Knowing whether your boyfriend loves you or if he’s the cause of your pain and emptiness can be hard to determine. When we’re in a happy relationship, it can feel “boring” and when we’re in an unhealthy relationship it can feel like “we’re just going through a hard time”.
Be An Outsider
The best way to try and figure out what is going on in your situation is by trying your best to step outside the relationship and look in as if you were an outsider.
Look at the list below and if your guy is doing most of these things, he really loves you!
He Wants To Hang Out With You
People enjoy spending time with other people that they love. Not because they have to or because the other person asked, but because it’s fun for them. If he is happy with the relationship and in love with you, he’ll want to go on dates and he’ll want to cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix.
When you live with your partner, it can be hard to spend quality time together because our lives get in the way, this is normal. It’s not the amount of time that we spend together that matters as much as the quality of that time.
A study outlined by renowned relationship expert John Gottman pointed out that devoting just 6 hours of quality time per week made huge improvements on a couple’s relationship.
You’d think the successful couples would have made a dramatic overhaul in their marriage. This is not what we discovered.To our surprise, they were only devoting an extra six hours per week to their relationship.
How these couples split up these six hours depended on their focus and areas of improvement, but we did notice some clear patterns. – John Gottman
As long as he enjoys spending time with you and responds positively when you ask him to go on a date or hang out, he’s in love.
He Values Your Opinion
Does he ask you what you think about a problem he’s having at work?
Did he tell you something he heard on the news and wants to hear what you think?
If he checks in on you about what you think about his life, it means he values your opinion and that he values you.
This also applies if you voluntarily offer your opinion without being asked. If you say: “Babe, I don’t think you should start looking for new jobs this year”.
And he says “Aw really? Why?” or “What makes you say that?” This is a sign that your boyfriend loves you.
It means he would like you to clarify your opinion so that he can think about it or the two of you can discuss it.
Immediately dismissing or disregarding your opinions is not how a loving boyfriend/husband will treat his partner.
He Includes You In His Future
If your boyfriend is in love with you (and you’ve been dating for at least a year) he will start to incorporate you into his future.
If he uses the term “we” when talking about his future, this is a sure sign that he is in love with you.
Things like “when we have kids” or “when we get married” are really obvious ones but he could be saying less obvious things that mean the same thing.
For example, if he says “next year when we go on vacation”, it means that he has plans to do something with you a whole year from now. He’s not wondering if you two will still be together because he knows you will be.
Even if you guys are already married and have kids, you still have a future and you should still be part of it.
If you have been with your partner for a long time, many years, he should be even more open about the future and how you are included in it.
Do his retirement plans consider you and the kids? Is his dream home that he’s been wanting for years something that you also want? A loving partner will check in with you about these important life changing decisions and make sure you’re both on the same page.
It also doesn’t hurt to check in with him and see if he responds positively. Checking in often is good because if you notice that you guys start heading in separate directions, it can be easier to get on the same path again if your last check in was 6 months ago rather than 6 years ago.
If you plan to be with your partner for the long haul, communicating about what you want and need beyond the next trip to the market or to Disneyland is something you need to do. One benefit of this process is that when something in life changes the way you live, you can get back on track much more easily. – Barton Goldsmith Ph.D
I mentioned this as one of the “Five Dating Standards that Actually Matter” and it stills rings true even when you’ve been together for a while.
Him listening to you is a way for him to make sure that he is meeting your needs. For example, I love getting flowers and chocolate on Valentines’ day just like any basic girl out there. My boyfriend thinks these kinds of holidays are overrated and would probably LOVE IT if I didn’t want a gift for Valentine’s Day.
When Valentine’s Day is approaching, I am sure to communicate my needs to him. I don’t say “you don’t have to get me anything” in hopes that he secretly will.
No, I am blunt and clear and I say “If you don’t get me at least something small on Valentine’s Day, i’m going to be sad”.
And lo and behold, I get a little present and some flowers every year. This is a very basic example of my boyfriend listening to my needs and doing his best to try and meet those needs.
Boyfriends/Husbands who love their partners want to make them happy so they listen in order to make that happen.
He Does Things For You
If he is doing things for you on a regular basis, it is a sure sign that your boyfriend loves you. We do things for those we love because we want to make them happy.
Now this doesn’t mean he does these big giant gestures of love. He doesn’t need to take you out on a picnic with fine wine and the blanket lined with rose petals.
It could be as simple as picking up the groceries when it was your turn. Bringing home your favourite snack from the store. Grabbing you an Advil and a glass of water when you wake up with a headache.
Real love is not about the big romantic gesture, it is about the little things we do for each other each day.
He Shows You Affection
Even if you’re having regular sex, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is healthy. A better way to know if he truly loves you is if he wants to show you affection in ways other than sex. Sex is such a primal urge for humans that it’s difficult for us to live with out it, but we can easily live with out cuddles or hugs if we’re not in love with our partner.
A quote from the Science of Relationships brings up an interesting point:
With the exception of caressing/stroking and holding hands, each of the other types of physical affection (i.e., cuddling/holding, hugging, kissing on the lips, and kissing on the face) were associated with greater relationship satisfaction. – ScienceOf Relationships.com
The more we are satisfied in our relationship, the more likely we are to kiss, hug, cuddle etc.
If your boyfriend/husband goes out of his way to be close to you and show you physical affection outside of the bedroom, it’s a sure sign that he loves you.
Your Sadness Makes Him Sad
When we really love someone, we don’t want them to be sad or hurting. One of the best ways to see what “love” is, is by thinking about the bond between a parent and child. If the child is sick or hurt, the parent would rather be sick or hurting themselves before they see that happening to their child.
This kind of self-less love should be present in romantic relationships as well.
If your boyfriend is yelling at you, or even just saying things that make you upset and you start crying. This should absolutely make him stop in his tracks and pay attention to your feelings.
If you had a disappointing day at work and you come home feeling down and upset. He will start asking you questions about why you feel this way and how he can help.
Humans are not mind readers so it is important to make sure you’re communicating your feelings in a healthy way so that he can know how you feel. If you were upset that he didn’t get you a Valentines’ Day gift (see example above) but it’s because you never told him you wanted one, this is not his fault, it’s yours.
But then when you tell him that you’re sad because you didn’t get the gift, he should understand your feelings and hopefully, listen to that need so it doesn’t happen again.
A boyfriend who loves you will never get pleasure or joy out of seeing you upset. He will do anything he can to avoid it because if you’re hurting, it hurts him too.
I hope you found this article helpful but it does you know good if you’re not attracting High-Quality Men.
Find out what High-Quality men look for in a woman, check out my Free Guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”. It’s free!
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