It’s hard to know if someone is flirting with you. Studies actually show that humans are bad at spotting flirting signals, often confusing them for a friendly conversation. So how can you tell the difference?
What Does Flirting Look Like?
There are a few key things to keep in mind when you’re trying to figure out if a man likes you or if he’s just being nice. The biggest thing is that flirting actually does look much different than casual conversation.
Men know that they can come off as flirty if they are being too nice, so many men will purposely try to tone down how “nice” they are being if they are not trying to flirt.
So what does that mean? Well, if he always sticks straight to the point, doesn’t smile much, and cuts conversations short – he’s probably not into you.
Now some men are naturally chatty and will continue the conversation, but if he’s not trying to flirt with you – he will keep his physical distance.
He will never lean over your desk to point to something at your computer. Or position himself behind you. Those are more “threatening” stances to take and a man who is not flirting will never do that. He will always stay right in front of you and a good distance away.
Now that we not what flirting doesn’t look like, let’s move on to the tips on how to tell if a man likes you.
#1 – He Makes Excuses To Talk To You
The only way that flirting can take place is during a conversation. So for a guy to start showing you that he likes you more than a friend, he needs to get you into a conversation first.
He will go out of his way to do this. ‘Aint nobody got time for luck when you’re into a lovely and sexy lady. He will find a way to make it happen.
So if he comes over to your desk to ask mundane questions, he’s probably super into you! This is even more true if he goes out of his way to keep the conversation flowing. It means that he’s enjoying your company and wants to establish a connection.
Pay Attention To The Frequency Of His Chats
The key here is frequency. If he came over to your desk to ask you if you had the report ready yet, and then never shows up at your desk again all week – he’s probably not that into you! But if you notice that he keeps coming over, keeps trying to start conversations, and then continues with the flirty small talk, that is a clear sign that he’s got feelings for you.
#2 – He Smiles At You
Enthusiasm Is A Key Way To Connect
In my post on small talk, I mentioned that enthusiasm is one of the key ways to connect.
It lets the other person know that you approve of them and that you are not judging them. One of the easiest ways to show enthusiasm is by smiling so if he’s doing this a lot, he’s trying to get your attention.
The Mating Game: A Primer on Love, Sex, and Marriage elaborates on this by saying:
If you are into him as well, be sure to use your feminine energy skills to subtly let him know that you are also interested.
You can do this by smiling back at him, laughing at his jokes, keeping the conversation going and just being patient until he asks you on a date. No need to ask him first, we’re looking for high-quality men who are able to ask a woman out on a date without help!
#3 – He Shows You That He’s Harmless
Dr. David Givens is an anthropologist who discovered some amazing facts on attraction in humans. He discovered that an important nonverbal message that a man will display to a woman while he’s flirting is that he’s harmless.
The man does this as a way to say “you are safe with me.” Confidence is also an attractive trait that he’ll want to show a woman, but too much can be intimidating. He wants to show you that he’s both confident and safe.
He Wants You To Feel Safe
Ever since the beginning of humans, women have known they will be stuck raising a child on their own if the man doesn’t stick around. This is because women have to carry the baby for 9 months and then feed the baby with their milk. There’s no such thing as the woman running away from that.
It is for this reason that men have learned to show women that they are safe and secure. If they come across as too overbearing and intimidating, the woman will not let them become a sexual partner.
Dr. Givens says that a man will show he’s harmless using body language.
In humans, one such gesture is a palm-up placement of the hand, whether on a table or a knee, a reassuring sign of harmlessness.
Another submissive display is the shoulder shrug, which, ethologists suggest, derives from an ancient vertebrate reflex, a posture signifying helplessness. Dr. Givens via New York Times
Subtle Sign’s He’s Flirting
The above examples are subtle ways to tell if a guy likes you, but if you watch carefully you’ll spot those signs. Watch for things like:
- Him putting his palms up to show that he’s “not hiding anything”
- Shrugging his shoulders which is a more passive or “friendly” way to gesture that he doesn’t know everything
- Open-arm body language – never crossing his arms in front of you
- Slowing down his walking so that he never walks faster than you – studies have shown that men who are interested in you will do this naturally.
- Opening doors for you
- Helping you lift things or reach things from a high place without you asking. If you had to ask, this is not a flirting sign.
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# 4 – He Acts Playful
Making you laugh is one of the quickest ways for him to establish a connection with you.
Being playful also gives off the “harmless” trait and lets you know that he’s not intimidating. Humor has a way of making people let their guard down so he will definitely use this if he’s into you. Dr. Givens explains that this behavior is also seen in wolves.
What Wolves Can Teach Us About Male Flirting
Being playful and childish is another way potential lovers often communicate harmlessness. “You see the same thing in the gray wolf,” said Dr. Givens.
When wolves encounter each other, they usually give a show of dominance, keeping their distance. But in a sexual encounter, they become playful and frisky, “like puppies,” said Dr. Givens, “so they can accept closeness.”
