Finding love is considered a rare and fragile thing in the digital age.
Thanks to the rise of dating apps, connections often remain surface-level because you can have so many on the go at once. Right?
That said, falling in love can be super straightforward and happen quickly with the right person.
Whether you’ve just come out of a relationship or you’ve been single (what feels like) a lifetime, you don’t need to worry.
I know it’s easier said than done, but always remember that love works in mysterious ways. It will happen to you when it’s meant to happen.
The 5 Mistakes That Are Holding You Back From Finding Love
If you’re struggling to find love, this might be because you’re making some of these common mistakes.
#5 — You’re Trying Too Hard
First things first, you should never have to force love.
In my experience, it should go a little something like this: boy meets girl, boy and girl go on a date, boy and girl continue to date, boy and girl fall in love.
In other words, it should be a seamless experience that comes naturally to both of you. There shouldn’t be any major hurdles.
In fact, falling in love should be as simple as falling asleep.
He should be actively texting you, planning dates and all you have to do is be good company. Before you know it, you’re in love. You shouldn’t have to play any mind games or try to trick him into falling for you.
If you find that you’re actively looking for it or trying to make it happen inauthentically, it’s just not going to work.
And by “actively” looking for it, I don’t mean keeping a casual eye on the dating apps to see who’s out there.
I’m talking about one of the following scenarios:
- Trying to make it work with someone you know is not right for you
- Falling head over heels for someone before you’ve really gotten to know them
Either way, there’s the potential to get hurt with both of these scenarios.
After all, not every guy is going to want to fall in love too.
In fact, a lot of guys in the 21st-century world of dating are spoilt for choice, and just want to date around.
(Hey, to each their own!)
That’s why it’s so important to have a conversation early on when you first meet someone about what it is you both want (now and in the future).
Otherwise, this can lead to heartache later on down the line.
Related: How To Meet New People
#4 — You’re Romanticizing Love
Don’t get me wrong, love is great—especially when the feeling is mutual.
But remember, love is give and take.
It’s easy to forget this when you’re single and all your coupled-up friends are splashing cute photos all over social media and hashtagging #CoupleGoals.
The truth is, any kind of relationship means you have to compromise and work through the differences of other people. And it’s important to consider all aspects of love.
Sure, there are the days where you absolutely adore the other human and you’re on cloud nine after spending a romantic evening together.
But there are also the days where emotions are running high because you caught him texting that pretty girl Brenda from his office, you confronted him, and it resulted in a raging fight. Sigh.
Sometimes in the beginning stages of dating, it’s easy to look at the new guy in your life through rose-colored glasses.
You may be romanticizing him (and your feelings for him) because you’re so focused on finding love.
This is where utilizing your feminine energy is going to come into play. Feminine energy is a slow moving energy that takes time to observe it’s surroundings.
When you’re not in such a rush to settle down, you’re more clearly able to see the kind of man you’re dealing with.
Not every guy you meet will turn into your next big relationship—and that’s perfectly fine.
You’ll learn something through every experience that you can take into your next big relationship.
#3 — You’re Trying To Find Love With Bad Men
Like I mentioned earlier, you might be falling into the trap of dating the wrong guys.
Which types of guys fall under the “wrong” category exactly?
- They don’t want love, they just want a one-night stand or a fling
- They don’t want to be in a committed relationship
- They’re toxic and incapable of a healthy relationship
Let’s address bullet point number one for a second.
It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t sleep with a man too quickly, or he might think you just want a fun relationship and not a serious one. Here’s exactly how many dates you should wait before sex.
Then there’s the question of bullet point number two—some millennial guys don’t even want to be monogamous.
I’m sorry to say that you’ll never find love with these types.
Finally, bullet point three refers to toxic guys who are incapable of a healthy relationship. You can spot them early on if you pay attention to the tell-tale signs.
According to Cosmopolitan, these include:
- Referring to his ex “crazy,” “needy,” or some other unfavorable term
- Being rude or obnoxious to other people or talking about them unkindly
- Looking down at you at any point for any reason
- Telling lies, backtracking, or making you feel like the things they’re saying don’t add up
- Talking about himself 95% of the time and never asking you questions
Essentially, don’t settle for mediocre guys and mediocre relationships just because you want to be in love. It’s only going to end in tears.
Related: 65 Signs of Emotional Abuse
#2 — Finding Love is Your Main Goal
There’s nothing wrong with prioritizing finding a man in your life. In fact, it’s healthy to want companionship with the opposite sex.
But you shouldn’t be desperately trying to find love just for the sake of it. Your standards need to be based on finding someone who will be compatible with you for the long-term.
Anyone can have a passion-filled sexual relationship that lasts 6 months. But finding someone that will spend the rest of his life with you takes a different set of priorities.
Your main goal should be to get to know him so you can work out whether you’re compatible.
Don’t get me wrong—falling in love with someone who you don’t know is still just as delicious as falling in love with someone who you don’t know. However, compatibility makes for a sustainable love.
