Have the two of you been dating forever and your boyfriend still hasn’t proposed? This can be such a frustrating topic because talking about it too much can make you seem super needy and desparate but not talking about it enough can have you wasting years of your life.
Before we dive into this, I want to make it clear that these reasons are for couples that have been dating for at least 3 years and are over the age of 25. If it hasn’t been 3 years and if you are still in your early twenties, what’s the rush?!
Slow down, it will happen soon enough.
Now if you are not in the above camp and you’re wondering why he hasn’t whipped out the tiny little box of life changing commitment. Continue on…
5 REASONS WHY YOUR BOYFRIEND HASN’T PROPOSED
#1 – DID HE tell yOU HE doESN’t Believe IN MARRIAGE?
Come on now, think real hard.
Did he say something like “Why get married when common law is the exact same thing?”
Or was it even more obvious like “I could see myself never getting married.”
Did you just ignore these statements or brush them off as if they weren’t giant red flags that he might never propose?
Now I’m going to make a confession here. My current boyfriend has said that he doesn’t see why getting married is any different than common law and I’m still dating him and we’re not engaged.
First things first, we haven’t been dating for 3 years yet so the pressure is not on. I have no interest in taking it to that level just yet but I did make it very clear to him that I absoultely do want to get married eventually. I also made it clear that I don’t believe it’s the same thing as common law at all.
I told him that if he wanted to be with me long-term, he would absolutely need to “make it official”. He agreed that he could see himself doing this in the long-term but it’s still too early to decide.
I agreed and we continued eating our brunch.
I find that a lot of guys are a little skiddish about the marriage thing and so they either brush off the topic or ignore it all together. I don’t think this is a sign that he is not into it at all, it could just be that it’s too early on to be having these conversations, and that’s fine. The best way to bring these topics up if it’s still early is if you say stuff like “down the road” or “eventually”.
Adding a sense of pressure to the conversation just makes you look desperate. Don’t do that.
It only starts to be a serious issue if the 3 year mark hits and he still says he doesn’t have an interest in getting married. If this is the case then you shouldn’t be too surprised because well… he’s been telling you this for years.
Hopefully you guys have a really loving and passionate connection and you can drop some subtle hints and bring up casually that you still picture yourself getting married in the future. Whatever you do, don’t force him into anything, that will backfire for sure.
#2 – he’s not financially stable
“Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a California psychotherapist, explains, “Men do have a biological clock, but their timing is different from women. Most men’s priorities tend to be focused on winning financial security before having a family. If he’s still struggling to pay his bills, he’s not going to want to add the burden of supporting a wife.” – Today
…or the financial burden of a wedding. Most guys are thinking about money first because they know that a wife likely means settling down and supporting a family. In a perfect world, they don’t want to be fighting to advance their career while also worrying about planning a wedding.
If you see your boyfriend working hard to save money or advance his career, it could be that he wants to settle down but just wants to get this out of the way first.
Talk to him about his financial goals and what his career plans are to see where getting married fits within this plan.
#3 – he’s too comfortable
If you’re living together and you share all the married couple duties there will be no reason for him propose because he aleady has it all.
“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
If you’re doing his laundry and cooking dinner and splitting bills – really, what’s the difference between this and getting married?
If you guys still have milestones that you both want to hit, like buying a house together or having kids. I would suggest pumping the brakes on those things and mention that you only want to go ahead with those things if you’re married.
If you guys already have kids or if you both own your home or your car he is definitely way too comfortable to propose. His life will literally not change at all if he proposes and he’ll be paying for a big wedding that he doesn’t really want.
If this is the case and you still want to be married, definitely have a chat with him about it and mention that since you guys are already practically married, what’s the difference… in making it official?
#4 – mental health issues
I wanted to throw this one in as a way to make you realize that not everything is about you. I know it’s harsh! I’m sorry.
But sometimes we need a reminder that we are in a relationship with a totally separate, living breathing human being and he has needs too.
It’s a good reminder to check in with our partner, espcially men because they have so much trouble expressing their feelings and their hardships. If you notice that maybe he’s been going through a rough time or is feeling lost in his life, marriage and settling down are probably the last things on his mind.
You are probably the last thing on his mind.
Having a solid check in about overally happiness and mental health is such a good thing to do and it really shows that you care about him and his needs.
#5 – it might not be in the cards
If none of these are ringing true or you’ve already had a number of converstaions about it and it never happens, there might be something else going on that you can never change.
If you guys have been together for 3 years, you already know everything about each other. You’ve shared many memories, you know how the other one fights, you’ve met his friends and family. What else is there to know? What else is there to learn about each other?
If he still “isn’t ready” or is “unsure” then maybe he’s questioning the relationship and maybe you should be as well.
Is this something you really want to do with him or is it just something you really want?
If you’re just trying to force something that wasn’t meant to be, think about how that’s going to effect you later in life.
Maybe the fact that your boyfriend hasn’t proposed is the best thing that ever happened to you.
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