Why You Deserve a Better Relationship

why you deserve a better relationship
Lana Otoya

It can be months or even years before we realize we got ourselves stuck in an unhealthy relationship.

Even when we know we’re not happy, we feel trapped for many reasons including financial ties, feeling like a failure, or fear of breaking up the family. I can relate to this feeling in a big way and so I decided to give you a few reasons why it’s worth it to let go of an unhealthy situation and find a better relationship.

why you deserve a better relationship


Video learners can watch this video, the rest of you keep reading!

You’re GIVING TOO MUCH

Relationships are give and take.

Pause.

Let that sink in.

You absolutely must be getting as much out of your relationship as you put in. Always being the one bending over backwards, compromising and trying to change is exhausting.  If you keep giving away pieces of yourself, only to get nothing in return, you will run out of pieces to give.

The good news is that you got yourself in this situation because you are compassionate. You care about others and you care about this relationship. This is how you got here but it’s not a bad thing.

Take that compassion to someone who can give it back to you.

Take that giving nature to somone who can make you happy in return.

You’re BEING TOO HARD ON YOURSELF

“I should have been more understanding “, “I shouldn’t have gotten upset”.

If it seems like you’re always doing the wrong thing, maybe you’re not in a safe environment where you can be yourself.

Remember, he needs to fully accept who you are in order for this to be a healthy relationship.

If you make a big deal about something stupid once in a while, that’s human. But if it seems like you can never do anything right – something just insn’t lining up. 

I am someone who likes to take control of my situation to try and make things better. When I was in an unhealthy relationship, I was always trying to think of ways that I could change my behaviour or ways that I could improve.

It’s healthy to try and better yourself in order to make things work but if you’re doing everything you can and it’s just not making things better, you’re being too hard on yourself.

You can’t control everything.

You can’t control him.

He is 50% of this relationship and if he isn’t making the effort, it’s not your fault if it didn’t work out.

Your kids need you to fight for you

Full disclosure: I don’t have children and have never been married but one thing I know for sure is that you can’t be 100% there for your kids if you aren’t happy.

Staying together for the kids is the biggest reason why people try to force something to work when it just doesn’t.

Kids are very observant.

They can absolutely see if you are hurting and they want you to be happy. As long as there is love in the home and they feel supported, they will be ok.

They will not be ok if you are depressed or if you are struggling to maintain your mental health because of a bad relationship.

You deserve better, and so do they.

It’s an old saying but it applies here: “you can’t pour anything out of your glass if it’s empty”.

You’re crying too often

It’s one thing to let out a good cry while watching your fave Rom Com or because you had a bad day at work. It’s a completely different thing if you are always crying because of your partner.

Your partner should make you happy. This is relationships 101. If you are always crying about something he did, this is your body’s way of telling you to get out.

Your body knows that being treated this way is not right. Your brain might be constantly forcing you into this situation but your body doesn’t lie.

If you are crying and breaking down on a regular basis, you are not living your life for you. You living your life for your friends, or your family or your partner or your wallet.

Take back your life.

YOUR LIFE IS YOURS

Life is short.

You already spend most of your life doing things for other people. You work for someone else to make money.

You went to that Mexican place you don’t like because your bestie wanted to try it.

You sat through Frozen for the 24th time because your daughter loves it.

And on top of all that, you’re giving up your happiness and personal needs to make your partner happy? Your life is short and you are in the driver’s seat.

Anything that may be holding you back from leaving an unhealthy relationship is not worth your life is it?

There are things to overcome but you can do it. You will figure it out. 

Give yourself the gift of your own life.

 

Are you having troubles in your relationship? Here are some posts you might find interesting:


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2 thoughts on “Why You Deserve a Better Relationship”

  1. Great post, Lana! I especially agree with “Crying too much” point. It is one of the most obvious and yet ignored ways that something’s wrong. Us, women, often think we’re too emotional and cry for “nothing” so we’re used to ignoring our tears (’cause that’s what we’re taught to do). However, they always tell us what our true self, our soul, feels – pain. As you said – life is short!

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