Latest posts by Lana Otoya (see all)
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Are you single and wondering how to be more confident? Is your “soul mate” really out there?
I know I hate the term also but I use it in a very realistic way. By soul mate I just mean, that person for you.
The man that laughs at your jokes. Makes you feel better when you’re stressed, and does the dishes even though it was your turn.
If you want to know how to be confident enough to get that guy, keep reading.
How To be Confident Enough To Attract Your Soul Mate
As a matchmaker and dating coach, there are many struggles my clients have in common, but one of them tops the list and that is lack of self confidence.
Feeling like you’re too shy or lacking the confidence to attract the kind of quality partner you dream of.
As an introvert myself, I have often found it difficult to put myself out there and make a connection with someone right off the bat.
And that’s exactly what dating requires you to do!
You have to be on your A game, pretty much instantly and it’s not always easy.
But don’t worry, with a few little tips you can learn to make dating just a little bit easier.
Here are some tips for how you can expand your confidence and attract a higher quality partner.
1. Learn To Small Talk
Small talk can be a huge chore for some people. It’s boring, mundane and you can only answer “what do you do for fun?” so many times before you want to just give up on dating and get a dog.
One way to get better at this is to simply embrace a change in perspective.
Small talk is a stepping stone. It’s not fun by itself, but it’s a step you need to take in order to get to the fun.
The three steps to human connection are as follows:
- Small Talk
- Personal Revelation
You can’t get to steps two and three (aka the fun stuff) without first starting with the boring stuff.
So how can you make the small talk flow more smoothly?
You don’t actually have to come up with amazing things to say in order to be good at small talk. All you have to do is get the other person to feel comfortable talking.
One way you can do this is by showing enthusiasm for what they talk about.
So even if they start talking about something that you have no interest in, just show that you are interested and you care about the topic. You don’t want to exaggerate or be fake, but if they care about the topic, the least you can do is let them talk a little bit about it.
Once they are on a roll, it’s a lot easier to think of questions or ideas to steer the conversation based on things they are talking about.
So in a nutshell, the longer they talk, the more time you have to think about where you want to steer the conversation or just sit back and actually listen to what they’re saying.
If you want more tips on how to be a pro small talker, you can check out my article about that here.
2. Kill the Inner Voice
Have you ever met someone that is super extroverted and outgoing that they seem to just be able to talk and talk without once thinking about if anyone is even still listening?
I have a friend who will just go on and on about herself with little to no self awareness that everyone else checked out of the conversation a long time ago.
Do you know why she is able to do this?
She has no inner voice second guessing herself.
No inner voice doubting whether or not anyone is still interested. No inner voice thinking that maybe that story is not funny or it’s been going on too long.
If you are lacking the confidence you need to put yourself out there, it’s probably because your inner voice is louder than your actual voice.
One way that you can calm this voice down is by reminding yourself not to judge others.
If you are always criticizing or judging other people in your head, you probably think that they are thinking the same way about you.
You are too self aware.
You are creating a reality in your head that nobody else is thinking other than yourself.
If you stop judging other people and start being more forgiving of their flaws, you will find that it’s actually a lot easier to put yourself out there.
You will know how to be more confident because if you are able to accept and appreciate others for their shortcomings, maybe other people will be able to accept you and your flaws as well.
Like that friend I was mentioning earlier who just talks and talks. Sure, we all think it’s a little annoying and sometimes we poke fun. But at the end of the day we still love that friend and appreciate her. We accept her for who she is instead of judging her.
When you accept others, it’s a lot easier to be yourself. Because the only one really judging you, was you.
3. Start Being A Photo Person
If you want to know how to be more confident in the dating world, I can almost bet money that you are not really a photo person. You don’t like taking photos or being in front of the camera, so your dating profile photos…suck.
Take it from someone who has worked professionally in the online dating game for a while now… your photos really matter.
They matter more than your personality.
They matter more than how great of a girlfriend you actually are.
Because without some nice photos, you’re never getting your foot in the door with your soul mate.
So next time you are out and about in a fun spot, take some time to get a few good shots of yourself.
If you want some help on dating profiles and photos you can check out this article here.
4. You Can’t Say The Wrong Thing To The Right Person
When you’re dating, you’re really just trying to find someone that meshes and molds with your personality.
At the end of the day, that’s what finding a “soul mate” is all about. It’s finding that person for you. Knowing how to be confident is really just about being comfortable in your own skin.
Even though there are some obvious do’s and don’ts for what you should do or say on the first date, at the end of the day, you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.
If the guy you are talking to things you are attractive and likes your personality, there is no reason to doubt yourself. Your awkward stories will be cute to him. Fumbling your words will make him think you are unique. Your blushing face when you laugh will make him swoon.
Knowing that you can’t mess it up with “your guy” should help bring out your true self. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and drop any acts just to impress him.
5. Practice Makes Perfect – Go On More Dates
So many of my clients think that they are dating when they are sitting on the couch swiping.
Sorry guys, but that is not actually dating.
The dating apps and sites that you use to find someone are simply a tool. If you are not going on actual dates then you’re not really dating.
Many of my clients get hung up on the criteria that people have on their profiles. They want someone that is at least 5’11, they don’t want someone with a fish in their profile, they want a guy who works in health care, the list goes on and on.
Instead of playing couch judge, why not get out and go and meet someone in person?
When you meet someone in person, not only do you get a feel for their actual personality but you also get a chance to practice your conversation and dating skills.
So even if he doesn’t end up being the one for you, at least you practiced a bit of small talk and tried out that new outfit so that you’re ready for when the right one comes along. At the end of the day, learning how to be confident just takes practice.
Want a more personalized approach to learn how to be confident and use dating sites in the most effective way possible? Then you might be interested in signing up for a FREE coaching session. We’ll chat about what is holding you back from finding a romantic partner.