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The Only Tip You Need To Know To Get Him To Marry You

So you’ve been dating your boyfriend for a while and you’re thinking… “I could really marry this guy.” You’re pretty sure that he is thinking the same thing, but you may have doubts. So what can you do to get him to marry you? The answer is below.

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Don’t Jump The Gun

I recently wrote a post on reasons why he hasn’t proposed but none of those explained what you can do about it.

That’s what today is for.

Drum roll please…

…Don’t act married if you’re not married. 

This means that living together should be the last “milestone” that you’re willing to hit with your man before he has put a ring on it.

So having sex is fine, meeting the parents is fine, living together is fine, but merging bank accounts is NOT FINE.

I currently own a one-bedroom apartment, and both my boyfriend and I live in it together. He pays me rent but at the end of the day, I still own the property if things go sour.

One day he asked me if I would be “cool” with him buying into the property with me. Matching my down payment so that we would technically both own it.

In my head I thought: wow, he’s really serious about us *swoon*.

But the answer to his question was a straight-up HELL NO.

Ok, I wasn’t that mean, but I did say “that sounds like a great idea honeykins, but we should probably be married first. That’s a pretty big commitment”. Holding off on letting him make too much commitment before getting married is what I call “using leverage”.

Using Leverage

A good way to look at leverage is to imagine you’re selling a car. Sure, he can take it for a little test drive with you in the vehicle, but you’re not giving him the keys until you see payment.

With my current boyfriend, I have to use the tiny bit of leverage that I still have or he’ll never propose. 

I mentioned that we live in a one-bedroom apartment and I will not even move with him to a bigger place without getting married first.

If he wants to move to a larger place (maybe so we can start a family?) he needs to put a ring on it.

No ring? Then fine, we can just live in this one-bedroom apartment for the rest of our lives until we drive each other crazy.

When Do Guys Know They Want To Marry You?

It’s simple… Men know they want to marry you when they want to make more commitments than you’re willing to give without marriage.

If they want a house but you won’t buy one unless you’re married, now he doesn’t want a house, he wants marriage.

If he wants a child but you don’t want that unless you’re married, then he wants to get married. If he decides he doesn’t want the house, or the kid because he doesn’t want marriage – then are you really on the same page?

How To Get Him to Commit To Marriage

I like to use the word “commitment” whenever he brings up big life-changing decisions.

For example, I know he wants to move away from the city and buy a house. Whenever he mentions this I always say “yeah I’m into that, but it’s a pretty big commitment”.

What I mean by that is, it’s a big commitment for me to do that for you without a ring. 

Why should I uproot my entire life without any commitment from your side? This is supposed to be a two-way street.

This goes for any kind of major commitment: sharing bank accounts, owning houses, owning cars, owning pets together, having kids etc.

Some of those things are arguably bigger commitments than actually getting married.

The one thing to remember is never to be too pushy about getting married. Remember, if you have a good thing with him and you’re seeing Realistic Signs You’re In a Happy Relationship, then you don’t want to ruin that. So you’re never saying things like “when are we getting married?” Or “when are you going to propose.” Instead you just bring it up when discussing other life steps.

Like if he says he wants a dog, you just say “that would be a great idea, but I’d like to be married before that.”

Then you’re not pushing marriage, you’re just laying down your boundaries and staying in tune with your feminine energy so you can attract the masculine man.

What Makes a Man Want To Get Married?

Let’s put it this way, men who want to be husbands turn into husbands.

If your guy has the same long-term plans as you do and not getting married is getting in the way of those plans – he will propose. 

Men who want to be husbands become husbands…if the alternative means that they don’t get the white picket fence, the big house, and the golden retriever.

If you give him all those things before he’s your husband and then he says “we’re pretty much married already so what’s the difference?”

He’s right. 

There is no difference.

That’s why you can’t give too much without being married beforehand.

But What if I Already Gave Too Much?

It’s going to be tough out there girl.

If you’re looking over at your man petting the golden retriever and thinking “omg I fucked up” you’re probably right, but all hope is not lost.

First start the talk by mentioning that you’d still like to get married and asking him how he feels about that.

Find out what’s holding him back. Is it an expensive wedding? Maybe there’s a compromise there. Is it that he doesn’t like wearing a tuxedo? Maybe there’s a compromise there.

Hopefully, you can get on the same page about what the wedding and honeymoon will look like.

There is still leverage

Lives change. Change is inevitable and there is always a bit of leverage that you can still use. 

Say that you’d like to be married first before you have another child. Or that you want to get married before you move into the retirement home. It’s never too late to get what you want!

The key is that the life change has to be something that he wants. If you’re the one pushing for the second kid and he’s on the fence, this isn’t going to work.

If you guys are a happy healthy couple, he’s going to want to move forward in life with you by his side.

This isn’t manipulative behavior, I’m SO AGAINST THAT.

But if you’ve given him years of happiness and put in years of effort to build a life with him, I think you deserve this – it’s the least he can do.

If you need a little help with this, here is The Feminist Guide to Letting Your Boyfriend Make the Important Decisions

Does He Want To Marry Me?

If your man is happy with his current life and doesn’t want to make any steps forward, there is a chance he may never propose. Let’s say you live in a house, you have a dog and a child – what’s the point of getting married for him?

What would it change?

Nothing really…

Men want to marry women when there is still more on the horizon. When they still see additional steps that they want to take. And trust me – many men will try to take as many steps forward without getting married! So as a woman, it’s up to you to use your feminine energy and hold your boundaries so that you receive the commitment that you need from your man.

What Do Guys Look For in a Woman They Want to Marry?

Men want a woman that is interested in the same long-term life plans as them. You have to be on the same page as him in the following areas.

-Wanting kids or not
-Living in the same city
-Living the same lifestyle (ie. rural life or city life)
-Having the same overall values (ie. yes or no to drugs, drinking, kinky sex etc)

I Want To Marry My Boyfriend – What Can I Do?

Don’t commit to any major life milestones without marriage. This includes buying a house together, buying a car together, getting a pet, having children, moving away to a new town etc.

How Long Does It Take A Man To Know He Wants To Marry You?

There is no definitive answer for this but as a matchmaker and dating coach, I have seen there is a general rule… If the man started dating you at younger than 29, it will take him 4 years. If he was older than 29, it will take him 2 years.

Why Hasn’t My Boyfriend Proposed?

Here is a great article with Five Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Hasn’t Proposed

Learn More About Using Feminine Energy To Attract Better Men

I hope you found this article helpful. Throughout this article you might have seen me reference “feminine energy” and that is because you can use feminine energy to attract higher-quality men and reach inner feminine strength.

Learn more about attracting men with feminine energy in my guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”.

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Lana Otoya

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