize the signs of rocky relationships from BetterHelp can help you navigate a break up, but you also must look for the signs that confirm your ex is over you.
How To Know Your Ex Is Over You
It hurts to find out the truth, but you can tell when your ex is over you for good. He’s not there for you when you need – or want – him. He may have found a new partner or returned to a former one. Finally, he ignores your feelings completely.
To confirm your suspicions, observe his behavior in three critical areas of your life together: presence, partnership, and performance.
Where is your ex, anyway?
If you’re wondering where he is and what he’s doing, he’s no longer a presence in your life. He has distanced himself from you in an effort to move away and move on.
One of the first things you may notice is that the physical intimacy between the two of you has faded and become non-existent. Those long, delicious moments of being together have disappeared, and now they’re only a memory. He’s not even interested in getting together for a quickie – or a coffee.
Need more confirmation?
Some of the other actions that show he no longer wants you in his life include:
- Ignoring your calls and texts
- Changing his social media status
- Changing his phone number or even his address
- Avoiding the places you both enjoyed together
- Taking his personal items from your place, or asking you to remove yours from his place
- Moving to a new city or state
- Cutting you (and your friends) off – from social media and social events
- Obtaining a restraining order
- Getting his friends to intervene and tell you it’s over
Who’s your ex hanging out with these days?
Your answer to this question can tell you if he’s over you.
Like the women they’re in relationships with, some men find themselves emotionally drained after a relationship ends. Ending a relationship can make anyone feel sad, experience exhaustion and worry about what’s next. These common feelings can affect anyone.
Your ex may need time to mend and recover before moving on. Maybe he’s hanging out with friends while he recovers from the emotional rollercoaster of your breakup. He could be drinking or exercising more as a way to deal with the stress. However, that doesn’t signal that he’s ready to hook up again. He’s trying to compensate for the extra time he has now.
However, some men make a quick rebound and move on – or back – to another partner.
If your ex is with someone else, it’s a sign that the link between you is over. These partnerships are a sure sign that it’s time for you to move on, as well:
- Dating: A one-night stand might be a fling. However, if your ex has been seeing someone for several months, he’s moved on.
- Engagement: This relationship signals the intent to commit, and your ex is removing himself from the market.
- Marriage: Your ex has moved on, and your relationship is a thing of the past.
How does your ex treat you now?
Don’t wait for him to mince words. Actions always speak louder than words. Benjamin Franklin advised that “Words may show a man’s wit, but actions his meaning.” Your ex’s performance – not only what he says but how he says it and what he does next — will tell you a lot about your relationship status.
For example, he may lash out with words like these:
- “It’s over.”
- “Let’s just be friends.”
If you run into each other on the street or at work, what does he do? Walking past you without an acknowledgment, turning away, or changing direction to avoid you is a sure sign that it really is over.
Does he lash out in other ways, such as making threats, clenching his fists or name calling? These too are signs that the relationship cannot be repaired or resumed. Never put your life at risk. You do not have to tolerate emotional, verbal or physical abuse.
- NOTE: If your life is in danger, call 911. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) for 24/7 support.
Need more verification? An ex who doesn’t care about your feelings is proving that the relationship you once had with each over is finished. Some of the more obvious signs of apathy toward you include:
- He changes his dress, mannerisms, hobbies.
- He gaslights you and blames you for the breakup.
- He says you didn’t care about his feelings.
When To Break It Off
Letting go and accepting loss isn’t easy. Sometimes, however, it’s necessary – especially if you’re seeing the signs that he’s no longer interested and has moved on emotionally but not physically.
If your ex is over you, but he hasn’t broken off relations yet, you might have to initiate the separation. It can take courage to face the anxiety you might experience when initiating a separation from someone with whom you had a relationship.
Continuing in a relationship that is over can cause harm. Separation anxiety is a real condition, and it’s something that could follow you into your next relationship. You might worry about finding a new partner or feel anxious when attending social gatherings. Your sleep patterns can change, and you might even have nightmares.
Taking the critical step of ending the relationship when you know your ex is over you can be a positive move to make. There’s no doubt that ending a relationship can take a psychological toll on you, especially when you realize that your ex is over you. You may feel grief, loneliness or even think about yourself negatively.
A dating coach can help you make sense of what you’re feeling.
What If The Relationship Can Be Saved?
Not all relationships can be saved.
Some relationships were great in the moment, but they aren’t meant to be. Others were doomed from the beginning. That doesn’t mean that it’s your fault – or his.
It means that it’s time to let go and move on.
Gathering Your Emotions And Moving On
Even high-value women may doubt their decisions, but usually, your intuition will tell you when your ex is over you.
Whether the signs have been there all along, or you’re just now beginning to connect the dots, your intuition is telling you that the relationship has run its course.
Everyone responds to closure in different ways. Coming to the realization that your ex is over you might feel overwhelming. It might also make you feel free and independent. Which emotions you experience depend on your beliefs, experiences and response mechanisms. There’s no one right way to feel.
However, one thing is for sure: you do not have to go through the experience alone.