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A Step by Step Guide to Get over a Break Up Quickly

Do you want to get over a break-up quickly? I bet you do because going through a break-up is hard.

If you’re trying to get over a break-up right now, my heart goes out to you because it is really difficult. BUT it doesn’t mean that you can’t get through it, you definitely can.

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Controlling Emotions

I strongly believe in the power of our brains to control our emotions.

Our brains and our hearts are a constant battle, working together sometimes and polar opposites other times.

When our hearts are hurting, it’s time for the brain to step in and help put back together the broken pieces. If you follow the steps below, I guarantee that you’ll get over it fast than you think.

Video learners can check watch the video on this topic here:

YouTube video

How To Get Over A Breakup Quickly

Step 1: Begin the no contact rule

Do it right now! Ok ok, you need to get your stuff from his place or you’re still living together – gasp!

But as soon as you can cut off all contact – you should. The faster you do this, the faster you will be on the road to recovery.

Delete his number. Unfollow him or delete him from all social media.

Going through a break up causes us to go through the same seven stages of grief that we go through when a loved one passes away. Right now you are in the denial mode. Things don’t feel real yet so you think you can stand “being friends” or “checking what he’s up to” but you can’t!

You’re about to enter the guilt and pain mode and this is going to hurt real bad if you’re trying to be “friends”.

STEP 2: Allow yourself to enter the crazy mode

The seven stages of grief call this mode “pain” which leads into “anger’ but I call it the crazy mode because this is when you want to, well, act crazy. You want to go out and party, cut your hair really short, have one night stands etc.

Go ahead and get it out of your system. 

Just try to do this in a healthy way that will cause you the least amount of regret.

Alot of the time we have to let ourselves act the way we feel, but we should also prepare for the next stage that our emotions will go through.

Let me make that more clear.

Step 1 is to cut off all contact but this is the very time where we feel like we can handle talking to our ex or stalking him on Facebook.

We are in denial so we don’t feel we need to cut off contact.

“I’m fine really, I don’t mind going to meet up with him for coffee.”

That may be true while you’re in denial. But as soon as you enter the “pain” crazy mode, the fact that you stayed in contact with him will make that mode so. much. harder. 

Do yourself a favour and stay one step ahead of the game so that you can recover faster.

Step 2 is “allow yourself to enter the crazy mode”. So yes, go ahead and have that one night stand but NO don’t sleep with your best guy friend or your boss because that will make the next mode (depression) so much worse.

STEP 3: All Yourself To Enter The Sad Mode

The stages of grief accurately call this mode “Depression”. This is where it all comes at you like a ton of bricks.

If you followed Step 1 and 2 properly, this mode should be a littler easier on you but it still won’t be easy.

You will feel lonely. That’s ok. You will feel like a cloud is hovering over you. That’s ok. You will feel like reaching out to the only person who would understand – your ex. Don’t DO IT! Don’t kill all your progress by reverting back to Step 1.

You can get through this without him.

Don’t push away your feelings and don’t try to cover them up. Let them out in a healthy way. Cry, watch your favourite movies, listen to your favourite songs. This is the hardest part of recovery and it only gets better from here – don’t worry, you’re almost out of the woods.

STEP 4: Reach Out For Support

Reach out to your friends for support. This is the time to talk out your feelings and remember that you do have people who care, you’re not alone. If you feel alone because live away from your friends or family or you’ve been in this relationship so long that you’ve lost touch with your friends, find support in other ways.

There are crisis hotlines, counseling chat groups or even just articles or YouTube videos of people documenting that they are going through the same thing.

No matter how alone you think you are, there are people out there going through this as well. You’re not alone, don’t allow yourself to go through this alone.

STEP 5: Focus On Yourself

You should now be entering the “upward turn” mode of grief. This means that there is now light at the end of the tunnel and you need to put all your efforts into taking care of yourself.

A break up has the power to break you.

You can feel like you’re not quite yourself and that’s becuase you’re not. You’re a new person now but that person is better.

All our struggles and hardships make us stronger in the end.

Now is the time to do you.

Join that new gym. Start that art project you’ve been meaning to start. Being single is one of the greatest freedoms you will ever have – it’s a time in your life to be grateful for.

This is the time that you will use to transform yourself into a better person than you were while you were in that relationship. You are now in full control of your life and this freedom should make you feel totally excited!

Get out there and start building the new, better you!

STEP 6: Seek Closure if You Need It

Ok, I know was harsh in the beginning when I said to cut off all contact. You probably didn’t want to listen to me because you still need “closure”. You still want to just meet up and talk things out.

NOW is the time to do this, not in the beginning or when you’re going through all the other steps. By the time you’ve reached Step 6 you have done a lot of healing.

You are a new better you. You can see through any kind of bull shit lines like ‘I won’t do it again” or “I promise this time will be different”. That stuff doesn’t work on you anymore, you’re better now.

This step is optional and should only be taken if you really feel you need it.

STEP 7: Start Seeing Other People

Don’t lose faith in relationships. You had a bad one, yes but that doesn’t mean they are all bad. If you focused on yourself as per Step 5 you are now a better, happier and stronger person than you were before.

The new you is happier, more confident and more secure. The new you will attract a man that shares these qualities as well.

The new you is also more experienced in what you don’t want. The things that weren’t working in that old relationship will not be happening in this new relationship because you can spot those things right away and stop them in their tracks.

You won’t date a guy who doesn’t have a job like your last boyfriend. You won’t date a guy who is controlling like your last boyfriend because you know what that looks like now.

You can do this.

Are you going through a breakup or a tough time? These posts might be helpful:

Why haven’t you followed me on Pinterest?  Thank you. You are nice 🙂

Lana Otoya

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