After all, you can’t build a long-lasting relationship with someone who turns out to be a cheater because you ignored all the red flags in the beginning stages of dating and just went in heart first.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: always follow your heart, but use your head.
#1 — You’re Worried You Won’t Find Love Fast Enough
Most millennial women have taken their twenties to focus on building an awesome life.
You likely went and got a good education, starting working a good job and worked your way up to financial and professional success.
You might have even spent time travelling or doing other bucket-list adventures that kept you busy.
As women approach their 30’s and even beyond their 30’s, they start to feel like they’re missing out on the companionship of a man. They want to settle down and start a family.
This is perfectly normal, but the catch is that you don’t want to feel like you are running out of time.
As a dating coach, I often hear my clients tell me that they don’t have time to waste on dating random men. They can feel the clock ticking and it puts pressure on them to settle down with just anyone.
Here is where I like to remind them that their feminine energy will help them out. Masculine energy is all about trying to reach a goal. Feminine energy is about taking your time and understanding that there’s always time to get things done.
This approach can take the pressure off and allow you to make sure that you’re settling down with someone who is truly compatible.
You can learn more about meeting quality men with this mindset here.
#10 — If You Can Find Love Once, You Can Find It Again
Ladies, love is out there. It happens each and every day.
In fact, it’s probably already happened to you (maybe more than once?) and this serves as proof.
Think about the billions of people in the world and the good odds you’ve got of finding love with just one of them.
And this should hopefully help you to feel better!
#9 — You’re Never Too Old
Newsflash: age is just a number.
You have a whole life to live which means a whole life of finding opportunities to love. Right?
According to Psychology Today, it’s better to be older when you get into your next serious relationship anyway.
- You’re happier—when you realize your years are numbered, you change your perspective and focus on the positive vibes only
- You’re more willing to compromise—because you understand the value of a romantic connection
- You’re maturer—you know yourself so well, meaning you know what you want and need and you’re not prepared to waste any time if someone’s values don’t align with your own
Remember to listen to your feminine energy.
You don’t always have to be the one in control, sometimes you can take a seat back and see where life takes you. You’ll be surprised at how awesome the ride is.
Related: How To Stop Negative Thoughts
#8 — Love Doesn’t Discriminate
Sure, when you’re single, it can sometimes feel like everybody in the world is in love apart from you.
However, this is simply not the case.
Anyone can fall in love at any time—just like anyone can become single at any time.
There are just as many singletons out there as there are couples.
If you prefer, you could always find a single tribe to hang out with that will lift you up about your single status instead of make you feel down.
Related: How To Meet New People
#7 — The Love You’re Searching For Might Not Exist
If you’re romanticizing love like we talked about earlier, you might be struggling to find love that lives up to your sky-high expectations.
However, there’s a remedy for this.
Go into a first date with absolutely zero expectations. This way, you can never be disappointed.
Remember, you’re not going to get married on the first date. You’re literally just grabbing some drinks for an hour and the drinks are probably free!
#6 — It Can Be a Numbers Game
Ever heard the saying: “you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince”?
Well, it’s true.
Given the fact that there are billions of people in the world, it’s just a matter of dating around until you find exactly what you’re hoping for.
And trust me, this is half the fun of it.
#5 — Love Can Happen When You Least Expect It
It’s important to remember that love doesn’t tend to be predictable.
In fact, I’ve had guys that just walked into my life unexpectedly and they’ve ended up being my next big relationship.
That said, stay open to new opportunities. You just never know who you’re going to meet and when.
Related: Traits of A High Quality Man
#4 — It’s Not Rocket Science
Like I mentioned earlier, when love happens, it’s actually very simple.
If finding love seems super complicated and there seems to be a ton of obstacles in your path, this is a sign from the universe that you’re not meant to find it yet.
It will come to you when it’s meant to come to you—i.e. when you’re truly ready for it.
#3 — It’s Not Healthy to Wait for Love
Whatever you do, don’t wait around for love.
If you do, you could be waiting for a long time.
You’ve got a life to live, girl. Use your time and energy more effectively while you’re fortunate enough to have both of these things.
#2 — Stay In The Present
Stop picturing your life in the future and start enjoying your life in the present.
In life we’re always told to get try to the next destination that we never stop to enjoy how far we’ve already come.
Feminine energy is about slowing things down. Just stop for a moment and accept that you are where you need to be right now.
#1 – Attract High-Quality Men
I know you’re wondering if you’ll ever find love, but it does you no good if you’re not attracting High-Quality men.
If you’re a confident and successful woman, you need a confident and successful man.
I hope you enjoyed this post answering the question: Will I ever Find Love?
The potential of finding love is always there, whether you’ve been single for five months or five years.
Until it next comes along, focus on the relationship you have with yourself, your friends, and family members—and remember that you’re always deserving of it.
Love, your favorite dating coach.