Latest posts by Lana Otoya (see all)
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“Hey man, check out that average looking chick over there! She’s got such a normal body type with such a cute messy bun and oversized hoodie…”
Said no guy ever…
My second job is as a matchmaker where I deal with mostly male clients and I hear it all the time.
“What are you looking for in a potential partner?”
“I want her to be attractive.”
Everyone wants to be attracted to their significant other. So if men are just looking for hot women – how can you, an average looking woman, find a boyfriend?
Well have no fear!
Because having dealt with over 100 clients, I have got more than just a little perspective on exactly how important attractiveness is on the dating scene for women. Here are my tips on how to find a boyfriend as an average looking woman.
How To Find A Boyfriend As An Average Looking Woman
First, the unfortunate hard truth.
Women and men both have their stereotypes.
Men (on average) are looking for a woman who is “attractive”.
Women (on average) are looking for men with stable jobs, usually making more money than them.
This is the cold hard truth of the dating world, but don’t click away now! There is a lot to be learned here about how you can use this knowledge in your power.
The Online Dating Scene is Different Than Real Life
“Attractiveness” is so much more than just how a person looks. It is how they talk, smile and laugh. It is body language, topic of conversation, general attitude and overall “being”.
As an average looking woman, you can totally up your attractiveness level just by showing off the best parts of your personality. You do this by being friendly and smiling or just keeping a positive and uplifting attitude.
But this stops dead in its tracks when you’re online dating…
…Or does it?
Photos, photos, photos!
When you are dating online, even if you’re average looking your photos will make a huge difference.
I consider myself average looking and here is a photo of me that I could put up on my dating sites:
Not very flattering.. The wind was hitting me in the wrong direction OK!
Or I could put up this one:
Now don’t get me wrong! I know I’m not looking like Beyonce in this photo. There’s probably even way nicer photos than this one of me, but I chose it specifically because it shows me on a boat in Cabo San Lucas.
When you’re dating online, your photos tell a story.
Not only do they show what you look like, they paint a picture of what life is going to be like if a man enters a relationship with you.
If a man were to see this photo and has an interest in travelling/adventure, the fact that I am on a boat in Cabo will make me more attractive to him.
Your facial expressions will also play a big part in how “attractive” your photos are. Are you smiling and having fun in your photos? This gives off the idea that you’re carefree and have a sense of humour.
Are your photos serious faced bathroom selfies? This shows that you might be a little arrogant and maybe that you have no friends? Seriously the bathroom selfies are just no… take them down now if you have them.
Showing off what makes you unique and different is going to make your “average” looking self look way more attractive.
Remember, we’re not trying to attract all men when we’re dating – we just need one.
No, not all men are pigs
At the beginning of this article, I made it seem like all men are looking for this hot babe and you might feel like you have no chance.
But this “attractiveness” thing really is on a scale.
Most (most) men are aware of their overall attractiveness level. This means that when they are looking for an “attractive” woman, they are looking for someone roughly within their league or a little above their league.
Usually men want to date “up” a few levels on the attractiveness scale, just like women want to date “up” on the pay scale.
So what does this mean for you?
Girl, you have tons of options!
Most of us are playing the game of life on the “average” scale – that’s why it is average!
As an average looking woman, you’ve got a huge pool of men lining up to date you. You are average, the norm. The regular woman that they want to take home to mom.
If you want to increase your chances of finding someone and appealing to more men then sure, you can try working out more or getting your hair done or learning how to put on makeup better.
But all of this is up to you, and if you don’t do this – there are many men who are still going to think you’re attractive.
Those of you familiar with my self care work know that I am big on helping people overcome overthinking and Rumination. The key to doing this is to focus on things you can control.
Keeping that focus is not only helpful for overthinking, it is HUGE for when you’re dating. You need to ask yourself:
Can I control it?
You can’t control your height or your facial structure.
You can control your exercise routine, your fashion sense and your attitude.
I am not saying you should change who you are just to become more attractive to the opposite sex.
All I’m saying is that attraction does play a huge role on the dating scene and if you want to be successful in it then you can focus on all the parts of your personality that make you attractive.
You can increase your attractiveness where you feel it is necessary.
Are men shallow?
And so are women.
We are all shallow to a certain extent.
I have had female clients say they don’t like a man because he’s BBQing in the backyard.
I have had male clients tell me they don’t like a woman because she didn’t include a body shot in her profile.
I have had men have an EYE COLOR PREFERENCE….
I have had women want to go no more than 5 miles from their location for a man.
We are all a little bit shallow, but that is just the game we’re playing when we’re dating.
In a perfect world all men would realize that looks don’t matter that much at the end of the day.
But until then, you’ll just have to get some better photos, take up some new hobbies and maybe re-do the wardrobe.
Whatever it is you feel like you need to do to feel more attractive and bring the confident attitude along with that.
Do that and you’ll have a high quality, amazing boyfriend who loves you.
The benefits of being average
Ok I know this is going to sound like a huge “eye-roll” cry me a river kind of thing but… being hot has downsides too.
Don’t take it from me, I definitely don’t fit in that category, but I have both clients and friends who are very attractive and they have their challenges too.
Some of my clients who are extremely attractive get approached only by very confident, “alpha” male type guys. These guys have no fear in walking up or messaging an attractive girl, but do they make the best husbands?
Ironically enough, the average looking, “nice guy” is going to make a way better husband and stable partner than a super confident player guy that can just walk to up to any woman.
As an average looking woman, you are like a magnet to the emotionally stable nice guy. So be sure to appreciate his awkward message or shy “hello” when he comes around!
If you want to learn more about my dating strategies, you can click here.
At the end of the day, I’m not a fan of sugar coating.
If you’re average looking you will have a smaller pool of options than if you were super hot.
But guess what? That small pool is still millions of people.
Attractiveness does matter but your “attractiveness” level is more than just looks.
It’s about your entire packaged personality. This includes your hobbies, interests, career, income level, sense of humour, intelligence level education, skills, attitude etc. etc.
If you want to increase your attractiveness, you can focus on a lot of other things before worrying about how you look.
Remember, if you can’t control it – don’t worry about it.
Click on this link to learn more about my dating philosophies.