Submission is key for establishing intimacy because it means that both partners are choosing to be vulnerable.
Flirting is one of the most vulnerable acts we can do with another human because the feeling of rejection really hurts our egos. When he shows you that he is willing to be submissive and vulnerable, and you show him the same thing back – sparks will start flying!
Again if you’re into him, be sure to make him feel good and laugh at his jokes. This a simple way to start turning him into your boyfriend.
#5 – He Wants To Impress You
Another way to tell if a guy likes you comes from Social psychologist Timothy Perper, Ph.D. He observed how men go out of their way to get the attention of a woman. He spent time studying how men behave in lounges and bars and noticed the following.
The men arched, stretched, swiveled, and made grand gestures of whipping out lighters and lighting up cigarettes.
They’d point their chins in the air with a cigarette dangling in their mouth, then loop their arms in a wide arc to put the lighter away.
Their swaggers, bursts of laughter and grandiose gestures were an urban pantomime of the prancing and preening indulged in by male baboons and gorillas in the wild. Man or monkey, the signals all said, “Look at me, trust me, I’m powerful, but I won’t hurt you.” And “I don’t want anything much… yet.” Psychology Today
A Man Who Likes You Will Show Confidence
Who do you think is going to be the guy that gets the girl? The confident man who walks into the bar with presence and authority, or the shy loner in the corner sipping on a drink?
If you’re talking to a guy who’s into you, he’ll often think of things to say that will impress you. This can be casually mentioning the marathon he ran last week or commenting on the fact that his apartment is in the most expensive part of the city.
Watch for little clues that show him trying to impress you.
Psst… get your free flirty texts to spice up your dating game.
#6 – He Touches You
When a man is attracted to you, he will find little excuses or reasons to touch you. Touching is one of the biggest ways we humans separate sexual partners with friends.
He Likes You More Than a Friend
One of the key things that makes an acquaintance different from a friend or a lover is the way we touch them. We handshake acquaintances, we hug friends, and we kiss lovers. If there is a guy who is into you, he’s going to want to increase the level of connection by introducing touch. Pamela Regan, author of Close Relationships noted:
The “Touch Ladder”
A man who likes you might start by touching your shoulder but then may touch your leg or your face and eventually ask for a hug. If he’s doing this, he’s climbing up the “touch ladder” and increasing his level of intimacy with you.
#7 -He Points His Feet Toward You
Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral investigator who specializes in body language. She has written about and done interviews on romantic body language. Her research came up with three awesome discoveries, the first one being his feet.
If he points his feet directly toward you, he’s probably into you. This is especially true if he is talking to you and some other women and his feet are pointing at you instead of them.
The reason he does this is that he wants a direct gaze to the woman he’s interested in. He wants to have a direct line of “attack” so that he can focus his eye contact and body language towards you.
#8 – Manspreading
Vanessa Van Edwards also mentions that manspreading can be an act of flirtation.
“I know that manspreading has become something that represents authority and dominance (in a bad way). But flirting has always involved an aspect of authority and dominance. Remember the guy that gets the girl is the confident one, not the one sitting in the corner.“
Previous generations of men have used this pose to assert their dominance but maybe this one will be slowly removed from society. One thing to note though is if you’re with a guy on a date and he’s manspreading under the table, he might really be into you!
#9 – Showing His Thumbs (aka confidence)
The final act of flirtatious body language that Vanessa Van Edwards shares with us is the showing of the thumbs. Often seen in old cowboy photos, putting your hands in your pockets with your thumbs sticking out is a sign of confidence.
So this doesn’t mean just showing his thumbs willy nilly, it’s when his hands are in his pockets and he’s standing in a confident and authoritative pose.
If A Man Likes You, He Wants To Protect You
The reason why men want to show confidence and authority to attract women is that they want to show that they can protect her. Back in our caveman days, the women and children who survived were the ones who had a big strong man with them that could fight off the tigers.
Guys know that if they show you they are strong, confident and can protect you, you are much more likely to like them.
So if that cute co-worker of yours keeps coming to your desk and is showing some of these flirting signs, he’s definitely into you! Science said so!
Now that you know many of the common ways that guys flirt, it’s helpful to know that men have the following different flirting styles: Traditional, Physical, Playful, Sincere and Polite. You can learn more about the different kind of flirting styles that men have.
A man who is interested in you sexually will behave a lot differently than a man who simply sees you as a friend. In fact, men who see you as just a friend often make that point known by keeping their distance both physically and emotionally. Here are some signs a man is interested in you sexually.
No! You should never ask a man out. This will lead you to attracting men who are more passive and you’ll find yourself always taking the lead in the relationship. If this is something that you want to do, then go for it, but most women want their men to initiate dates, romance, texting and other relationship milestones. Work on your feminine energy, and let quality men take the lead.
How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality
I hope you found this article helpful but it does you know good if you’re not attracting High-Quality Men.
Find out what High-Quality men look for in a woman, check out my Free Guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”. It’s free!